okay so i realised sometimes i act like a total snob and brat. seriously, i am very disgusted with myself, and i only realise everything i say comes out wrong after ive said it, ok that was kind of a "DUH" statement.

im sorry carine, jeremy and kell. since you guys bore the full brunt of my insaniacal nonsense and bullshit.

really sorry.

its terrifying.

its really terrifying.

i should be mugging like mad now, scratching my head and feeling absolutely frustrated. but im not.

god knows.

i feel sick going back to school. i hate waking up at 6 in the morning rushing for that damn packed train. and it doesnt help that the school is so far. and i hate that long journey back home.

im feeling mad at everything now and in a really foul mood.

god knows.

i want time to crawl and pass so slowly that every minute seems like an hour. i hate time for moving so fast.

i miss my friends.

im so angry.















its bloody loser but i feel like crying.

and i have completely no idea why.

but

god knows.

do you know when you go and you give it all away, i'll be there for you, care for you, love you everyday, oh babe, and would you do the same for me.

anyday you're away and i feel a little low i'll cry for you die for you just to let you know oh babe, and if you come to me you know i'll make it right.

hahaha, damn sweet.

it's that kind of song which trigger a bittersweet feeling within you. and it's a perfect for the end of a school hol. cause you know its the freaking exams but the thought of everyday school life with your friends sorts of excites you.

i need to be studying now....

haha

kns.

haha what a great way to start a post.

but right now, in spite of the exams being barely a week away and that if i take the exams now i would probably fail so bad, the rocks gonna cry, im still looking at online merchandise.

and i reiterate. KNS

i mean seriously, what kind of online shopping does singapore provide for men anyway. NADA. argghh. after looking at macys i hardly think any other source of online goods are viable to me. only pity, i dont think they ship stuff to singapore. but i totally dig their stuff. urgh.

SO YES. KNS.

and i wish. i had a MILLION dollars. hahaha, it's totally unline me to be wishing for money, but hey, my closet is so deprived i might be charged for cruelty to wardrobes. and i bet the fashion police wouldnt spare me either.

ahhhh.

i want that vintage terry hoodie. and that bahama boat shoe. and that sperry striper laceless. and that roar protector blazer, the levi's 511 slim-leg jean, ecko's inside out shirts, mehndi hoodie, plaid shorts and and and and and. ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH.

haha. and most of them are ranged $20-50!

&*^@!#*^*&$%^$^$(!%$!$%@(*!)*)*!f#(!&%!T*&!#!(#!#!)#!%#^@^#!%#%^!#^%#$*u!$&!*^!#^%!^#&!^#&%*$^c&*(!$*!($*_!)*$)(!&($^!&%$&!$#%!^@$!^%k#$!%^#^%!$!T$*&^$^!$*)&!)l&$(!*&)!&#)^!(*#^(a*!%$*&%$*&!*&$_&$)*^!$*hT^!$)&!$_(!&_(&$)*!^$!$&_(&$_(!&$(!&$_(&$_!&$(&!%#^!$%#%^!#%!$^!&*$^*(&$)!&$&!)$(&!$)^!$(*^!&$%*!&%$


im done grousing now.

its the holidays after all which means you dont have to spend your time mugging away in the library and worry which teacher is going to chase you for homework next.

so yeah i guess the holidays have always been pockets of time that happens 4 times a year in which i began to mull over more and more past events, recollecting, reminiscing. or what people still refer to as "emo". hahaha okay okay, i admit, im "emo". it cant be helped since its a combination of nature and angsty hormones coupled with a inappropriate usage of time, giving rise to a majorly depressed suicidal crisis.

okay, maybe it's a hyperbole. but if i were to use the words happy and fabulously estatic to describe my feelings now would be horribly inaccurate.

it could be due to a lack of kbox?

hahaha.

but since im on a serious note here. (note serious face :|) hahaha i sidetrack. you know how some symbolic items tell stories of people lives? well i have them too. and mine are songs. my songs, no not literally my songs, i mean the songs in my itunes library. shit im talking to myself. lol. anyway, yeah, the songs in my itunes library are symbolic of certain life events.

like, the christian songs by hillsongs. they tell me the story of my sec 3 life. and that person

and then there's like DANG NI, Too Little Too Late, MU NAI YI(haha)... and a few other significant ones which tell the story of another part of my sec 3 life. and that person. and that person.

and then there was the samantha mumba age of Never Meant To Be during 2007. wah this one. hahaha. BIG HUGE STORY of my life. and that person.

and then there's recent one like Breathless. okay maybe this one wasnt as tragic as the others were. but sad nonetheless. that person?

hahaha.

i dont mean to say my life are purely filled with tragic events lah. but these are the most ermm memorable? hahahaha. sad things are easy to remember anyway.

okay. i think im through "emoing" now.

it's so easy to slip into these lapses. but

i guess i just keep hoping still.

im getting increasingly disturbed by my recent dreams. and there's not one time in which i sleep without dreaming. i even dream during a short half an hour shut-eye. and the wierd thing is that the dreams are strangely real and nightmarish at the same time. and i keep seeing similar things in the real world.

it isnt exactly deja vu if it happens so many times is it? and its so identical it really freaks me out.

and i remember what happens in the dreams when i wake up.

like as if my dreams are prophetic. like as if its going to happen.

i keep dreaming about things i ponder over as well. like when i was watching some anime, it manifested in my dream, when i was thinking about the hols, it made me dream about the hols ending, after iplayed some computer game, it appeared in my dream as well.

and i still get intermittent headaches since 'then'.


arghhhh... im getting super freaked out. and scared.

i keep feeling something or someone constantly around me. like a shadow.

i have no idea what's happening but i dont feel one bit comfortable about it

i was reminded of you.
and it just came flooding back
and it floods
and floods
and floods.

and as the nightmares haunts me
sunrise becomes an omen
a dreamless sleep is rest