again.. its been damn long since i last updated. sorryyy..

hahas, now lets see what happend over the weekends

SAT

was suppose to have tuition.. but then, the time wasnt right. so sunday instead. seriously.. who wants to know this stuff? and i spend the entire day at home again. bludy hell. and im suppose to watch simpsons with ade they all!! grahh. im pissed, no. dont talk to me. im in a bad mood now. lol

SUN

had math tuition.. it was kinda good. yay. i learned something. and instead of having kuishin bo for dinner, i had to cook dinner for my family instead. grahhh.. but its ok lah.. didnt mind. and then after dinner.. i was having labour pains. my water bag burst and the baby was coming out.

im kidding.

but i really had severe abdominal pain. it was so bad i couldnt even walk. even talking was hard lah. and the horrible thing is that it lasted all the way till today!!

maybe i really do have some stomach problems. what if.. i have... ahhh touch wood...

MON

i went to school, got up at 5.45 and continued feeling sorry for myself, cause it hurt so much but i still had to go to school anyway. and the van left without me. so i had to hail a cab. and i paid 14 bucks. yah, tell me about monday blues man.

but but but, im glad i had the math session anyway.. hahas, it was so great. yayyy.. but still the pain was too unbearable so i took the early leave form. the vice prin was like "are you sure you can make it home yourself? you look like you're going to faint from the pain". it WAS that bad. and yufei asked me to stop cringing in pain.. some care and comfort arh... LOL

now tell me about random, because im becoming increasingly guilty of it. and today edwina's flying off to cambridge.. sobs.. im gg to miss you edwina!!!

saw the doctor. he asked me to be careful, cause the pain was near the appendix. yikes.

the taxi man was nice.

the pain's lessened. pray it doesnt come back.

july the 30th is special. dont ask me why.

i shall go sleep soon.

yups, im done randoming.

wait no. DBSK ROCKS!!

"chiisana kiseki tachi ga boku tachi wo musubi awasetanda kitto"

i can reach!!! wheeee!!!

i increased my octave range lor. i need to train somemore.

hahas

replies:

hantu: hahas you're welcome!!! lol, anytime you need C&C just let me know yah?? X)

sophie: *solemnly shakes your hand* thank you for attending the wake. althought the body is still MIA, i still do appreciate it very much. LOL!!!! thanks bruda!!! ahahahahas cya around in school!!

end replies

before we begin, let us all observe one mintue of silence in mourning of my beloved....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaCARDIGAN.

sobs... i did so love my cardigan. you will be missed forever.

grahhh.. hahas i lost my cardigan lah. so pissed lah... thats money like flying away.. never to be seen again. byebye cardi, byebye money..

yest. was. one. of. the. worst. day. of. my. life.

but im glad its better now. but the hurts not going away.. why do i feel so lost.. why do i still feel things are falling apart. all i really want is for things to be the way they were, when everyone was just happy together, smiling and laughing together. doesnt anyone miss it? i know i do. i really miss those days.. i really really do..

i guess like yuan said, if it isnt meant to be, it will never come to be. but im not just going to give up. im still going to try. the question is HOW?

oh man. my head hurts. i'll just leave it aside for now.

today is meet the parents. oh no.

oh and i went out with naz to eat dinner yest. hahas, swensen was so goood. hahas. the black pepper seafood pasta is just simply great. and the ice creamm... ohhhh.. BUTTERSCOTCH and SHERBETS and COOKIES AND CREAMM.. sighhss.. so nicee

naz.. i know ive said this a billion times already, but the thing is, im really really going to miss you. i cant bear to see you go. i really cant..

okayy.. im not going to emo

IM NOT

hahas. i still do love all my friends. every single one of them. if only things were the way they use to be.

crapshi**

this sucks.

replies:

Q: ahahahas.. we'll keep waiting till someone finds it. dont worry miss. we'll keep trying. dont lose hope!!

angela: lol, you're going to have to wait tooooo... dont be impatient lah

syafs: LOL!!! but we have to help poor yuannn.. you dont know the feeling of losing your dy/dx.. the pain.. the anguish... oH good grief!! the torment!!! ahahas.. so drama right?? hees

yang: yahHHHH.. ahahas, im just like that. a wierd freak.. i wonder when i'll turn into a normal person.. *E.T Phone homEEE* LOL!!! i miss you auntie!!!

end replies.

MISSING NOTICE

There has been an unforunate event of poor girl, Feng Yuan Qiu who reported her missing....


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaDY/DX

If you have seen it please do not hesitate to notify the relevant authorities. This is NOT a laughing matter. I REPEAT. This is NOT a laughing matter.

Thank you and have a nice day.



LMAO, hahas. yuan, you crack me up.

good lord, ive not blogged for the longest time. alright, brief overview

FRIDAY

hahas went out with naz for dinner!!! went to NEW YORK NEW YORK. it was great or at least i felt it was pretty good cause the rest didnt really like it. hahas. im just really glad to see naz again. haiz.. its so sad to see her going. crap. I MISS YOU!!!

SAT

hahas, i didnt go out. guai me.

SUN

had a pretty nice lunch with my family. had soba!! wonderful..

MON

had my NAPHA. and i passed my chin ups. hahas. okay pretty good an achievement already considering i never did train once. thank god for the miracle!

TUES

just had my math test. pissed man, cause i thought curve sketching would have been easier, considering i put in more effort for it. tsk. well at least i could do the parametric part. yups. diff was much easier, hahas. yups. i think it wasnt satisfactory, but i did better then before. i hope.

hahas what a brief summary of my days. lol. im still tired. my nosebleeds are getting more frequent. i cant stand trains and im constantly thinking about sleeping. i no longer have time to go out. and im getting fatter and fatter.

how random.

on a not so random note, this thurs is the othello play. hahas, psyched cause i get to see naz again. wOOO.

oh no. tmr is the submission of the WRF.

i have a similar abbreviation for it. WTF

how vulgur. hahas

bye.

replies

syaf: hahas thanks syaf.. but what would you do if you were me? i dont think you would have done any different right? lol. oh yah.. please send my regards to your mum for me.. hope shes doing okay.. you take care too yah. will be praying for her... (:

edwina: RAWR!! yes, godzipigga here.. hahas i think you a bit siao already. its like july now and you're thinking of december. hahahas, but i do love christmas spirit though.. lets go out on christmas!! hahas, we'll have so much fun.. whheeee.. hahas

naz: AHHH!! NAZ!!!!!! sobs... i really really miss you toooooo... aHHHHH im in perpetual distress.. why arent you around me.. grahh.. some kinda of friend arh.. lol.. kdkd. but i do really miss you... :'( hahas, not yet mah.. wait abit longer.. for the photos i mean.. hahas, come online if you can!! or better yet call me to talk lah!! if not no more chance already you know!! tsk. DBSK RAWKS!!! WOOOO...

end replies

sometimes i really wonder what im living for. hahas. i think i live mostly for others. i dont usually do things for myself but as long as it involves others, i would do it. hahas, like in secondary school, i would do my friends homework but wouldnt do mine. lol. so funny lah

i wonder what would happen if i would lose all the people i live for. i think i'll be a zombie, wondering around aimlessly, some useless thing that would be better off dead.

hahas, that sounds scary lah. but the funny thing is i like living for others. i think it gives me a sense of purpose, it gives my life direction, gives it meaning. of course im not crazy, i live for those i love lah. my friends, my family....

but sometimes i think im really crazy... i always imagine myself in this situation, where theres a random person with me, and a loony holding a gun saying only one can live and the other must die. i think i would tell the loony to kill me. WAIT. im not nuts, its just that suddenly i would think of the person's family, people who love him. and if he dies, how much grief that would put them in. i cant take it lah. even if i lived, i would live in misery and guilt for the rest of my life.

yahh, damn extreme lah.. but its what i think i would do if it were to happen. but then people tell me im very selfish, cause by doing that, i would be causing misery to MY own close ones, i would grieve the people who love and care for me. yah i think im very selfish too. but i still wouldnt act otherwise because i just cant do it.

aiyoo.. im just giving myself a headache.. but i rather be selfish then be wicked. exchanging another person's life for my own.. is just... omg.. damn wrong lah. i would rather exchange my life for another. yah.

what a rubbish filled post im posting today. hahas but its random times like this when i would just suddenly ask myself what im living for, and imagine strange situations like this. hahas so wierdd.

but i think god wouldnt want me to live for myself too.. i never did mind living for others because i know that god will lead my life for me, the more i love others, the more god will love me. yahh.. i believe in that. yahhhh...

i really love you my lord. i think its been a real long time ive felt such closeness with you. and i really yearn for it again. i dont ever want to be far from your side, i dont ever want to be distanced from you.

hahas all the lord has taught me is coming back to me now.

im so happy.

i hope it lasts forever

replies

siokxin: hellooo, how can i not be fat?? I PUT ON WEIGHT!! omgggg.. im like this horrible pig that doesnt stop eating!! aHHHH, im godzipigga.. AHHHH!! rawrrrr. YOU are NOT fat can?? tsk!! not in the least bit lah. tsk. tsktsk. tsktsktsk.

sophie: hahas i am!! im interested in psychology.. its always what i wanted to study. but my mum dont allow. yahh.. so i changed to law. but actually i still like it alot. hahas. what story telling?? huh??

passer-by: yah, life is very unfair sometimes, yet sometimes its also so great. hahas, so yah, i guess the most i can do is place my faith in god and believe everything will turn out for the better. hahas. yups. X)

syafs: im so fat!!! IM GODZIPIGGA lah!! the godzilla pig. omg.. so upset.. hahas i tried the water thing, but i just felt like going to the toilet after that.. ahahas. i miss you syaf!! cya around in school!!

hantu: HELLO SWEEPY!! hahas, i think you're sleepyyy.. hahas, go sleep lahh.. have a good rest. and i dont see you so often in school one.. tsktsk. must see you around more.. ahahas. cya!!

end replies.

damn. im reminiscing, i still remembered the times when we were such good friends. when we were so close, when we even felt like family. i must admit that you were a great friend then and i truely believed in you.

shit, im tearing.

but gone are those days and yearn them i do not. there are things that i will not go through again and hurt that i never want to experience. i guess this is a case of once bitten, twice shy. still, there were good things and memories which i will keep.

this is so sickening, emoing badly. naz, angela, george.. mannn... its been a real long time since i emoed... why do i have to face such things.. why do i have to say goodbye? why do i have to see people sad? why do i have to experience failed friendships?

i guess these are all part of life, i guess there are a million things to be thankful for, but when bad things happen, it seems that no matter how many happy tings we've had before, we still feel just as upset, just as sad.

i miss you naz.. badly. but please dont cry and we will always remember you... ALWAYS. oh mannnnnn... shit it lahh.. i really going to cry. hahahas, so long since i did that..

its just so sad. its really so sad.

i hate this.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Drama Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Literature Nerd
Anime Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

whahahas. there should be more me around!! LALALALA!! APPRECIATE ME PEOPLE!!

okay im only kidding. LOL

wooo, i achieved alot of impossibles today.

1st, i did the entire lesson 1 of tutorial 10!! im so happy. yea, one or two questions were still unclear to me, but! i made improvement!! hahas yayyy

2nd, i did 2 pull ups!! and more!! by myself!!! omgg!! im so happy with myself. and i didnt train!! hahas, im sure its tyco, but whatever, i did it.

3rd, i faced my greatest fear!! wooo!! hahas. i wasnt that scared anymore. just. STUNNED. lol. and i felt wierd, but it beats shivering and trembling.

hahas okays someone quick, pat me on the back. i deserve it!! hahas

life isnt the same anymore. naz is no longer here. thats one very important person gone from my life, but NOT from my heart!! wah, this is so mushy and cliche, but i mean it lor. tsk.

but life may no longer be the same, but i still have all you guys to make my life so much more bearable even enjoyable. and all the more i want to cherish all you guys because i never know when any of you might suddenly go overseas like naz. HUMPH. hahas

i smsed my mum all my results. i think its quite safe to say my mum hates me now and things will never be the same again, my life will be torned apart, our relationship will turn into one of hate, and vicious fights will ensue......................

im kidding.

but i know she aint going to be happy about it. i guess i deserve it.

hahas random time, i look in the mirror and i see this fugly shit. why am i so UGLYY?? WHY AM I SO FAT!? im like cursed or something. i hate myself. tsk. no only joking, but i AM fugly without a doubt. lalalaaa

and i think mr tan is so funnyyy ahahahas. lmao

bye!!

its so horrible i cant even think about it.

and i realize that i think my mum holds a damn great place in my heart. i realized shes like so vital to me and i know she really loves me alot. which is why i cant stand it when she starts giving me the cold shoulder. haiz. tmr is the day im breaking the news of all my results. ahh wells. i just hope she doesnt stay angry for long.

been feeling really really ill lately. hahas, i think my symptoms of stress is starting to surface again. hahas, yeah, i think everyone sees me as this person who doesnt give a damn and two hoots about my studies, its not that i dont care. its just that when i feel stressed, my body starts disfunctioning.

my nosebleeds are back, and they get more and more serious everytime it happens, it was so bad yest i felt faint and dizzy. it was amazing how much blood came out.. hahas

the wierd cramps in my stomach are appearing again.

and there are new symptoms!! massive migrains that just happen all of a sudden. and nausea when travelling in the car. wow. my body amazes me.

i guess its not a choice whether i feel stress or not. it happens.

anyway, i made chocolate fondue today. was great. missed the taste of fruits coated in chocolate. so incredibleee.. ahhh..

ahh whatever. i feel dead.

replies:

sihui: hahas yahhh!! yest was so fun!! whats teng chui?? are you sure its hokkien?? you mean teck zui is it? lolll.. lets go out again soon!! and send me the photos we took that day when you free ok??

edwina: lol, i dont really remember all the details too, thats why i wasnt too affected by it as well. lol. but the new book coming out already!! whee!! hahas, oh okay, yups i will send the phots asap. cya tmr!!

sophie: hahas, i dont know about greatly greatly loved, but i know im very lucky to have all you guys as my friends!! hahas and you as a bruda!!! hahas my phone.. i only had it for 6 mths!! lol, okay.. i dont know who it was. but whoever he/she is, is damn lucky.. coz got so many dbsk songs!! humph. LOL!! cya tmr!!

end replies.

put me to sleep please. i dont want to wake up!!!

i watched harry potter 5 today! hahas, okay yah, it was abit dry, but i still love the special effects, it wasnt as angsty as i thought it would be though. hahas. anyway, i really enjoyed myself with all you guys today. hahas.. its real fun, especially speaking in hokkien, riding cows ahahas, trying on all the sunglasses.. having a good laugh

hahas i really do miss you guys. and liwee!! hahas, i saw you today!! hahas, i miss you too!! hahas, such a great day.

and you all arh!! scandal me!! grrr!!! so many scandolous photos!!! woe betide you ALL!!! hahahas

okay. i dont want to blog more. hahas. im so behind on answering tags. better answer them before i give up entirely..

replies:

angela: LALALALALALA!! hahas yahh, theres so much to explore in life, theres more dbsk songs coming.. omg, i cant wait!!! and and and so many nice new korean stuff to discover!! ahahas, intro me more!!! lol

passer-by: hahas yea i do believe in god and i love him very much too!! and i know i have lots and lots of friends supporting me, hahas, i really thank god so much for them. im really quite lucky actually. hahas. yups. thanks!!! XD

sophie: hahas im happY!! hahas are you not??? okay i will try, i just hope i get a good score. ahahas. ((:

edwina: LOL!! yah!! you know all my deep dark secrets.. shhh, dont tell anybody okay?? hahas im kidding when i said my voice is nice.. eww.. hahas and yes!! more esplanade please!!! MORE MORE. hahas am i really strong? hahas, dont feel it. but i know i can always depend on you guys.. (: yes!! POUND THAT HORRIBLE THEIF!! GRRR.. hahas TY EDW!!!

angel: hahas i dont have photos!! i didnt bring my camera that day remember?? lol!! and yes today was so fun!! MORE MORE MORE!!! hahahas ((:

syafs: my dear syafs.. dont be so depressed already lah!! im always here for you, just let me know when you need me ok?? i dont go that extra mile lah, im just doing the barest minimum, hahas, loves to you too!!! tc!!!

siokxin: ahahahas, jordan is a pro singer mah, so he sings the difficult songs lah, hahas okay, i'll sing with you, hahas, we amateurs sing simple songs.. hees, im glad im becoming the old ben too, (: hahas no lah, dont worry, i just feel real lousy. hmms, but you're right.. ahahas, but yah, its over already lah. so i shouldnt harp on it so much...

naz: forget you??!! YOU WISH!!! i'll be bugging you for the rest of your life.. you will be sorry for making a friend like me.. ahahas. lets go out again!! and this time.. i wont lose my phone. humph. lol! lets go escape!! i nv been there with you b4!! quite loserish lahh.. but i still think it'll be fun!! want want??

end replies.

phew i did it. hahas, blog again tmr.

today is one of the most unlucky day ever.

1st, its naz's last day of school. omg. i dont want to talk about it. but at least i have quite a few photos. i really dont want to talk about it. its far too upsetting to even think about it.

2nd, a really sick person who should be given a punishment for doing such a perverted thing.

3rd, someone stole my phone. its really unfair, how come the wicked go unpunished, and i have to lose my phone. okay, im just expressing my frustrations, i dont blame anyone but myself. its my own carelessness. but all the same, i always believed people would be honest. but im not going to let this incident change my belief. i believe people are still good by nature. i should be the one blamed cause i tempt people. so yea, its my fault.

anyway, i had no idea my emotional state had such a great effect on my friends, i really had no idea, and im really sorry, i really want to apologise for having you guys put up with my nonsense. and naz asked where was the cheerful ben that she knew.. hahas, i cant let her down. yea, wheres the ben that i use to know too..?

and then i want to apologise to someone, for being as asshole. i cant tell it to you cause its super awkward, so im doing it here. no matter what, acting like a jerk is wrong anyway, and i owe you an apology.

phileo, love between friends

i feel cheap, especially after what siokxin and edwina told me. im like so.. disgusting. yah. hmms. im not sure, but i wouldnt have rather i continued loving, maybe i sound really selfish, but truth is, i dont want to hurt anymore. because i believe if i never loved, i would never hurt. and i really took a long time trying to forget that love for my friend. i know some may say that if its so easily forgotten, then it was like a damn pathetic and fake sort of love, but when it comes to a point when your life is tied to it, you have to get out of it, i had to forget it somehow.

i guess i sound like im damn disgusting and selfish. i guess thats what i am then. i abhor myself for doing that, i abhor myself for placing myself before others, i abhor myself for being so cheap. but the moment i think about how painful it was during that period of time, and how close i was to suicide, i just.. i just dont care anymore.

i no longer believe in such things as a best friend. there are real friends, true friends who stick with you till the end, and i must have been blind to not have seen that. and these are the people i truely love. and will never ever forget. and naz, no matter how long or how far.. we will always be the best of friends!!! okok??!!

i appreciate i have such a nice teacher. hahas. yups.

ahhh.. in a nutshell, im so suay today, i feel damn cheap and disgusting, and i dont want to see naz go.

i miss you god. im glad you're back in my life.

lots and lots of photos. i shall upload them asap.

dbsk... loving you... omg.. im in a liquid state now, freeze me back..

its so horrible!! im blogging now coz i cant get back to slp due to the constant pangs of pain in my stomach. stupid gastric and diarrhea. ahhhhh, and takin medicine doesnt even hlp. and the funnie thing is i din eat anything bad. wthh..

naz is leaving school this friday, and im really really really going to miss her very very very very much. i shall dedicate a post to her just b4 she leaves. omgg.. its so saddd i cant hlp but cry.. and there goes another really close fren frm my life. not that i can go anth about it... but if its bad for me, i bet its worst for u naz.. but u will always be one of my best frens ever!! dun forget me k??!!

wahhh, im emoing even when im not feeling well. hahas. dats funny. but no, de pain is NOT funny, now im experiencing de pain of loss and de pain of stomachache. snds comical, doesnt feel comical though. lol

LOVE U NAZ!!!!

HATE U STOMACHACHE!!!!

i just want to dedicate all my time and energy to helping others. i wna be able to hlp relieve other peoples suffering. i dun giv a damn wad i go thru alr lah. or at least for de time being.. i dun wan to go think about it.

i love god. but i noe that i must learn to forgive ppl. if not i will awaez feel i dun deserve gods forgiveness. but how de hell do u forgive sumone hu has caused u so much anguish. its lyk tryin to turn a pig into a pin, its just one letter away, but its impossible to achieve. ahhh, hlp me my lord to find a way to forgive those hu have caused me hurt. i dunno how am i gg to do it. its far too hard.

and anw, ppl hu scandal, noe when to draw a line can?? if u actually jeopardize frenships thru ur freakingly childish, immensely stupid, horrifyingly dumb scandals, that makes u a scum, a jerk. so stop it! u have no right to hurt my frens! SO BACK OFF!!

i dun have time for myself anymore. its 24/7 dedicated to my frens. yups. at least it gives me a sense of purpose.

thanks teck. and naz.

thanks everyone.

thank you lord.

i dun rly have much to say. i woke up today and nothing changed. its not just a nightmare, its happening..

theres no way i can take it.

i dun want to lose anyone anymore.

replies:

nazz, i feel sad just talking to you, sorry, i noe im not making it any easier for u as it already is. but i juz really feel so upset losing one of my closest frens. sorry. shudnt be lyk this, i'll try to be positive about it.

=(, hu are u?? lol. and how come everybody is starting to b lyk unknowns... tsk. i feel lyk im being watched.. hahas.. and huever u are, ure not fat. yups.

sophie, hahas, u dun look unglam at all lah. i miss camwhoring wif u too. i miss lunching and talkin to u too! glad we're in the same gp grp though. hahas, yayyy

yang, heyys, hahas, we met up le and thanks for dat cool pendant, love it. hope uve had a enjoyable 17th bdae!!

syafs. aiyo u dun look obscene lahh, u look hawt!! hahas, thx, i noe i can always count on u. and i'll be wif u every step of the way too, so pardon my incessant complaints about being fat and my silly lame no brainer jokes and everything unbearable about me.. lol.. LOVE U TOO!!

passerby, lol, that doesnt feel lyk the case though, but theres nth i can do about it either, and why he makes things happen one after another is just one big mystery to me. esp when he noes i just cant make it..

siokxin, thanks my dear psychiatrist, its not that i WANT to sink back into depression or anything, but i just cant take wads going on in my life.. its been one tribulation after another and i just cant handle it, and i cant do anything about the thing thats taking place.. i feel so helpless and miserable. i just dun wna lose more ppl hu matter to me, i rly dun.. anw, hahas, yah, hist was enjoyable. hungry gal..

end replies

i know the meaning of the word blessed. but right now, i dun feel in the least bit blessed and if its a test that god is putting me through, then im afraid i just might not be able to make it. why do bad things happen all at the same time, one after another, lyk their sole purpose is to break me down.

being able to hold on and grow even stronger, definitely shows something about me, but giving up and failing only makes me human. im not some saint, not some holy being, im an ordinary spoilt brat who has been mostly protected thruout my entire life. i cant handle it.

being way emotional does NOT help

being someone irrational makes things WORSE

being an idealist only means im on my way to FAIL

my lord, im way tired, im tired of feeling anything but happy, tired of people, tired of life, tired of everything. i take comfort in knowing there are people who love and care for me, but im sick, if im not sick, im tired, i am SICK and TIRED of losing people i love.

maybe there are people hu are way fortunate compared to me, but it doesnt make me feel any better, it only makes me feel life is filled with nothing but suffering. i hate suffering, i hate to see people suffer, i hate death, i hate sickness, i hate pain, misfortune, accidents etc etc.

but no matter how much i hate them, they are here to stay. they are there to make lives miserable. and ive come to realize that no amount of happiness can replace the pain uve felt, its not simple math, not simple formulas and not some frigging chem titration process where everything can be balanced out with some simple calculations.

i really wish i didnt feel so much, i dont understand why i am so wrecked by my feelings, i use to embrace them, believing they were evidence of humanity, but i wish i din feel anything now. if i din, it probably wouldnt hurt so much.

i really feel so lost. my lord, if you would take pity on me, relieve me of my pain, if u love me at all, stop my hurting, end my suffering, i know its easy to just ask for things, easy to ask you to solve my problems for me, but im nth now. my dreams eludes me, my hope and faith is gone. if u dun save me, no one will.

im just too tired to do anything anymore.

i want everything to end. i nv did belong...