PE was crazy.

i think i overexerted myself so bad that my ears started to have bubbles in them. there was this constant echo ringing in my head. and i started burping out gas, gros as it may sounds, it was damn uncomfortable.

but my legs are not tired leh.

and i feel pretty okay now. apart from a little woozy and sian cause it was bloody tiring. it isn't that bad.

i wonder if i can get a heart attack while i'm running.

thursdays are such long days. and 2 hours of chemistry is so... draining. thank god ms lee isn't boring and she tries to make lessons as fun as possible.
but it doesn't help when... argh.

forget it.

gp test today too. my brain cells perished in trying to complete the paper.

was never that smart anyway.

i and shihui pretended to be together too. hilarious. but mr grumpy was all sulky and mad. lol. kidding

i saw this really cute little girl when i was walking home today. she was so sweet. hahahaha

korea is just a few days away. snow! and BULGOGIS! and all the fun cold stuff. hahaha

it's just a short few more days.

i don't want to think about it. but i can't help it.

i hope this isn't my last post.

but i thought i saw something.

okay.

but i think i know how to read signs.

i'll miss everyone.

touchwood

yesterday when i was in the taxi on my way back home, i was simply enjoying the night scenery. the number of cars travelling around was quite sparse. the lights felt dim and there were occasional flashes of multi-coloured lights from signboards and ads.

it just felt so serene. so calm. so.. quaint.

and i suddenly thought, it wouldn't be so bad to die then. hahahahaha

yes, i'm quite wierd.

but it just popped into my mind for no reason.

hahahaha

i realized that every wednesday is like harry potter day. well, there aren't going to be many harry potter days from now on so i better enjoy it while it lasts.

i haven't been spending much time with syaf and angela. damnit.

i'm counting down the days and it sucks.

i'm not emoing.

but i'm not prepared either.

i hate goodbyes.

i still can't find a song i can go crazy over.

i still haven't gone to kbox.

i still haven't found a real quiet gym to go to.

i still haven't finish all my tutorials.

i still haven't reach shayne ward's octave. bahahaha

i still haven't submitted my new cca proposal.

i still haven't bought a knitted-wear vest. i want maroon.

i still haven't got a formal vest as well. i may wanna get white.

i still haven't got a new phone.

i have so many still haven'ts. hahahahahaha

i see myself getting increasingly fatter. at the rate i'm growing, in no less than a month, i would be bigger than godzilla. within one year, i would be declared an official invasion called "Operation FATTY". in 10 years, i could feed the population of both india and china combined. in 70 years, my children and grandchildren would mark the return of the Mammoths. someone will make a movie about me. like 2000 bc. except, mine will be 2000 ad. hahahahahaha

i always thought i wanted to be a singer. ah well, movie star woul be fine too. hahahaha

i like white chicks. i can watch it over and over again and find new things to laugh about.

hahahaahaha, what a beautiful chocolate man. hahHAHAHAHA

there's a volkswagen somewhere around my house. i think i just fell in love with it. there's just something so fascinating about the beetle. hahaha. but it's paintjob was wierd.

yeah. hahaha

i want a mini but if i don't get it, then at least it has to be a hedgeback. bahahaha.

i will be able to drive by the end of this year. so next time if i'm running late, i'll borrow mum's car and drive to school. woah. hahahaha.

one of this nights, i'm going to go to a 24 hour mac just for the fun sake of it. bloody cool.

19th of feb will come too soon. and i won't be able to cel cny with my classmates. damnit.

and then again, korea is calling me.

hahahaha

i'll bring back souveniors. and maybe a bottle of snow. but it'll just turn into water anyway. LOL

i'll miss 1708. very much.

i never thought i would like britney spear's songs ever since her boobs grew bigger than a cow's. hahahaha

but piece of me is nice.

it does sound rather provacative with all those wierd noises she makes.

bahahaha

i need to update my playlists. find new songs to listen to. new singers to uncover and new voices to enjoy.

i wish rihanna had yet another album. i'm wishing keri hilson produces her album quickly. i wish timbaland would stop making wierd noises in "apologise". hahaha

RnB has been pretty quiet. pop is still flourishing.

yeah.

i still miss kbox.

my dad behaves like a kid.

i haven't finish all my tutorials.

damnit.

i think happy by natasha bedingfield is so... inspirational.

yes yes

maybe it isn't that bad after all.

i'll keep waiting for my miracle.

and i'll come to terms with what has passed.

i deserve my own happiness too.

miracles happen. [myra]

Miracles happen, miracles happen
You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, miracles happen

I can't imagine living my life without you now
Not ever having you around
We found our way out
(on you I can depend)
Don't have to look back to realize how far we've come
There are million reasons
I'm looking up
I don't want this to end

Nothing
Nothing should ever bring you down
Knowing what goes around will come around

You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe
(miracles happen)
You showed me dreams come to life
That taking a chance on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe

There is no question we found the missing pieces
Our picture is completed
It's fallen into place
(it's fallen into place)
This is our moment, you and I are looking up
Someone is watching over us
Keeping me close
Closer to you everyday

Nowhere
Nowhere on earth I'd rather be
No one can take this away from you and me

You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe
(miracles happen)
You showed me dreams come to life
That taking a chance on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe

When you believe
The soul is a shining light
When you believe
The heart has the will to fight
You can do anything, don't be afraid
We're gonna find our way

You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe
(miracles happen)
You showed me dreams come to life
That taking a chance on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe

nightmares don't start when you sleep but just before you fall asleep.

it comes in waves of terror, of pain, of suffering. one after another, continuous, unending, unstoppable.

it gets so bad the darkness around you becomes your solace. you seek security in that obscure, unclear, pitch black surrounding.

my lord, it still hurts. alot.

make it go away please.

i want to be unfettered from the restraints of my heart. i want to stop using it. i don't want to feel anymore. make me devoid of emotions, cold and unfeeling.

at least that way, i'll never get those feelings of despair again.

i said i wanted to be patrick. but i never wanted to be the fool who hurt himself.

fuck.

i'm sorry.

my lord, i beseech you to make it hurt as a little as possible.

i believe in miracles, just that they don't usually happen to me.

Nothing,
Nothing should ever bring you down.
Knowing what goes around will come around
miracles happen, once in a while.
when you believe.

it's just not me.

i remember all the times when i promised myself i would never get hurt again.

but it's impossible isn't it?

sometimes... i feel that i should just close myself away.

i recall the times when i wanted to enter the asylum.

the times when i just wanted to hide away at home for all eternity.

the times when i went to sleep hoping i never wake up

praying praying praying with all my heart that the lord would just relieve me of everything because i was too cowardly to just die.

so what's new again?

this isn't emo.

it's insanity.

i let you all down.

there's this inquenchable thirst to want to just sing. i need kbox. damnit. the addiction kicks in so sent me into rehab.

i know why i like RnB. it focuses on vocals.

so that's why i'm so desperately in love with rihanna's songs. her voice is just so good.

if only she didn't go for a boob job. hahahaha

anyway, i woke up at 6 on a non-school day. watched 'stay alive'

it's so exciting to start your day with a horror flick. hahahaha. keeps you damn awake.

and i think i don't want to play a game that kills you if you die in the game. cause that would mean i would be dead a bazillion times over. hahahaha.

i want the nintendo WII. the one that allows you to interact with the tv.

well, the men in hell wants iced-water. but it doesn't mean they're going to get it.

i'm wishing i could stop studying and pursue singing as a career.

please?

i think being able to hold short conversations is a skill.

some people have that innate ability to make you feel intimidated. so you will just get the hint and shut up.

no, i'm not talking about real conversations, i'm talking about msn.

lol.

my brother is running around my room. now he's walking all wierd and playing with a beach ball. sometimes he imagines himself as ultraman and he blasts all the evil away. TEHHHHHH... other times he thinks he's power ranger. he grabs his morpher and starts making alot of loud noises. like what those numbskulls on tv do.

i too believe tv can corrupt children.

look at my brother, perfect example.

but i admire his ability to self entertain. you should just see him be transformers. he starts firing his lasers and rockets at the furniture. TSEW, BANG, KABOOM. job done. the world is safe from dust bunnies again. not much of a fight but WOOOO!!! all the same.

i'm a pacifist in case you didn't know.

hahahahahaha

but he's funny. it's like watching a movie that never ends.

but i still think he's cutest when he sleeps.

bahahahahaha

my sister has this cool power. she's like the invisible woman in fantastic four. but she makes people around her disappear instead.

then she pretends you never existed.

.....

my dad has the best internal body clock in the world. because he goes to work accurately at 8 in the morning and comes home at 9.45 everyday. and i mean EVERYDAY, without fail.

my mum is like mystique. she can change herself.. not her shape though. hahahaha. when she needs a favour from you, she is sweeter than chocolate syrup and honey mixed together. but when she's nagging at you, she's smellier than jackfruit and durian combined. i think she could even beat socks. and that's saying something.

so i have a family of superheroes. woah.

hahahahaha.

and there's always me. the reclusive hermit in his room.

lol

i realize my ability to pick up "distress signals" is still with me.

i just felt it.

so yeah. it was quite... a large distress signal.

maybe i can only sense those really big ones.

i won't even talk about it anymore.

my warcraft expansion disc refuses to work.

i need to learn to be more like patrick who never seems to understand the definition of sadness. hahaha. and his idiocy makes him so darn likeable. hahahaha

patrick is my idol.

incidentally, i'm listening to afraid by vanessa hudgens. i am quite afraid.

bye

the pasar malam NEVER extends all the way to my house. so it's a pain in the ass just to get the food and take a walk.

i'm wishing my house wasn't so far from civilisation.

i feel like a caveman. uuggh arrrhhhh ugh

hahahahaha.

never thought i would wonder around aimlessly at orchard.

tomorrow's the release of this's year's Olevel results. good luck to all the 1st intakers in 17.08. i'm sure you will all achieve your desired results and enter a jc of your choice. GOOD LUCK! and god bless.

i've just realized i need to do alot of things.

i need to drown myself in music to escape those crapshit in my life.
i need to stare at the stars to remind myself never to want anything beyond my reach
i need to take a long walk around my house to remember to keep my feet firmly on the ground
i need to stand at a crossroads to remind myself that i never want that feeling of not knowing where to go

i hate to see people upset.

it makes me feel all useless and pathetic.

but what's new anyway.

incidentally, i'm plugging in my ipod to listen to music now.

bye

these few days i keep seeing this blind lady at cck's mrt station. she uses her walking to maneuver her way around.

i find her resolve incredible and her strength, admirable. if only i could be a fraction of what she is. yeah, she may be blind and all but she always seems to keep a smile on her face. it's really simply amazing.

she has every reason to mope and sob over her imperfection yet she's so driven to life and so eager to live.

wow.

and here i am, dwelling on all those past shit that happened.

damnit.

17 took some photos today. they are great.

there seems to be no school on thurs and friday.

nice.

incidentally, i'm listening to vanessa carlton's a thousand miles.

bye

all the tears just keep falling.

and falling.

and falling.

and i forgot to mention. i am the MATH REP.
its like all the bad luck in the world decided to amass above my head and rain continuously over my head.
bah

today wasn't too bad, in fact, it was great. maybe things are always good when they first begin. my time in school now reminds me greatly of the time i had during my jae. the only thing different is me.

so yeah, i realized that changes are inevitable and incredibly drastic. looking back at how i used to be, who would have guessed i would have changed so within a short timespan of a year. i wish i didn't have this barrier that prevents me from opening up to people. but after all that has happened, i know this is the only way to protect myself. i just wish i didn't have to

i miss angela and syaf. yes i do. but i guess they should be enjoying their new class now, i know i am.

physics... was.... mind boggling. and i should have been truthful. sorry mrs something.

i wish the seats in the mrt resembled those on the buses. the cushioning makes a bloody big difference. and the voice for the mrt got an upgrade, hahahaha, no longer that drony irritating sound. hahaha

i think i keep showing off unknowingly. damnit. but i think i better clarify this, i AM NOT rich. so don't go thinking otherwise. the gadgets that i have are all paid over a long period of instalments. so i sincerely apologise if i ever did "show off". i never meant to.

i think i want a backpack style bag now. shit, and i already bought the zinc one. ffffffffff

i saw the knitted wear at raffles city and amkh. i need to get one. yeah.

i don't see bobby and timmy anymore. i wonder if they decided to move elsewhere.

sha shou by lin jun jie is extremely infectious. i need to keep listening to it.

yes, breathless by shayne ward is nice.

hahahahahaha

incidentally, i'm listening to Sha Shou by lin jun jie, AGAIN.

bye

so i've finally changed my blogskin. not exactly what i had in mind but the lizard reminds me of bobby and timmy, my adopted monitor lizards. bahahaha.

and the godzilla reminds me of how ugly i look. bah

i just ate dinner. how the hell am i going to sleep now?

i finished my history and chem tutorial. couldn't do binomial because the first question stumped me. damnit. but i'm bloody proud of my history tutorial cause it's nearly a 1000 words. and it's only an outline. i need to pat myself on the back.

hahahahaha

incidentally, im listening to lin jun jie's sha shou now. freaking great. seriously.

bye


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wanna learn jap. it's absolutely fascinating. lol

so it was down to cheryl and me at orchard since sihui wasn't feeling well. we managed to achieve what we set out for and had lots of fun at the same time. especially with the fortune cookie. but remind me next time never to heed cheryl's directions. hahahahahaha

i hate smokers, i think this is the umpteenth time i'm actually announcing this but seriously everytime one puffs smoke in my face, i get a really strong urge to simply grab the cigarette and stuff it in that place where the sun don't shine. i'll bet from then on that person will surely understand the feeling of involuntary smoking apart from suffering severe constipation. ahahahahaha

so i have three more tutorials to complete apart from the gp one which i can't make heads and tails of. i'm not eating lunch since i bloody stuffed myself silly yesterday.

the weekends really do fly past so quickly.

tomorrow's gonna be a long day with lots of tutorials and lectures. bahh.

it's wierd because i have a million things running through my mind now. i'm reminiscing about the past, thinking about those people i've met in my life. recalling now why i had hesitations about heading to amkh, remembering that i actually hate that place. recalling that i hate that small path near my house and the playground there. recalling that i actually hate my room as well. recalling about all the shit that happened.

damnit. i didn't have to go and remember all that.

but the fact is, i do remember.

and i think i always will.

bah. i hate myself.

so what's new?

'chiisana kiseki tachi ga. boku tachi wo, musubi, awasetanda kitto'
'Olmana manhun saram sogeso nal chajanayo jigum gudeui gyothuro gayo'

i actually woke up at 7 on a saturday morning. lo and behold, my greatest achievement thus far. or it could be the fact that i slept at 11 yesterday? hahahaha

i'm awaiting my chemistry tutor who's coming at 10.30. so i have approximately 2 hours and a half to waste. i could start doing my tutorials but it just wouldn't feel right. right now, i'm wishing there was a hammock in the garden so i could just chill and enjoy that really refreshing morning atmosphere.

if i do get into that morning mood, i probably go cook breakfast for everyone. except there's nothing in the kitchen for me to whip up. i could make prata. hmm.

going out with cheryl and sihui today. an enjoyable prospect. what should i wear today...

today's my sister's birthday. happy 14th birthday! stop behaving like a kid... hahahahaha. the birthday cel will probably be dinner at some place. Pray it's something nice.

its 8.16 now and everyone's still sleeping. i think i'm wierd. hahahaha

incidentally, i am now going to listen to the korean version of One. woooooo

bye

i cannot EMPHASIZE ENOUGH the adoration i have for ONE. its.......

drop dead good.

i rather die than live without the song.

omg.

and all of a sudden i've fallen crazy in love with the korean version of One. i NEED to learn the song NOW.

today was pretty cool. if it wasn't for the fact that my mum had to rush me to babysit my brother. lunch was fun albeit the constant stares, mutters and the long ardous journey there.

train commotion, poor uncle, lots of laughs, poor poor uncle. we really shouldn't have laughed so loud. hahahahaha

i didn't think i would have a friend that resemble squidwort. hahahahaha

i need kbox. BAD. it's like a freaking addiction that keeps haunting you, beckoning and calling. it's kind of creepy yet so bloody exhilarating. i want that microphone in my hand and i need to sing. i think i shall call it 'obsessive singing disorder'. cool.

no one believes me when i said that bobby and timmy lives at the canals outside our school. yes bobby and timmy, i give you permission to bite those who do not believe in you. and those irrelevant imaginary friends like xiaoming and tom and whosays whatsits can just VANISH. BYEBYE

hahahahaha

no torrential rain today. only the glaring sun coupled with unrelentless heat. i swear if i was an ice cube, i wouldn't melt, i would sublime. woah, chemistry joke. fcuk, im turning into a dork.

hahahahaha

incidentally, i'm hunting for the korean version of One. I NEED TO SING.

bye

I GOT MY TORRENTIAL RAIN!

hahahahaha

i solemnly swear that today is one of the worst day in 2008 so far.

when i was praying and wishing for there to be no PE today, it had to be the very first lesson. BAH

and i had to hear such disconcerting and terrible news from angela. BAH

for the rest of the year, i shall spend many hours hearing about the human bean. yes, it's not the soya bean or broad bean.. it's the human bean. BAH

i realize the true reason for my horrendous looks. it's because i suck at math and i simply can't show the Golden Rule. BAH

ade asked if i was free and i was stuck in the chemistry lab figuring out what the hell is a formula unit.. BAH

the train i was taking terminated at yishun. BAH

and i just found out that someone put my status as CLASS LEADER on my roles' page. BAH

that's 7 things to bah about in just one day.

hahahahaha.

life sucks.

incidentally, i am listening to dbsk's love in the ice. because it's simply great.

my internet decides to work at this ungodly hour. ah well, my sis deserves the credit because settling this internet stuff really puts the "lei" in "leichei" hahahaha.

i didn't like today because i had this incessant pain in my head. i was pissed. and still am because the painkiller's going to wear off.

i don't like tomorrow because it ends one hell of a late and there's PE in the morning. shitty.

i watched American Idol today and i think it's turned into more of a comedy than a singing competition. seriously, auditioning in princess leia's outfit. wth. but it was funny anyway. hahahaha

i didn't do any homework today. i feel bloody fat again. and there hasn't been any torrential rain. BAH.

more quotes from my table calendar
"to understand everything is to forgive everything"

man, don't i sound wise or what.

i forgive you ben, for being ugly, i forgive you mirror for reflecting the ugly me.

i still don't understand why i'm ugly.

hahahahahaha.

incidentally, it's too late to be playing any music now.

bye

"Love is Beautiful"

so... simply.. marvelous.

ahhhh...

hahahahaha.

i didn't get to see bobby or timmy today. maybe like angela suggested, they went into hibernation. i miss them. lol

so today there was meet the PD tutor session. 17's pretty cool. different from 37 but i think it's going to be great nonetheless. mrs ong is my new PD tutor. erm. hahaha. i think she's nice.

i ate alot today so i feel like the hugest person in the world. bah

i need to shit.

i hate long train rides.

i hate being ugly.

i want it to rain somemore. i want TORRENTIAL rain with thunder and lightning and claps and booms. it's so... invigorating. i don't like light drizzles because it reminds me of pee. hahahahaha

bye

incidentally i am not listening to anything now, but i will be.

i do not like the period spanning from 6.30 to 9. doesn't the sun setting make you so darn irritated? and you either fall into spells or emotional torrent or slip into slips of absolute disgust. woe betide who dares disturb thee.

i do not like taking dinner after 9. it makes me fat.

i do not like that bloody ad on tv which keeps promoting the Sauna Solution belt. because it's bloody tempting how you can lose one inch on your waist in just 15 mins. of course at a price of 170 dollars. i don't print money in case you didn't know. chop chop chop

i do not like how my window faces another window. there's no wind and there's people who will stare when you dig your nose and scratch your butt. what's the point of hiding at home when you are not at the liberty to perform these acts of erm.. personal care

i do not like my bed cause there's a wierd guy on it and he's always staring at me with that wierd look in his eyes. i can't wait till my maid changes my bedsheet. stop thinking sick stuff people. for crying out loud, what's wrong with people these days. hahahahahahahaha

i do not like the fact that money doesn't grow on trees. maybe it's suppose to be an underground stem or root like sweet potatoes and carrots. well, the next time i find a million dollars in the carrot i'm eating, i'll let ya'll know.

i do not like those spherical yellowish/reddish objects that grows on people. i officially declare that pimples are criminal. you are guilty if you are found harbouring these convicts. AHHHHH i plead guilty!! send me to jail!!

hahahahahaha, what the hell am i doing? but it's fun anyway spamming nonsense and crap. and it sounds bloody HIMBO(yes there is such a word. i invented it. i should know.).

incidentally, i'm listening to christina aguilera's Infatuation. why? i have absolutely no idea.

bye...

---------------------------------------------------------------------
This Certificate is to Officially Recognize the following owners



Angela, Benjamin and Syafiqah


are proud owners of


Bobby and Family,


a family of montor lizards.

------------------------------------------------------------------

hahaha, yeah, we recently adopted a family of monitor lizards. they are currently taking residence in the canals just outside of Anderson JC. they are really cute and sweet so have a look at them when you're free. hahahaha

today was the first time i got in my PDG and it is seriously a big class.

in some ways, i guess i'll miss 37. there's just a nostalgic feeling and i start recalling all that has happened in the course of 2007. there were definitely things that i am more than glad have past but there are things that i will miss too and people i will not forget anytime soon. hahahaha, this is stupid. but i like stupid anyway.

there's very little work now so i better take this chance to rest up for the long year ahead.

anyway,

"start every day with an inspiring thought"

another quote from my table calendar. well guess what, the most inspiring thought that i get in the morning is going back to sleep. stupid quote.

but i sound wise don't i? hahahaha.

oh yeah, some idiot has the same shoe as me. bloody hell. and there i was thinking my shoe is simply special and unique. BAH.

hahahahaha.

here's a really sappy and corny comment i took out from my table calendar. hahaha.

"serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm"

don't i just sound wise.

hahahahahaha.

right, today marks the beginning of an entirely new subject. hey chemistry, please be good friends with me. but yeah, intimidating though it is, i actually feel comforted that i'm back with my formulae and moles and compounds. it's like getting in touch with these really old friends although i think i've nearly forgotten all of them. hahaha.

anyway, i think i wanna thank my principal and vice-principals. i always thought that principals had this air around them, that feeling of superiority. surprisingly, aj's principals don't, in fact they are kind, warm and extremely helpful. they really rock man. so here's a real sincere thank you for helping me and bearing with all my nonsense. hahaha.

im putting on alot of weight. SHIT.

well anyway, im really glad things are improving between me and my mum. but im quite sure damage has been done, on both sides and the relationship may be altered irrevocably. but regardless, i still love you mum, but maybe we just won't be as close as before.

my lord, isn't that really sad? but im glad that through all these times, you have been there every step of the way to help me. i really wouldn't know what i would do without you.

i want to go for chemistry tuition but i don't think i can afford it.

memories fade, they come and go but sooner or later they will fade away. i will miss those times in which i spent with the people i loved. bye 37/08, i wish you all the best in your A levels. take care...

one year can really change a person so much.

yup. well let's hope that this year, it will be a change for the better. :)

these past 4 days have been one of the most traumatising period of my life. talk about fights with mums and promotional statuses, seriously it's killing me.

so i've got this ringing pain in my head now. ow.

my hair's in a mess and i have neither the energy nor time to go fix it. shit it, how ugly do i want to be anyway.

i'm talking much less at home now, sooner or later that nasty breath is gonna catch up on me. shit.

i miss shopping on sunday. damnit.

it's another week till the weekends come.

ah well, i'm trying to be as positive as can be. let me recollect all the happy stuff that happened.

i found a great song by Leona Lewis. damn good.

i have my laptop for company. lol

i watched alot of movies over the weekend. fun.

yup. happy stuff. yeah. happy.....

hahahahahahaha.

seriously.... sad-ed.

bye