i find myself -a really bad friend- becoming more and more sick of myself.

but enough with the negativity, im going to watch Chingay 2009 and at the same time miss bride wars with erika and carine. that sucks. and the possible chance of a steamboat feast at night. but nvm, i deal with it

its not the right time to get hooked onto DOTA i know. so i'll try to reduce my playing besides it can get rather boring when you can never seem to beat the bad guys. haha

i seriously enjoy most of my time in sch. no, i stand corrected. i love all the breaks in school because if im not going crazy with friends, im eating (what i think is) delicious food or we'll just be singing some random song. as meaningless and silly as it may sound, its still nevertheless wonderful.

funny how i keep repeating stuff like these.

lol.

happy cny! its chu 5 today.

i hate myself. i hate everything about me. im about as pathetic as i can get.

seriously someone should just ask me to go and die. it would do everyone a whole lot of good

it seems like im not blogging but actually i am. its just that my posts are not appearing. hahaha. that was absolutely uneccessary but im not in a mood to care. im spending really little time at home which i find hard to adjust to. i miss home really. or at least those just laze around and watch time go by that sort of thing, you know?

maybe its not really about disliking school but im really feeling increasingly tired. it makes me sick and gross. and it seems that everyone around me is geting sian too.

overall its just a kinda unpleasant atmosphere to be in.

so i conclude, yes. i dont want to go to school anymore.

its just not worth it.

bah, this is such a f*ed up post i wanna puke and die. and honestly mr guru can just go and fly kite and i'll be secretly praying he flies to far far away with the kite. like just go away and leave me alone. byebye.

SIMUN is making me barf too.

its just extra pressure i dont need.


AHHHHHHH

FUCKING LIFE SUCKS!!

school has been a breeze compared to the storm i was expecting. i can only say that this is simply the work of God. however undeserving i am, i still get to enjoy the blessings, countless ones, that God rains down upon me.

i owe him to much yet i've repaid nothing. and to think all the times i've hated people who always take and never give. eh, but i do hate myself. not that it makes it okay, but you know..

i take this time to thank ms koh, mdm loh and ms giri for being such inspiring teachers. and the rest for being plain mean (with sufficient reason to but thats not the point). they make me wanna work hard. really.

i have all the work in the world undone and im thinking about going to sleep. shit man. and maths is the first lesson. omg. i have done zero things for math. i'll try waking up at 4 and trying some questions. then at 4.30 i'll give up and go sleep. LOL.

i dont think i'll be posting here much anymore but still the memories that ive accumulated here cannot be so easily discarded. so i think i'll keep this blog after all.

went out with Gang Laokui on wed. we decided on a picnic at sentosa and of course it turned out great, as always. okay, maybe the food wasnt that great and i think i gave everyone a stomachache. still, the experience was simply unforgettable. and it was the first time we took so many photos as well, which again, im too lazy to upload. haha

school is starting real soon. im looking forward to working hard with ff who has exactly the same lesson slots as me. i cant afford to be slack off anymore now that i finally realized that i really wanna get into law school. oo, god help me.

i wonder what will things be like after the A levels. no more studying, imagine that. hmm..

suddenly, school seems kinda exciting. haha.

hooray, i managed to transfer most of my old ipod songs into my new one. the sense of accomplishment is wonderful. if only the same could be said for my homework and tuition assignments but then again if they were done, i wouldnt be me anymore. lol

what's ben if not lazy and stupid. lol.

but that's not the point.

im afraid i wont be able to go out tmr. i've been postponing my tuitions and delaying them just so i can have fun all the way till wed. but my mum is getting very irritated by my actions already. cham.

i'll just pray really hard i can go tmr.

i need to prepare the almond jelly now but im feeling lazy, again. hahaha

i did a new personailty test yesterday, it confirms that im a bum.

shit, this post has alot of 'i's which i wanna avoid because im trying to make the world about others instead. damn, this sentence itself constitutes 2 'i's.

how to be less egotistical and more altruistic is a mystery im determined to solve. to the mystery vehicle!

shit not funny. hahaha

bye

i want to live my life for others.

to dedicate it to making lives for others happier.
it'll be best if i can bring in a lot of laughter as well.

hahaha

i think my diet inclinations are getting from bad to worse by the minute. im even moving on from pokka's green tea(the sweetened one) to the japanese one. which essentially is really just a mouthful of bitter.

im throwing half of my food away everytime my mum buys something back. i mean like, really disposing them off into the bin. im skipping as many meals as i can.

and sometimes it gets so bad i feel kinda faint. which shouldnt be the case since im suppose to be burning fats for energy instead.

im going to be eating alot of porridge. i.e, alot of water with very little carbs.

and mushrooms, which are vegetables that i love oh so much

cant wait for the picnic with the laokuis this wednesday. food, beach, friends, being plain laokui, ah, what more could i ask for.

im feeling hungry now. porridge, here i come! wooo

grandma is so thin now.
worried but envious. lol

true to you heart, you must be true to your heart
why second guess, what feels so right

knew the signs, wasnt right. i was stupid, for a while,
swept away, by you. and now i feel, like a fool
so confused, my heart's bruised, was i ever loved by you

out of reach,
so far, i never had your heart,
out of reach,
couldnt see, we were never meant to be

i didnt post anything on the first day of the new year. never liked new years anyway, it always meants school had to start the next day which makes me feel downright shitty.

but new year day was special. i guess. just another sign that God does listen.

the next day was however, alot less special. in fact it was kinda.. how to put it.. upsetting... in its own way.

i miss ff and the laokuis. and the usuals as well.

i feel sad. sorry this is a very redundant and retarded comment. but i am.
will sadness never end?
the price to pay for happiness may be more than you can bear.
or rather, i can bear.

i think its a good thing my blog is private so there are less people who knows what a stupid idiotic loser i am.

thank god.

i wonder what grandpa is thinking now

but talking on the phone with ff always makes the day awesome. even if it was the lousiest day ever. thanks ff for being a superb ff. lol