have you ever tried sleeping more just for the hope of getting a dream you had once?

trust me, never works.

nearly blew my brain up thinking of plans. ):
and they all seem pretty lame. ):

the idea of having no internet at home is ludicrous yet i find myself suffering in this one hell of a predicament. now im stuck venting my anger everytime by giving the singtel fella a many pieces of my mind because one is definitely not enough. and the funny thing is he calls back when he knows he hasnt done anything to help the situation.

life is awful now. (not remotely because i have to plug a cable into my computer and use the SCV digital set top box for the internet which is very inconvenient and uncomfortable to say the least)

i have alot of things on my mind that i wish i can share but i cant. no, not because i cant trust friends or i dont want to. actually i really want to, but i cant. well, now i know the years of suffering alone in silence has its benefits.

really miss hanging out with my friends, esp those im particularly close to. but work is making that very hard. after spending around half a day in office, i just feel too shagged to do anything else. ): at least work isnt so tough now, i actually have a lot of free time in office but being the workaholic, i have to grab other ppls' work to do. hahahaha. so funny. i nv thought myself as hardworking. work and sch is really 2 very different things.

that day while bathing, okok, i think alot in the shower, because i take really long ones and get out only when my skin gets wrinkled. lol. okok, i digress. ya, that day while bathing i thought i was going to blog one whole bunch of stuff but now that i get down to doing it, my mind's in a blank. this happens to me alot actually. hahaha

anw i rmb smth funny

that day on the way home kenneth was saying,

Ken: i jie fu ji ping (means steal from the rich and give to the poor), like Peter Pan.
Myself: huh, like Peter Pan? You mean Robin Hood isz? Peter Pan is just fly around only leh.
Ken: eh ya ar, laokui ar.

uber funny.

okay, nth else to say alr. my grandma is staying with us now and she's so cute and funny. she keeps repeating the same things to me. think she abit kuku alr. HAHAHA but i love having her around. (((:

IS THIS THE END OF THE LINE?

i think the only good thing that came out of work so far is my ability to type faster without looking at the keyboard. and considering how they say ns is a freaking waste of time (i agree), it is something, i guess.

so much for self comfort.

everyone's moving on. some of them are going to Us to study, some are doing NS in some remote part of the island and some are retaking As. the buffer period, or the period of transition from aft As is finally over and its time for people to lead new lives.

am i afraid? afraid of losing touch with them? afraid that they will forget me? or afraid that they get better friends and leave me behind? yes, i am. i am very afraid indeed. not forgetting i have self esteem and paranoia issues which rly doesnt help my case.

but when it comes down to it, do i want my friends around simply to fulfil my needs or do i want them around because i love them and their company? i dont know. being a very selfish person, i really cant tell. the only thing i am sure of is the sadness i feel. sad because i think back and i know things will never be the same again. but did i cherish it when i had it? i think i did, because i look back and i rmb how happy and thankful i was for having these awesome group of friends. esp a special few who always made it better than best.

shit. this is some emo stuff. hahaha.

Will we be friends when we grow
old? is this the end of the line?

I hurt with you I love with you
the world just seems to get
in our way
Is this the end of the line?

Oh please don't leave me
Don't let your heart let go
We'll find a way
The journey has only begun
Is this the end of the line?
Oh yeah, oh
Is this the end of the line?
If you leave I'll follow
don't let your heart let go
We'll find a way
the journey has only begun
Is this the end of the line?
Is this the end of the line?

what a perfect song to match my mood.

these few days i have been telling myself; dont think so much and dont worry so much about the future. come what may. the Lord has his plan for you and everything happens to complete your life's journey. things that are meant to be will always be and on the contrary, things that are not suppose to happen will never happen.

it helps. for a while or when im caught up in work with nearly no time to think about anything else. but when im on my bed, lying down, doing nothing, i cant help but think about all my friends seem to grow more and more distant.

):

there is no help for it. life will throw all kinds of things in your way. nice things, pleasant things, happy things, delicious things and sad things, horrible things, frightening things. and good or bad, you can only suck it in.

so right now im going to suck it in and deal with it. if life has to be shit, it will be. but one day, it will get better again. im sure it will

i feel tired all the time and i have no freaking idea why. i get it if its a weekday and work is horrible. but i feel tired even on sundays. ):

and i realize im shifting in less than 2 weeks. ive never actually took time to appreciate and cherish my time here and now i wont ever get the chance to. and thinking about the 2 hours journey tru and fro from work is smth i really dread.

and driving lessons as well. how horrible is that.

i guess there are perks. like being closer to alot of the usuals. meeting up with them for random outings is smth i am looking forward to. but leaving erika and ken behind is kinda sad too. which reminds me! i havent collected my alvl's cert. shit. erika when are you free???

had a lovely day out with ff and pam. but im so afraid that these will soon be things of the past. ):

anyhow, ff, you lousy pok, with no comment or tag section. if anything, you can always depend on your friends ok. its the one thing you dont have to worry about losing. anytime ure feeling down or confused or even pissed just call ok?









i feel like i have so many things on my mind yet when i try and sort them out, it feels like nth at all.