todae, im lyk de onli sec 4 to go to skool, it sux lahs.. i feel so wierd.. ahahas.. but i went tot ake my combined humanities xam, they put me in a storeroom like area, and for ur FYI it STINKS!!... its lyk so stale.. eww.. and full of dust and cobwebs and skeleton in de closet, nah im kd, nt so bad lahs.. but it DOES stink... did fairly well i guess, cept for de diplomacy qs, which i totalli crapped.. the sbqs were surprisingli straight forward though.. ahahas.. nxt mon.. amath and geog, did i mention how dat sux? oh i did, hahas..

din watch s'pore idol yst, lyk duh lahs, i was studyin c.h... but todae result show.. wonder hu will be out.. wahhh evrytime think of s'pore idol will think of nurul, sobs.. nvm.. muz support the rest too... hmm.. now hu i support arhs?? dunno lahs.. i support all lahs.. lols..

todae im gonna slack.. becoz c.h totalli drained every last drop of me... been playin de new online game kongkong online.. funi though i saw sumone wif a nick called DrEaMaKer.. smth lyk dat lahs... i wonder if it cud be... lols... nvm doesnt matter, does make u think doesnt it? its quite fun, u hop around lyk a rabbit, shoot hammers and clubs, leaves splats of shit behind u and create spider webs.. pretty fun... lols.. can destress

its been a long time since i realli chatted on msn wif loy, ck and ziq, kinda miss u guys, but been realli bz studyin lately.. i wish my xams were lyk all over alr.... but it isnt.. sobs.. nvm.. will get to tok sumdae.. =))

THANKEW YJ AND CHERYL!!!! lols.. xie xie ni men =))

my lord, i put my life in ur hands and pray u run it for me, its de onli way i can ensure i awaez do wad makes u happi.. =)) love u lots

hmm... mayb i will post bout de result show for s;pore idol todae.. see firz ba. lols..

loves!!! [aollovin]

lately all my posts have included plenty of self destructive phrases, and full of negativity.. ahhs, the wonders of the human mind which tries to reach out for pity and at de same time wallow in self pity... cant believe i let myself degrade to that sort of state. but the worst is over, time to move on, let bygones be bygones, and move on.. easier said den done though but tats no reason to not try.. hahas.. =)

the past few daes of being sick has clearly been a most suffering time, hahas, glad i finalli recovered about 90%, no more throat pain le.. but stil abit tired.. hahas.. now its time to replace de stolen time, i have to mug while others are restin, well, my fault, but no matter.. juz do my best ba. =))

watched de farewell video clip of nurul, cud tell she was at a loss for words, and clearly disappointed.. i mean i dun blame her, but i still think she has a great voice, and its not time to give up on her dreams yet.. to be in de top 6 is alr no small feat, so keep happi! happi goober noodle nurul maideen.. ahahas

hahas, glad that during my most "throat slicing" period there has been three ppl hu were there to spent it wif me, thx cheryl, clara, yong jian, appreciate it lots.. u guys make daes much better. thankew alls!!! hahas.. sumtimes i keep forgettin to appreciate the fine things in my life, and i keep focusing on wad i dun hv.. damn.. its a bad habit.. and i so nd a attitude readjustment. lols.

my lord, im sorry for havin say sum terrible things to u, plz forgive this bludy retard u love, and forgive this irritatin ass**** hu never fails to disappoint u.. im soo terribly sorri, i dunno why its so hard to practice self control, so my lord, i dun want to run my life animore.. im gonna leave evrything in ur hands and i noe its gonna turn out right.. wif u at my steering wheel, i noe i hv nth to wry about.. my lord, chain me if u hv to stop me frm interfering.. hahas.. kaes.. love ya my lords.. awaez and 4eva

tmr is c.h... so afraid.. but heck, juz do wad i can.. no regrets, no stress, juz benj doing his normal stuff.. cept.. it WIFOUT A TXTBOOK!!! EEEEEEEeeee....

loves!!! [aollovin]

feelin better alr, budden throat still burning, even swallowing water is hard. went to see de doctor, she said my throat and tonsils were lyk super red and sore, and its realli badly infected, so she gave me lotsa medicine, a big packet of antibiotics wif pills more den 1cm long >.<>.< hahas

tmr is amath and geog, im realli scared i wun be able to do well for geog... amath, is lyk.. hmms.. i practice alot recentli, so hope i can do well, but geog got alots to study.. nvm, i shall juz do my bez.. same to everyone else.. JIAYOU!!!! lols..

tmr s'pore idol, nurul is alr out, im so gonna miss her voice, but nvm, i shall continue watchin niwaes, NURUL!!!! WAAAAA!!!!!! i was so hopin she cud be s'pore idol..

sumtimes its amzing how sum ppl can realli act blur.. hahas, no matter, i guess dats just dem, hu noes, i may be guilty of de same mistake, aiya, happi abit(kai xin yi dian) ,, good for health.. lols..

went to read blogs todae, notice i was one of de few dat has been updatin lyk almoz everydae, hahas, it onli goes to show how much im slacking lors.. hahas, no matter lahs, how much time can bloggin take? sides its jus a form of destressin too, by typin out ur thots.. lols, so i shall cont bloggin.. ahahas

EVRYBODY WORK HARDS FOR PRELIMS!!! includin me btw.. lols. GAMBATTE!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

my throat is burning, im feverish, lethargic and i realli feel lyk dying

i din manage to finish studying combined humanities, im sorry to sae this but this dae is juz damn bludy F***** up.

can i juz die?

oh and thx cheryl for being concerned, appreciate it lots.. good lucks for ur c.h tmr, same to everyone else, and yj too, thx for askin me to take care =)

my lord, i rly feel lyk dying

loves [aollovin]

when things go horribly wrong and u just lose all hope, sumhow bloggin isnt dat appealin.. its been quite long since i last blog, and i do feel abit bad, coz there were alot of wonderful things dat i actualli wantd to talk about, and share, but sumhow i juz realli had no mood to do so..

last fri, we had our eng prelims, de day b4 dat went terribly wrong, and it made me feel just lyk dyin.. i went to school as per normal, just dat every time i start thinking back, my tears wud just flow out, i had a realli bad time, and i think i gave everyone a hard time too i spoke in single syllable, answered wif nods or shakes. just smiled feebly at ppl hu greet me.
thx alots reuben for askin me to cheer up and talkin to me.. although i stil din cheer up, but i do appreciate it.. same to my sun nu, liying, thankew so much for ur encouragement and kind words... but sumhow i was stil in despair and absolutely no strength to at least try being happi.
man its daes lyk this dat makes everybody miserable. but its also thx to these daes dat i see how ppl care.. thankew so much.

my lord, sumtimes i realli feel i cant do wad u want me to do, i realli am afraid of gettin hurt, im afraid for myself, which i noe shudnt be de case.. but i cant help it, no matter how much i force myself to think of others firz, sumhow or rather, i wud still think of myself.. i hate dat! i realli do, but i dunno how to control or stop myself, i realli feel lyk i dun noe anithing animore, i no longer noe wad to do, and as i slip furthur into my misery, i slip furthur away from u as well. and i realli dun want that to happen, ure the onli family i truely trust and love now, so i dunw ant to eva leave u, if not, i will be all alone. and no one will catch me when i fall, why shud anione, after all im just a bloody selfish bastard hu onli think about how to safeguard myself. i noe it shudnt be this way, but i do hate myself, why am i so helpless, so useless.. i want to put smiles on the faces of ppl, but i awaez fail terribly.

nurul is out, i almoz cried, im realli gg to miss her voice.

prelims are here, everybody jiayou.

i hope i can find a way out of this madness soon.

loves!!! [aollovin]

by right, i have so much wonderful things to tok about todae.. but a sudden onrush of terrible things just happend simultaneousli, crushin all dat i hold dear too.. i fear i may lose my sanity soon, i do not noe how long more i can supress my feelings, im startin to lose control and i feel alittle bit of me slippin away evrytime

right now.. i feel really really numb, im not happy, but im not sad, not angry, not anything.. i feels so empty and i really dun noe wad to do..

i noe it isnt right, but if there was a way to run away, i wud do it.. this world doee not accept people lyk me.. overly idealistic and self delusional, likewise, the borders that confine me will never allow me to be who i really want to be.. but i dun want to become lyk the world, cold and unfeeling.. but in resisting and refusing to adapt.. it really hurts. i still believe things are wonderful, but wad i see is far from wad i believe, no matter how much i fool myself, reality is such.
lyk in a sea, vast and overwhelming, im just a single fish dat refuses to change.. no doubt, there are those who will be there for me, but ultimately, the world will abandon me and i will be force to choose.

those closest to me, though im really afraid to say this.. are like monsters to me, i no longer know them and i no longer love them, wad love i have left for them is because of my inability to break ties dat bind. but i no longer love them.. the realistic ideas, greed for more and utter hypocrisy is starting to scare me.. im dun onli not love them but sometimes, i fear them.
and this feeling is really very terrible, to not be able to trust the ones dat gave me life, but i can no longer accept their actions and can no longer justify them.. i know they love me, but i can never accept what they have done or even doing. everytime we become more wealthy it means someone out there may be starving, and that really scares me, but all they can sae is "thats just business, and when u grow older u will understand" and "its either we die or they die"
everytime i hear this words.. i shudder to think how such heartless and selfish words can be spoken. perhaps evryone will think im being unrealisticand its perfectly normal to say such words. but i cant! im not lyk dat! its just me.. and.. and.. i will never be able to be.. a monster


what can be more important den just enjoying the company of people dat we love, why do we need shark fins, abalone, sumptious food to accompany us? do we love this more den we love ppl? i cannot accept dat.. mayb reality really has no place for me, i will nv change myself to suit this world, but neither will de world change to suit me.. but how long can i create my own perfect world to be in? how long more can i fool myself, and how long more b4 reality reaches out to get me?

im really afraid now, im living in a house full of vipers, im very sick and disgusted with myself for saying that, but i hv no choice, i hv to open my eyes and stop lying to myself. everytime things happen, i inch furthur away from them, i love home, but i do not love those who stay within it, but yet i can never leave and break all bonds, because my heart will never allow me to do so.

i find myself often torn into 2, about one yr ago, i fnd my heart and how to use it, and now im awaez torn into doing things dat either hurt others at the expense of others, or hurt myself at the expense of others. my mind awaez protects me, it awaez finds the way for me to be unharmed, at all cost to protect myself, but my heart wants me to sacrifice myself for others, it wants me to protect others at all costs.. but its very hard to follow my heart, i want to, but often after i do, i feel terribly used. and my mind will start tellin myself how foolish ive been, how ive been actualli been nth but a mere toy which ppl use once and forget about, or only pick up when they nid it again. but my heart saes dats not the case, it believes dat ppl will be moved by sincerity and i have done smth worthy. it was much simpler when i onli had my mind, but again, i refuse to go back to the old ways

i have been gifted with hypersensitivity. sumthing god gave me, which i believe he wanted me to use to consider the feelings and be in the know of their feelings, so dat i may offer my help. but often, it has lead me to askin qs dat are redundent and sumtimes irritating. but my hypersensitvity has also made me veri wary of the shift in changes of moods, so dat i may better change myself to suit the person, or mayb do things to help which i hv done and have made things better, but sumtimes awaez knowing or suspecting is very painful as well. ppl awaez ask me to not think so much, but if i dun, den how will i noe when theres help needed, and if i had ignored de signs, iden i wud not have tken actions or done small little things just to make ppl smile. so how?

till now i still believe de world is wonderful, right now, i hv not lost total control on my feelings, but i do not know how long more i can last.. i fear b4 im thru, my body wud have already broken down, or too emotionalli drained.. i dun want to be normal if being normal means i hv to hurt others.. but ppl dislike wierd things which is really very controversial for me. i really want to give up. im veri tired.. veri veri tired. sumtimes i think it would be better, if i din wake up after i sleep, at least i wun be confined to this world which has no room for me.

goodnight [aollovin]

todae.. chem prelim prac.. one word to describe. dead. i rly did veri badly.. i din do 13 marks wrth of questions.. i left them all blank.. and also my table of values.. ALL WRONG!!.. i think i can kiss my chem prac goodbye.. as well as my A1 for my chem.. im so damned pissed lah.. its nt lyk as if i din try.. but the bludy paper was so damn long.. SIX TITRATIONS!!!! normalli in de lab i onli did 2 at most.. and now 6 BLOODY TITRATIONS.. i hate chem prac.. and i think de school shud nt set smth so out of de blue.. yah i noe it boils down to our techniques and concepts.. and honestli i dun suck at mole concept lah.. budden de paper was so damn.. UNEXPECTED.. and dats puttin it nicely lah.. im nt angry wif de paper, im just angry coz my chances of A1 for chem has just dropped to a all time low percentage.. feel lyk cryin man

yest.. night.. was just plain awful.. i got a feelin i noe why.. i guess its lyk all my fault lah.. sumtimes i juz take things too hard.. i pour myself in too quickly.. and when i realised it.. its too late to pull back out.. in de end, it just hurts everyone..
why cant i be less self centered.. i dun wan to awaez think of how to prevent myself frm being unhappi, i want to make others happi.. i want to!! but i cant.. becoz i can never fulli relinquish my hold on my happiness.. i still lyk being happi.. i hate dat..
but sumtimes i manage to do it.. but den another prob is dat when i giv, i also expect smth. i cnt make myself sumone whu rly loves wifout nd of reciprocation.. i lyk to feel loved.. i lyk to be cared for.. i do!! why??!!! why cant i juz giv wifout askin.. giv wifout hestation, giv happily..

haha.. i guess its onli coz im human.. it takes time to slowly learn and not an overnight change.. i guess i shud be patient.. life is nv one straight line.. there will be times when it seems dark.. times when its realli bright.. i guez take things as they come lor.. wad i hv power over.. i try to change to suit others. wad i dun hv power over.. i guez i shud learn to accept..

my lord, ure awaez watchin over me.. and u awaez giv me chances to redeem myself, but when i fail, u punish me wif sadness and pain which i self inflict.. budden, u awaez come bck to show me de light, to forgive me and den to make me undst.. that is why i love u.. that is why no matter how i awaez come bck to u.. ur love is de path i walk on in which i nv walk alone.. and my friends are de streetlights whom u plact to bring light to my life and my family are torches which i carry and awaez there when i nd them.. gentle yet firm.. ure more den family to me.. and i do so love u!!!

LOVES!!! [aollovin]

ahh de end of lessons.. hahas.. no more lessons le.. wait.. is dat a good or bad thing.. lol.. tmr is my chem prelim prac.. hope i can do well, not veri adept at QA lorz.. hmm... nvm.. juz do my best can le.. everybody else too!! jiaYOU!!!! =))

hahax, cheryl and clara, i shall blog bout u all.. lol.. since u all go see blog is to see whether got blog about u all nots.. lol.. hahax.. aiya tokin to u all rly v fun lah.. awaez laughin ones.. den we awaez discuss songs.. sing songs.. although cheryl lyk to sing out of tune.. WAHAHAx.. and den we discussed sum v eeky subjs.. ee dunno whether to sae nots.. hahax.. we discuss whether our parents still had sex.. EEEEEEEEEEEE.... lolx... so gross.. den cheryl sumor go arnd askin ppl.. cheryl!! u are SICK!!! ahahahax.. all in all.. talktin to u too is defenitely most fun and er... educational?? lolx

went home wif angeline todae.. chat alots.. we chat bout other countries and shopping.. and.... ELEPHANT POOP!!! AHAHAHAx.. do u smell smth... ? in ani case if u din noe, elephants poop is de size of coconuts!! hahax. had a great time chattin.. i fnd out angeline lyks to be wrapped up lyk a dumpling too.. ahahax.. juz kiddin.. i fnd out angeline, lyk me onli goes shoppin once a yr.. which is b4 de new year. and den wear de same outfits for the whole yr.. and we use de same strategies to make ourselves lyk got mor clothes lyk dat.. ahahax.. niwae.. it was fun!! lol.. thankew angeline =))

my lord, my mum almoz had a miscarriage.. lucky nth happend.. plz dun let anithin happen to my new sibling.. my lord.. plz bless the child and let him be safe and healthy.. i dun want to experience de pain of losin family.. thankew my lord.. love ya!!

this thurs meetin ming and yongjian after bio prac for combined humanities grp study.. though yj kept callin it tuition and keep callin me pro.. >.< im not a pro!! hahax.. budden de latest hist test i got a A2.. lol.. im juz glad i can do well in dis subj.. i think i realli hv to thank ms leng and mrs leong.. if nt for them.. dun think i wud do well.. niwae.. anibdy interested in joinin us for grp study is welcomed to do so.. =))

i juz love singin.. why? i dunno.. its relaxin to de soul.. ahahax.. i wanna be a lounge singer.. and if anibodi laughs.. i shall box dem.. ahahx kd la.. i noe its quite impossible..well.. i can dream right?? ahahax

loves!!! [aollovin]

i shall type this post in 5 mins.. hahax.. wanna go slp le..

had steambout at home, ma prepared lotsa food.. not bad lah.. v long nv eat steamboat le.. hahax
stil angry wif my dad.. dunno why leh.. wait for things to cool down ba.. i guez its lyk my fault too.. ahh heck.. rly muz control my temper.. >.<

had math tuiton todae.. math gettin rly ez.. cud do alot of qs liaoz.. hahax.. thx clara(tuition).. make me practise alot.. so gettin much betta le.. u get areal snse of accomplishments after doing the qs.. shiok lor.. hahax.. shall wrk harder.. mayb math does rock after all

wkend kinda bland.. had a few short chats.. nth more.. ahh dun complain lah.. its beta den nth at all. din rly study alot.. muz wrk doubly hard le.. sigh

my lord.. mayb dis is juz one of those daes where i got nth to sae except i love u.. hahax.. so sori..

i rly hv to start smilin again.. i mean i rly nd to find the warmth in my heart once more.. i feel it fadin away.. no longer as happi, positive.. hard to make others smile lyk dat.. hmm i rly nd ppl to go on.. i feel love fadin and happiness diminishin!! feel so helpless.. why cant i make ppl hAPPI???!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

sat awaez quite boring lah.. nth to do at all.. feel lyk gg out to take a walk.. sing abit.. lol.. hmm mayb i will after bloggin.. hahax..

yest night i got a chance to tok to loy, hahax.. xams for u over alr lorz.. so luckee! my prelim is lyk nxt wk.. sucks lor.. hahax.. but funi though, din sae much hor? hahax.. lyk nth to sae lyk dat.. though i wasnt realli in de mood to rly chat alot too.. hmm i wonder why certain things still affect me so much.. i juz cant control wad i feel.. dat SUX! but it was nice tokin to u still.. =)) good lucks for ur results!!

my lord.. why cant i awaez do wad i want.. i want to achieve so many things, be dis be dat.. but sumhow i juz lack de willpower to do so.. my lord.. grant me strength to be strong, grant me gifts to make smiles.. i juz want to see ppl smile.. can?? love ya!!

haiz i rly hv no mood to do ANITHIN at all.. dun feel lyk studyin, eatin, shittin, breathin.. hahax.. i juz wanna keep listenin to songs repeatedly and sing on and on until my throat pain.. if its one thing dat can make me feel less cooped up is vocalizin.. how i wish now gt s'pore idol or sum singin competition to watch.. nvm.. i shall juz keep vocalizin until my throat pain.. ahahax..

loves!!! [aollovin]

todae i still said alot of bad bad bad things.. sumtimes i juz wonder why cant i kkep my mouth shut.. if i gt nth nice to sae, then i shud not sae it at all.. i mean wad makes me betta den others.. and wad givs me the right to judge others?? man.. this sucks.. i suck.. the lord gave us mouth to sae nice words.. if i cant do it... den i dun deserve a mouth..

todae ms tay lyk smile at me during lesson when i ask her a qs, it was one of those rare times where she actualli flashed a rly sincere smile.. hahax.. thx ms tay.. lol.. den i got ms ridz to write my testimonial.. she was soo nice about it!! she even joked wif me!!! ahahax.. ms ridz is rly different in and outside class.. hahax.. thankew ms ridz!!!
math remedial was fun.. cheryl was lyk so hysterical.. coz she made so many mistakes and i kept pointin them out.. den she was lyk tryin to jump out de window.. ahahax.. so FUNI!! den clara was lyk, "benjamin, u shudnt hv told her" lolx.. damn funi.. haha.. these two nv fail to crack me up.. thankew!!
the amath paper was quite manageable.. haha.. i think my math gettin better too.. ahahax.. thats thx to my tutor i guess.. =)) though relative velocity is lyk.. my BIGGEST NIGHTMARE. the rest becomin betta.. and binomial expansions is lyk super ez now.. woots!!!

went home wif angeline and amanda todae.. it was fun.. hahax.. taikoon din come to skool.. and i was lyk.. "ehhh.. wheres taikoon?" ahahax im so super duper blur.. bus times are fun.. takin bus is fun.. hahax.. so lame.. but lyk hu cares

my lord.. i reealli nd hlp to control my words.. plz hlp me to stop sayin nasty thing and tok until lyk i veri good lyk dat when i myself have lyk so many flaws... to de person dat i keep tokin bad about.. im sorri.. i guez i rly mu control.. CONTROL!!! i can do it! love ya lord!!!

yest mathilda was kicked out.. omg its realli quite sad lah.. shes realli a good singer.. although this wks performance was not rly her standard.. mayb dats why she kena kicked.. hmm.. but i think she shud considerin becomin a diva.. lyk whitney houston and mariah carey.. wooots.. imagine.. s'pore's own whitney houston.. nice man.. nurul was in de top 3!!!!!! she rox lah!!! i was so afraid she wud kena kicked.. i was so happi when she wasnt.. lol.. but i got a feelin.. it will be de same three hu were unsafe dis wk which will be unsafe nxt wk.. theyre good though.. but not up to me to sae lah.. but i support NURUL MAIDEEN!!!!!!!! WHEEEE!!!!!!!!!

prelims is nxt wk!!! nxt wk!!!! omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.. wad else can i sae??? hahax.. jiayou everybody!!!!!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

yest s'pore idol was fun.. hahax... i miss hadi, joakim and jasmine.. sobs.. forgot abt the time.. at least i din miss nurul!!!! aHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! she sang realli nicely!!!! i lyk!!! i notice she sings lotsa natalie imbrulgia songs.. she sang "wishin i was there" and its soo nice.. i dl it too!!! hahax.. i heard hadi was de bez singer.. hmm wudnt noe.. din see him perform.. budden i realize paul rly cant sing!!! >.< im soo mean.. but he cant drag his voice.. he awaez cut things short.. hahax.. the rest also nt so good leh.. jonathan wasnt dat good.. but betta den paul.. mathilda.. haha.. she wasnt singin, she was shoutin.. it had no notes!!! it was flat!!! ahahax.. im rly no critic so i shud stop here.. haha.. but aniwae.. it was nice..

i like "wishin i was there" and "everytime we touch[slow version]' v v v much.. ahahax.. but bth quite old le.. esp 'wishin i was there' hahax but i dun care.. its nice!!! lol.. i also realized eatin honey really hlps ur throat be less.. scratchy.. hahax.. nice.. shud drink mor honey =))

todae in skool nth much happend lah.. hmm.. yah nth much.. hahax.. so gt nth to write about
however, prelims is nxt WK!!! omgomgomgomgomgomg.. how??!!! hahax.. i dun think im fully prepared yet.. muz mug lyk siao now.. hahax..
now everybody v bz studyin.. not dat its bad or anithin.. juz hope u guys dun get too engrossed and den forget about gettin enuff rest.. take care ok? if tired.. juz go slp.. dun try to force studyin.. coz u wun get anithin in.. kk? JIA YOU!!
loy, ziq and ck.. gambatte!!! do well for ur CT2!! dun giv up.. juz do ur best!!!!!!! if u do nd hlp can ask ok? hahax.. JIAYOU!!
sun nu liying.. do get sufficient rest ok? u din come to skool todae.. muz take care arh?? jiayou!!

my lord.. sumtimes i stil stray away from the right path.. hmm i awaez lack the resolve and strength to withstand temptation, though everytime i feel u tuggin me back.. creatin circumstances to hlp prevent me from sinning.. thankew v much! U ROCK!!.. i will be stong for u.. love u!!!!

hmm.. dunno wad else to sae le.. hahax.. silly me.. nvm.. god bless everybody!!! and GOOD LUCKSTO ALL!!!! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yah.. i fail bio.. sux lah.. mrs ng so disappointed wif me.. muz wrk harder!!! heex.. i muz get good grades so as not to disappoint her!! =))

loves!!! [aollovin]

my new pencil box
i got a new pencil boX!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! super duper nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahax.. ita a gift from my tuition teacher as reward for gettin A1 in my chinese. XIE XIE LAO SHI!!! HEN HAO KAN!!!! haha

haha i think im starting to like 'everytime we touch' very much, though i much prefer the piano version.. its snds more lyk a love song and quite ez to sing lah.. hahax.. its a nice song.. =)) thankew ziq for sendin it to me!! ahahax. i cudnt find the piano version on the net!! wahH!!! so in de end had to use the normal one.. which is nice too.. but i prefer de piano one.. hahax..

todae nth much happen in skool lah.. hmm.. we missed geog lesson todae.. ahahax... shhhhhh.... oh yah.. cheryl was visited by a brown spider.. ahahax.. she was realli scared.. actualli i also dun lyk spiders.. if they land on me or crawl on me think i will probably freak lah.. hahax.. but todae i use a magazine and sweep it away!! hahax.. piak! and den spider begone.. and guez wad its rly gone.. cudnt find it after dat.. mayb it landed in cheryl pocket!! wahahaha!!! oh and ade said cheryl was a jellyfish.. i aGREE!!! ahahax.. esp when she squint her eyes!! ahahax... kdkd.. no lah u dun look lyk jellyfish.. niwae jellyfish still beats airpork!!! HAHAHAHAHA..

i said sum pretty bad stuff todae.. sori god.. i shud apologise lor.. man wads wrong wif me.. nvm.. i resolve to nv do it again.. in fact my lord even reminded me yest not to judge others or risk being judged myself.. man.. thx lord for remindin me.. shall wrk harder!! love ya!!

now is de exam fever.. everybody all 'pia'ing to do revision.. ppl.. dun stress urselves too much yah?? rmb to hv fun too.. no point revisin wifout gettin anithin in.. pick de right time and atmosphere to study..but dun forget things dat are impt to ok? lyk smilin.. laughin.. playin.. hahax... JIA YOU!!!!!!!!! hahax... i also muz lyk super buck up alr.. i will! lol.. i hope..

loves!!! [aollovin]

MUAHAHAHA hahax.. de damn irritating fly has juz been killed!! hahax thx to june's lightning fast hand and sharp eyes.. whack! and stomp! no mercy shown! dats wad u get fot buggin ppl.. hahaax.. budden.. i think its relative came bck to look for it.. mayb de wife or husband.. and den dis time.. i whacked it!! it was lyk piak! den stomp! hahax.. stoopid bug, keep flyin arnd.. im sooo evil!!! muahaha... sry fly?

todae was de english olvl orals!!! wahh it was scaree at firz.. budden it wasnt so bad once u got dwn to doing it.. hahax.. the qs were preetty ez and i cud say quite alot about my own opinions and thoughts.. but i dun think de examiners lyk it.. and den she sumore giggled when i said i wanna become a lounge singer!! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u shall pay!!! stomp on my dreams lyk dat.. sobs.. hahax nvm.. =))
ppl taking the orals tmr.. good luck yah? hahax.. jiayou!!!

todae gave bck geog.. den ms ridz v v v fierce to de ppl hu failed.. im soo glad i din fail.. heng arh.. hahax.. =)) budden to those hu kena scolded.. dun wry!! im sure u all can get distinction for the comin test.. jia you!! gamBATTE!!! heex

yest i talk to my new grandaughter for v v long.. haahax.. oh my granddaughter is liying.. hahax.. den she send me a jai you pic.. it ws nice..cant upload it, sobs .. thankew SUN NU!! ahahahax.. bie guai ye ye luo suo orh.. lao le shi zhe yang de.. hahax.. jia you arh!!!

yest also had a short conversation wif loy, ziq and ck.. got a few songs lyk ' everytime we touch ' not bad lah.. but its a remix radio edit version. so mor suitable for dancin.. but its nice niwae.. thx!! oh and got this jap song too.. nt bad lah.. but abit on the punk rock side.. hahax.. niwae thx guys =)) and loy v caught up in de xam fever, not much time to tok lately.. its ok.. jia you ok?? hahax.. im sure u can do well.. same to ziq and ck too!!! GAMBATTE!!

hmm god, i dunno whether im doing the rite thing by steppin on paper money, i dun feel guilty leh.. i mean.. if i see i wun purposely avoid, i juz step if it gets in my way.. but i mean.. why shud i nd to wry about demons and ghosts?? i dun even believe in dem!! hmm perhaps shud be sensitive lyk shitien and ade said... haha.. will try.. but i rly dun believe in it at all.. hahax.. im such a selfish person.. ghosts are just.. NOT REAL!! hahax..
but niwae if there were, i wudnt nd to fear the aniwae. not as long as i have god beside me.. hahax. love ya lord!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

there is dis irritating fly dat flys around where i sit everydae.. rrrr.. stoopid fly.. heyheys.. i realli mean a fly not a person.. budden its not a housefly. its a bug dat has a sting at the end lor.. how do i noe?? coz i saw a pointy pointy thing stickin out of its arse.. oops hahax.. tmr i shall swat it if not i shall bring insecticide and i will get u.. u irritatin fly!!! hahax

todae took bus home wif angeline and amanda, we discussed bout lotsa stuff.. sum of which are unspeakable wahahahax... no lah kd kd.. budden i wud lyk to sae smth.. firz off, thievery is utterly disgusting and sickening.. but i can forgive dem if the thief steals frm sumone he doesnt noe.. not thats its right but den its definitely much betta den stealin from ur frens!!!! its just plain bloody f****** shitty thing to do lah.. im sorri for being so vulgar.. but i hate this kinda ppl hu steal from frens and betray their trust.. DESPICABLE!!! u deserve to be punished.. dun let me find out lor.. ahh hu am i kd.. i wun do it .. but i wish i would, im nt sayin names here.. but my friends, plz look after ur belongins, do not leave them in class and do not leave them unattended.. i can hlp look after ur things when i stay in class.. so juz lemme noe =)) and those hu still carries on this henious act, STOP IT!!! u will be caught, not now not tmr, but sumdae.. so STOP b4 its too late.

ok back to my bus trip home.. hahax.. i had to express my anger at such scums.. but as long as they stop it and return the things.. i guez they can stil be forgiven.. i dunno wad reasons they have. but if they realli nd hlp they shud ask for it.. hlp will surely be rendered..

oh as i was sayin, i was tokin bout christianity wif angeline and amanda, thx for all those info.. haha.. i wud nv hv known.. but actualli does it realli matter wad kind of christians we are? methodists, protestants, catholics, adventists.. arent we all worshippin god..arent we all still loving god. though there are stil sum things dat i do not agree wif chrisstianity but if its one thing i learnt is dat god isnt awaez about rules, praise and hymns.. but its mor of love.. isnt the greatest commandment to love god with all ur heart?? so to me it doesnt matter wad we are or hu we are, god just wants us to love him.. dat i noe v well =)) hahax.. my lord.. actualli i dun undst why catholic priests cant hv families.. i mean din u create Eve because u felt Adam was lonely?? so why do u require ur servants to suffer solitude?? it doesnt make sense.. and by right as ur servents, i do not believe u will allow harm to befall anione of us.. so why do we fear war and danger?? i hv faith that u will watch after ur true servants.. i guez im stil young and immature, but im being completely honest, my lord i do not agree wif sum of ur ways and i wan to let u noe.. ultimately i will realize ure perfect and im awaez wrong, but right now, let me be silly firz and ans my silly qs ok? ahhax love u lord!!

i had a sudden attack of epitaxis in de nose.. haha i mean nose bleed lah.. warm and metal smellin.. urgh.. liquid flowed out of my nose.. eeee.. hahax.. yeah.. i dunt hink its nose cancer lah.. i think i hv a very thin blood vessal there and ani excessive strong movements might tear it and cause it to bleed.. hahax.. my nose lyk glass lyk dat.. FRAGILE ahahax.. come to think of it.. im FRAGILE too.. no excessive strenous activities for me.. haha.. i had awaez a weak constitution since young.. hmm nvm.. but im glad my clsmates were so concernd for me.. =)) so touched!! ahahax.. thx for askin,, im fine =)) thx davin for ur entire packet of tissue.. hahax thx xiqing and sihui for ur tissue, thx hazel for askin if i nded more.. thx xiner for askin how i was.. thx i dunno hu dat hlp me bring my stuff to class lol, thx ms tay for askin shafiq to hlp get ice for me, thx shafiq for gg all de way down to hlp me get ice. thx cheryl and clara for advice and concern =)
thankew everybody!! lol.. thank god too!! lol.. why? coz... i shuang.. ahahax

i shall not tok about studies todae.. ahahx.. everybody jia you!!

oh i forgot to tok about last wk s'pore idol.. lol.. it was nice lah.. cept when paul and joakim sang.. it was erm... out of tune and juz bad.. hahax. im so v v mean!! rahimah sang rather offensively.. lyk v v erm fierce lyk dat.. too much angst is not appealin at all... mayb dats y she kena kicked. i much rather see ppl smile.. lyk NURUL!! shes awaez smilin!! a happi goober!! ahahax dats why i think she has crowd appeal.. coz she potray herself as a simple, sincere, happi go lucky, natural and nice person.. plus she has a pretty good voice too. the others did ok.. esp jonathan.. he sang rather well i felt, de judges say he was mumblin.. i dun think so lor.. i cud hear him loud and clear.. and i think its nice.. hahax budden dats juz my opinion.. jasmine also ok, hadi also.. i snd lyk a critic when actualli im nth but a noob.. haha nvm lah.. juz gvin my opinion.. =)) nurul rox.. though i dun realli lyk over de rainbow.. its abit boring lor.. haha.. prefer song wif mor beats and a rhythm and tempo.. how bout rihanna's songs?? hahax.. den the theme dis wk is rock.. bleh! i do not lyk rock.. hahax. nurul cant sing rock.. so she shall sing a rock ballad.. i hope.. cant imagine nurul dwn there 'rockin' hahax..

ok i shall stop here.. de sun todae v nice.. listenin to 'we ride' and enjoyin the sun is nice.. ahhhh.. how relaxin.. hahax.. =)) smiles everybody!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

todae was our school carnival which was opend to de public.. haha i met yongjian at my busstop to make our way there.. =)) he drop at de wrong busstop so he had a leisurely stroll firz.. hahax.. im so mean.. we met at bout 11.10.

i had to sae it wasnt exactly the carnival of the year, but i do see the amount of effort put in by the students and other peeps.. de food was ok lah.. not bad.. and de games were ok considerin moz of them was home made.. =)) haha yj spent 12 bucks juz for some measly postcards.. haha lucky i din play. i bought toys for my lil bro and sum lil bags for my sis. thx sihui for hlpin me pick de bags, i din dare to go coz it was a all gurls store.. wahahax.. oh i din henna too.. wrote three lettas on my alm.. "ben" and it cost 3 bucks.. wah.. 1 buck for 1 letta.. ex sia.. budden is i ask for it one.. hees. wah but there realli wasnt much to buy there.. 30 bucks so hard to spend!! haha..

yeah thats all dat happen during the dae lah.. it was pretty fun, went home at bout 2pm.. thx yj for accompanyin me there.. hope u had fun too!! =))

once again my sis told me to consider a carrer as a singer.. hoohoo... hahax.. i dunno bout dat but its nice to hear niwae.. lalalalalalala.. im so zi wo tao zui now.. lalalalalalala... i hv to thank rihanna as well since her songs so nice!! esp 'we ride' its fast, smooth and refreshin.. nice man.. woots..

haha.. im so bored this few daes.. feel lyk gg out to buy mor new clothes!! i wanna buy jeans from LEVIs!!!! the jeans so nice!!! budden arh.. its super duper ex.. sad lor.. i did so lyk their jeans!!! and den i wanna go body glove in JB to get sum pretty gropvy shirts.. wahhh!!! i want new clothes!!!! i wanna go SHOP! wah snd lyk a typical auntie.. hahax.. i wan new clothes i dun care!!

haha thx god for lettin me be alive to enjoy mor of it.. and u realli rock! thankew!!

haha and den dis few daes nv tok to aloy.. nv luff so much alr.. waaaa.. hahax.. but u pretty bz studyin for ur ct.. jiayou yah? lol.. ohh and dat dae ck tok to me i nv reply.. oooo.. so sorri!!! i wasnt at home!! nxt time we tok yah?? oh and gd lucks to the three of u for ur CT.. lol.

loves!!! [aollovin]

todae i dunno wad to post leh.. hmm i went out for a sumptious lunch i guess. i had korean barbeque sumwhere v far away.. hahax.. it was nice. dey had this small little sets of personal bbq which u cooked ur food in.. i had spicy pork and it was shiok.. haha budden it was v ex.. the lunch was abot 80bucks and dats wif a 10%discount.. if not.. it wud hv been 90 bucks.. yikes.. haha but my dad sae its to celebrate me gettin A1 for my chinese..

ltr will be gg out again.. gg to my grandmas houz.. hmm wonder wad will i be eatin for dinner... if its one thing im picky about. its food.. haha not dat i eat sharks fin and abalone but i juz cant eat food dat tastes bad.. even if its sum top grade shark fins soup.. if it tastes bad.. i wun lyk it.. to me even a nice bowl of minced pork noodles is a gazillion times better den awful lobster stew.. hahax.. i am so picky bout my food.. =))

i dun feel lyk tokin much todae.. hmm i guez i shud thank de lord for being with me as awaez.. haha love u!!

hmmm mayb i will post another post ltr. for now.. bb!

loves!!! [aollovin]

todae.. was the release of the chinese o level results.. it was.. scary.. it was nervewreaking.. it was.................. GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHAHA.. i got an A1.. omgomgomgomg i cant believe it.. its an A1!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.. and i was juz postin yest about how i could post good news todae.. well here it is!!!! wooHOO!!!! its rly nice to get an A1 lor.. its lyk a secured 1 in my l1r5.. its just great.. i guez i shud realli thank my tuition teacher and my chinese teacher.. xie xie june!! xie xie hsueh lao shi!!! haha oh and thx mum for hirin me a tutor of coz and dad for payin it.. =))

haha.. dat was a realli nice piece of news isnt it?? heeheex.. budden i shud keep this low key.. haha.. its not nice to flaunt results... oh and i forgot to thank u my lord.. if it wasnt u hu planned my life.. i wudnt be this happi!!

ok now for sum rather scary news... mayb im juz being paranoid.. but yest i just got a vision of wad i think is the antichrist... its realli v scary.. its de 2nd time ive felt it... and sumhow i cant name it.. and it happend when i asked god 'what am i'. he showed me the chapter timothy and it so happens there is a passage explainin deacons and overseers.. and i fnd it suit me quite well.. and den dat horrible cold feelin came.. it was lyk a dark shadow in fire .. i couldnt see de face but i could see the eyes.. oh man... mayb im realli imaginin things.. but all my hair stood up and i felt realli cold.. budden it went away after i forced it away.. man... its juz gross..
god bless all of us and shield us from the darkness dat threatens to steal ur souls.. with love and faith i will go on and protect those i love and those dat u do.
my lord i dunno why i felt it but its smth i cant sae was completely bonkers.. i hope dat if ure preparin me for a test, i wun fail.. loves u my lord!!

haha oky the scary thing is over.. wahahax.. plz dun label me mad.. coz i realli felt it.. im not lying!! haha ok... and den i realized dat there was actually s'pore idol on wed.. i tot coz got national dae den no more budden in de end have!!!! i din get to see nurul sing.. budden she sang over the rainbow.. which i dun realli lyk.. ahaha.. oh and it seems rahimah has been kicked.. man it has so gotta suck.. comin so far juz to be kicked.. i wonder hu is gg to be kicked nxt wk.. i juz hope it isnt nurul.. coz she rox!! if onli she cud sing rihanna songs dat it will be lyk so nice!!! woots!!! dats an idea there =))

prelims v v close alr.. v v super duper close.. and im so not prepared.. sick of repeatin the same thing over and over again.. hahax.. budden i stil dun hv the drive leh.. im still gonna sae at least my math is improvin... but i feel my chem deprovin.. not dat its becomin bad.. but im not so confident animor.. hmm.. i shall soon go into full chem attack and master everythin again..!! hahax...

lately everybody all veri stressed by xams and results... hope u alld un get to cought up in de xam fever.. plz rmb to rest sufficiently as well.. dun overwork urself.. studyin for the sake of studyin wifout gettin anithin in is juz plain silly. plz rmb dat.. study smart and hard.. JIA YOU EVERYBODY!!!!!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

wahh.. 3 daes of holidae so fast alr.. tmr muz go bck to skool le.. budden its de last dae of the wk as well.. haha and den its de wkends again... and as every dae passes, the prelims creep nearer and nearer.. oh man.. i stil dun think im ready... i rly rly have to work v v hard now.. well at least my math is makin some headway.. =))
and den tmr is de release of the olvl chinese results... ooooo.. i tot i wudnt be scared.. but i stil am...!!! im realli afraid dat i might not get an A1.. nvm... i believe i can.. yesyes.. haha.. good lucks to evrybody!!!!! hope tmr when i blog.. i can post good results!! hahas

yest was NDP.. budden i nv watch.. i onli watch v v v lil.. i saw de malay guy singin.. i suspect hes the winner of the malay singin competition 'anugerah' his voice is nice lor.. =)) and den i saw chen wei lian, de winner of jue dui superstar.. haha and de girl gongsun sumth isz?? haha ive no idea.. after dat i saw a lil bit of fireworks.. aiya i rather listen to rihanna.. hahax.. her songs are much nicer den ndp lah.. and den i decided to make mor paint pics for loy. =)) haha yah mayb i too free.. its juz a form of appreciation lah..
haha oh and sry bout yest.. din noe u werent tokin to her animore.. den in de end u fell aslp.. hahax.. actualli i tot want to call u and chk.. den ask u turn off de com.. budden scared wake ur family up.. hahax.. paiseh

my lord.. im realli slowly startin to forget le!!!! YAY!!!! hahax.. v soon i will no longer be affected by it.. thx so much.. =)) btw i feel sumhow ive been given another gift.. isz for real?? hahax.. if it is.. den thankew v much.. its nice. love u my lord!!! woots!!!

oh and everyone hu has been there for me one way or another.. thankew so much!!!

haha think i end wif a sayin dat i made.. hahax...
*hate not for anger, nor hate for love
for hate brings anger, and hate destroys love
haha it snds silly.. but hu cares!

loves!!! [aollovin]

yest i nv go to the stadium for the awards dae cum national dae celebration.. haha while everyone woke up at six to make thier way there, i woke up at 7+ to watch tv!! wahahaha.. im sooo sadistic.. haha.. it might have been fun.. but i think i rather giv it a miss!! ahahahax..
budden my olvl eng orals are comin soon.. quite scary lah.. but i think as long as i giv my best den it doesnt matter =)) and dis fri is the release of the chinese olvl results.. which is super scary.. ooo i so muz secure an A1 lah.. did i mention it was super scary?? hahax.. but good lucks to everybody.. im sure we can all do well =))

yest i also found my new fav singer.. rihanna.. not dat shes a new singer or wad.. budden she juz released a new album titled 'girl lyk me' with some super duper nice songs lyk 'unfaithful' and 'the final goodbye' oooooo soooooo nice!!!!! haha spent hrs tryin to embed it on my blog.. spent longer learnin the tune and gettin it right. haha but i finalli got it aniwae.. =)) but muz practice sumor =)) stil got lyrics hvn memorize yet... i juz love the songs!!

yest night was also a terrible time for me.. im sry aloy.. din mean to suddenli become lyk dat.. but haha ur 'niceness' reminds me of the 'unniceness' of dat person.. felt realli bad... i rly hate dat person for makin me suffer.. but i hate myself even more for lettin dat person do dat.. dis time.. im givin up and im lettin go.. for real..
thx alot loy for tryin to cheer me up =)) ure a realli nice fren.. haha.. one dae i muz realli find sum way to repay u.. right now.. all i can do is pray for u.. haha... thx a lot yah

my lord, im sorry dat yest i didnt pray.. i was feelin too bad.. i cud feel u there though.. thx for being there for me... actualli u knew dis wud happen the moment it started din u..? but i din listen.. i guez i hv to pay the price of my utter stupidity... i can onli blame myself for not being able to be heartless. but i think im slowly lettin go.. not long now.. thx a lot my lord.. i will try my best to heed ur advice frm now on.

everytime i rmb this unhappiness, my mood becomes really bad.. i dun hv anithin esle to write alr.. but to those hu realli care for me.. i thankew u v v much.. u hv no idea how much u all hv hlped.. god bless all of u.. =)

loves!!! [aollovin]

todae got bio mock xam.. i think i might fail.. tsktsk... shud had done betta, sumore i finish it way b4 the time limit.. either i v clever or i was simply trashin.. hmm think i will go wif thrashin.. hahax. nvm nxt time study harder can liaoz..
todae skool was simply silly.. they made us sing n- day songs.. and did i mention dey were super duper corny!!!! chans malie chans my foot, munnaeruee valibaz my ass.. counte on moi spore my other foot! omg how did i turn so vulgur!!! hahax.. kd lah.. but it was realli realli corny.. and sumore some guy behind me was tryin to hit the high notes.. but failed terribly.. i stepped on a cat's tail and heard the same sound.. WHAAHA todae in a evil mood.. heex im sorry if i hurt anibdy.. its just a joke..

wah super shuang, tmr and the dae after and the dae after after, haha terrible eng.. NO SKOOL!!! wooT!!!! can slp in slp late or dun slp at all!! wahahaha!!! super nice and den no borin lessons dat make me fall aslp.. i shant sae wad lessons.. hahax.. not much hmwk as well.. slack slAcK SLACK!!! haha

budden prelims comin.. oooo.. v v scari!! nvm i shall not think about it.. my auto defense system shall protect me from stress and pressure.. hahax =))

god i was so happi u were there for me yesterdae.. i cud feel u wif me yest night.. i noe im wrong and its my fault, and my lord i still do(....) but i dun want to animor.. i want to forget(...) i hv had enough alr.. its realli time for me to move on and leave de past behind.. can u hlp me?? and i thank u for givin me wonderful ppl hu hlp ease my pain.. so much so much..

lately ive been playin audition sea.. hahax.. quite fun lah.. keep dacin and dancin and dancin and dancin... haha.. its juz smth dat hlps relieve boredom when u cant play certain stuff.. haha..

this week is the carnival oh man.. realli dun wan to go man.. but i bought 30 bucks!! if i dun go.. the money is sooo gg to fly into the drain.. feel lyk cryin.. all my money!!! sobs

i noe everybody muz be realli wrkin and studyin hard now.. jia you.. i noe dat we all can score 6s for our l1r5.. heehee.. JIA YOU!!!!

and to all my frens out there.... THANX FOR MAKING MY LIFE A BUNDLE OF JOY!!! GOD BLESS ALL OF U!!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

some things were just meant to be found out.. and the outcomes are definitely not pleasant. and it happend todae to me, i wun sae i rather i din find out, but at the same time, i wud hv lived juz de same wifout. i tot it wudnt make me sad but yet it still hurts, it still hurts... but im fine.. i will keep livin and keep smilin.. i guess its time to end it alr. but den sumhow or rather, i feel realli realli saddened, till now i find myself in a state of denial.. im obviously a fool and an idiot for believin.

but i realli hv to thank some ppl hu make life so much easier and hlp me carry on and look forward to tomorrow. and of coz makin me smile every chance dey have,
aloysius, ziq and ck hu awaez manages to make my dae no matter how bad it was. spendin time wif u guys juz makes me feel lyk nth in de world can get me down. and esp aloy hu awaez makes me laugh lyk siao, make me forget all my probs, makin fun of each other and argueing over hu sings betta.. hahax, it was rly truely enjoyable
cheryl and clara hu have made skool so much more bearable and fun, and we've spent so much times makin fun at this and dat.. esp me.. hahax. but i dun mind. it was funni! =))
yongjian for spendin time, hangin in and out of skool, esp the bus rides home..!! rock on!!
clara lee, zhiying and my library mates hu hlp me destress every fri when i come and visit.
and ALL my classmates hu nv fail to lend a hlpin hand and show concern when im unwell. i rly do appreciate it..
and my family hu tries their best to make me feel betta and understand wad im gg thru.
and last but not least, god, hu has never eva left my side, carin for me, answerin all my prayers in one way or another. makin things happen, for me to realize dat i hv so mny things to cherish and love. ure the best fren and family anyone cud eva ask for.

bad things happen sumtimes, unhappi events occur, its a part of life dat we cannot escape from and it is dis inevitable things dat make us truely understand wad happiness is and how precious it is.
sumtimes it seems lyk we are torn from our dreams and deprived of happiness, but actualli, if we were to open our eyes and juz glance around, there are still so many wonderful, happi things dat makes us smile. no doubt sorrow and anger may rule us sumtimes, wad matters is we rmb to forgive ourselves and others, den forget our unhappiness and move on. life waits for no one, so move on and move happily, forget ur fears and doubts. life is beautiful, onli if u learn to be happi.

i thank everyone once again for makin my life such a joy, wifout all of u.. i simply wudnt noe wad to do.. thankew all.

loves!!! [aollovin]

yest i sang.. omg i rly sang lah.. and den i recorded my voice and den i snd silly haha... i think i sang realli sucky hahax.. no matter, its a fantasy to wanna become a lounge singer, mayb i will stick with social worker.. haha thx loy for being nice =)) rly appreciate =)) budden i rly dun think i can lah, hahax.. i think u can lorz.. mayb one day become world class rapper/singer den cnt forget me arh.. =))

i think i lyk being a psychologist as well.. i realized i always subconsciously try to figure out wad a person is thinkin.. i can usually read actions and tones quite well too.. perhaps i shud appreciate being hypersensitive.. hahax.. and i lyk counsellin ppl too.. but i tend to think im awaez right.. muz be less forceful, counsellin requires a soft approach and lotsa patience.. muz train.. =)) i lyk to figure things out too, slowly comtemplating wads wrong.. den try to solve or invent new theories dat can help.. =)) psychologist also can hlp ppl.. but i so want to be a psychiatric therapist.. so cool =))

maybe i can be a part time social worker/psychiatric therrapist/lounge singer... woot snds COOL!! social worker can hlp all kinds of ppl that requires help, while psychiatric therapist can hlp ppl with psychological problems and den lounge singer can sing song hlp ppl relax.. meaninful leh!! haha yes, i think ive found my ambition(s) hahax =)) and den occasionalli go become missionary.. hlp spread gods love.. =)) oh dat kinda life is so meaningful.. mayb i shud consider being a clown too, make ppl laugh.. hahax.. wait mayb not, dos freaky make up makes children cry, not laugh.. eee hahax

wait i also wanna be a gynaecologist.. though many consider dat a womans job, but i dun care, hvin de feelin of successfully hlpin sumone deliver a bundle of new life and joy is well worth the criticism.. juz imagine, a baby firz cry when he comes out.. budden i might not be able to take the trauma of a failed pregnancy.. omg wad if i fail to deliver the baby.. mayb i dun wan be gynaecologist alr, if alls well den dats good but if smth happens..... no way im way too emotional to let this kinda things not affect me..

yeah i'll stick to lounge singer/psychiatric therapist/social worker/missionary.. haha anibdy interested in de same things i am?? wah four jobs.. haha, but i bets its gonna be great. shud consider being a judge, nah, no way, way to gan qing yong shi(emotional), wun be able to pass professional judgements.

haha seems lyk i got everything set in mind.. hope i can make my dreams come true.

p.s this is a special post. ordinary post will be posted ltr in de dae =))

loves!!! [aollovin] my dreams

todae smth bad happened.. i had a rather heated conversation dat caused sum unhappiness.. felt realli realli bad after dat.. im so sorry clara, i shud nt hv reacted dat way.. but im glad we cud settle it in the end.. =))
haha sry yong jian, i forgot to mention u yest, so todae i thank u ok? haha.. thx a lot for showing concern.. rly touched... appreciate lots.. =)) thankew everyone for ur concern!! im feelin betta alr!!! hahax =))

todae i listen to torn many many times.. hahax.. this song is rly cool.. ez to sing too.. haha yest nurul wasnt in the last four leh!!! mayb arh she might win.. WOOT!!! den jay kena kicked out, nt surprisin since he sang so wierdly.. but its a pity though, come so far juz to be kicked out.. so sad...

yest i talk v long on msn... haha clara, ur pics are cool.. thx for showin me!! and den ck also prompt me.. he greeted me but then he din sae anithin after dat.. and den i told him off.. cant believe i did dat.. i was soo mean.. muz apologise.. budden my com got prob, dun allow me to type.. idiot com.. oops did i sae idiot? haha im sorri.. now its fine though, it felt lyk a tantrum, de com was lyk sayin" u used me too long!!! im gg on strike!!"

haha god todae i din rly take time to feel ur presence, sry for nt prayin last night.. abit tired.. budden i noe u're still there =)) todae also nth.. NTH!!! aHHH.. nvm.. tmr.. if tmr cannot, den the day after and after and after.. haha.. as long as im alive, im not gg to stop tryin =)) thx for lovin me soo much!!! i love u too!!!

and den yest i was angry wif my dad again.. oh man dis rly sucks.. but nvm.. todae will be betta.. i noe it will... hmm i wonder whether my new sibling will be bro or sis.. haha but i guez it doesnt matter.. will love them jus as much.. and den im gonna spoil them and dey gg to becom brats again.. budden i cant stop it.. i guez its a weakness.. i love babies!!!! and infants and toddlers!!! dun lyk brats though.. haha..

skool carnival is nxt sundae.. i bought 20 dollars wrth of tickets!!!! AH!!!! and all i self absorb!!! i had to go wifout food for a wk... wah damn sian.. and den i went to buy 10 bucks mor todae coz ms tay sae she top up 100+ bucks lah, feel so bad so i bought mor lor.. wahhh but lyk dat nxt wk i dun hv money again!! and i dunno wad to do wif the 30 bucks lah.. buy toilet paper and stock up isz?! haha.. anibdy want to go wif me?? if not im juz gonna dump de tickets.. i dun wan ask my family.. ask them go skool wif me so wierd.. hahax.. wahh im soo poor.. sobs.. nvm.. treat it as a diet scheme.. so self deludin, hahax

prelims inchin nearer and nearer,, eee, quite scary.. and im totalli not prepared.. but i hv to scrape thru wif at least a 11, and my knowin css, thats quite impossible.. damn dey make the paper so hard its realli beyond me.. of coz it cud be juz me and my laziness.. moz probably is lah.. so i muz change.. easier said den done though.. well at least my math is improvin =)) everybody jia you!! dun giv up!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

oh man.. todae sucked.. had p.e todae.. overexert myself greatly.. hey wad u xpect.. i actualli ran faster than reuben the pro for a SHORT period of time. haha im a short burst of speed person i guez.. and den my heart went.. instead of lub dub,, went bam bam bam.. made my chest rly painful, cudnt breathe and i felt realli weak. and den after dat i started gettin pangs of pain in my stomach.. not lyk its de firz time but it was mor intense dis time.. pain until my eyes went blurry.. den ms loh said i luked rly bad so ask me go home..
and den i go home dat time got alot of ppl ask me to take care.. so touched, sry if i din reply u.. coz it was rly painful .. but i wanna thank u ALL VERY VERY MUCH... i rmb got amanda, angeline, taikoon, cheryl, clara, tim, haha and a few wich i cudnt identify but all de same.. im rly v touched =)) thankew!!! oh and haha, thx davin for accompanyin me down and hlpin me take stuff.. and den u had to run up and down so sori, thx a lotz!!!

till now it still hurts and my legs feel lyk jelly.. i wobbled almoz everywhere.. haha.. i muz rmb not to run so fast animor.. not worth it... wah i skip alot of skool leh.. hope i can catch up man..

yest i watch s'pore idol, oh man nurul maideen was ze bez, de judges say she veri borin.. but i think she got a great personality and a great voice... she sang "put ur records on" by corinne bailey rae.. nice lor =)) hope she become s'pore idol den i buy her album.. haha sorri cheryl, lyk dat ur jonathan cant win.. wahAHAHAHA..

yest din get much chance to tok to ppl, but stil hv lah... was pretty fun but todae got amath mock xam so had to study.. in ani case dun think i will do well.. and den got functions leh!! ms tay nv ask us study lor. mayb she wan to test if we alr revisin.. hmm and den i suddenli siao "torn" and "put ur records on" probably influence by nurul but they are v nice songs dat keep makin me smile.. so cool.. =))

haha thx lord. sumhow i think u actualli hlped me todae.. i feel dat u were providin divine intervention.. thankew so much.. i rly noe dat u love me alot.. i love u too!! haha =)) todae also no new believers, nvm lets try tmr =)) lets juz keep tryin... i noe ure wif me every step i take.. thankew so much!!

think im happier now when im wif my family, not so bad alr.. i noe things will improve.. esp since our newest memb is comin in bout 7 mths time.. woot!!!! i juz cant wait to carry him or her in my arms and den feed hug kiss.. wahhh juz cant wait... my lord i pray that this newest memb can share ur love too =)) pls dun let anithing bad happen

also recentli i juz fnd out sumone hu was pregnant had a miscarriage though i dunno dis person.. but all the same im rly v sorri, i juz cant imagine the pain u are gg thru now.. god bless and hope u can continue findin happiness. omg i hope i dun hv to go thru de same pain..

prelims comin, feel the pressure, muz wrk hard now no mor slackin.. i wish.. haha everybody sloggin out there.. JIA YOU!!!

haha, niwae i got sumthing thati wud lyk to sae.. esp to ppl hu are full of anger and hatred or even complaints... i wish that u all actualli noe that there is actualli so much mor things for u to be happi about then angry and upset.. lookin thru many blogs, i found out many ppl are often angry bout this, unhappi about dat, but have u guys ever asked urself how many things u all possess dat others dun? shudn u be glad juz to be alive and well, healthy and whole? while there are millions out there hu hv so much mor right to complain and be unhappi about.. pp hu are sick, ppl hu hv no familise, ppl hu hv no homes... juz look! look at everything arnd u, wad right do u u hv to hate and be angry? happiness isnt a right isnt a gift, its a creation, u create it for others and urself, if u dun hv it, den ask urself why. i dun mean to scold anione nor deprive u of ur right to be angry, i juz want u to see how happi u can actualli be, isnt it so much more wonderful to smile den frown and sulk? create ur own happiness if its taken away, create mor, lyk love, the mor u give the mor u have. =)) so evrybdy SMILE! includin myself =))
ps. anibdy got nice boy or girl names to recommend?

loves!!! [aollovin]

wah yest night was super shiok.. i stayed up till 1 tokin to aloy.. haha so fun!!! we crapped alot and i made lame jokes dat made myself laughed lyk siao.. lucky no one wake up and found out haha =)) surprisingli i stil cud wake up dis morn.. ahaha.. hope can do dat again soon =)) hope u had fun too loy.. i noe i did.. oh and thx for makin me laugh so much..

todae was a fun dae, i discussed bout alot of songs.. den we play a silly game dat requires us to sing a song wif the word given.. so funni!! haha thx cheryl and clara, made me smile alot!!! den ms tay call me "idiot" wah so hurtin sia.. lol.. but it was funi too.. hee
i stil cant stand sumone.. yeah i noe im de one wif the prob, budden the things .. do stil v hard to stand... i mean hvn anione taught us not to play wif sharp objects? wad if u hurt sumone?? man.. its hard.. not to get pissed.. but muz keep tryin. =))

my lord im so happi u gave me so mny things to be happi about, hopefully i can find de same happiness in my family.. thx.. todae also nth.. no new believers... im sorry... wonder when can i stop being apolegetic and tell u ive actualli made sumone love u.. hope its sumtime soon. my lord i feel im a lil mor patient now.. can control my emotions betta.. juz a lil bit betta but not long, it will be ALOT betta. hahax =))

yest alot of ppl were there for me too.. juz cant find the words to express my gratitude.. hmm how bout thankew all V V V MUCH!!!!

prelims comin.. gettin a lil stress.. but studyin still not my priority, i dun intend to make it anyway.. coz i believe theres so much mor to life den books and knowledge.. theres still love, dreams, hopes and ppl.. so many things dat are far mor precious and wonderful... things dat require a lot of attention as well.. so im not makin studyin my priority, but im gonna wrk harder though.. muz arh if not i become stoopid.. haha
and to everybody studyin hard and workin ur guts out, jia you!!! i believe dat u all can do it..!!!!! yay!!!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]

haha yest night was fun.. rly nice tokin to u aloy, for 2 whole hrs... hahax.. and den i recieved a realli cool pic which means a lot to me.. dat is if u can see de link... i think its called "aold gg to bdae party" compliments of a rly cool artist "leonardo da vinci" hahax... thankew v much!!! i love it!! =))

todae i was relatively happi, i was able to stop myself frm saying nasty stuff... xept to cheryl, sorri for dashing ur dreams bout jonathan.. juz kd onli.. mayb u all rly can be together!.. but theres juz dis one person who i juz cant tahan.. his actions are lyk... no matter how hard i try, juz cant bring myself to lyk this person.. i guez im de one wif the problem.. nvm.. will try harder, wun give up

my lord, todae is another fruitless day, wasnt able to convert ppl.. im sorri.. still gg to try... not gving up...! my lord plz give me patience and the ability to learn to accept even people dat i hv a problem wif.. i believe everyone deserves to be loved and be happi, hu am i to sae dey dun?

yest alot of ppl were there for me.. thankew all v v much, u all rly gave me strength to carry on.. =)) life can be realli realli hard sumtimes.. but wif ppl lyk u all, theres awaez sumthin for me to smile about.. and i wish dat i cud do de same for u all everydae...

people hu are realli stress by xams and studies.. i noe it may snd wierd but i dun think pushin urself to the limit is the right thing to do now.. hv sufficient rez, work hard, play hard, dun be too extreme... i muz wrk harder too, not wrkin hard at all.. and to those wrkin too hard.. play hard as well =)) rmb studies isnt everything, dun let it take over ur life, rmb the things which matter and are still v impt to u =)) jia you everybdy!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]