have you ever tried sleeping more just for the hope of getting a dream you had once?

trust me, never works.

nearly blew my brain up thinking of plans. ):
and they all seem pretty lame. ):

the idea of having no internet at home is ludicrous yet i find myself suffering in this one hell of a predicament. now im stuck venting my anger everytime by giving the singtel fella a many pieces of my mind because one is definitely not enough. and the funny thing is he calls back when he knows he hasnt done anything to help the situation.

life is awful now. (not remotely because i have to plug a cable into my computer and use the SCV digital set top box for the internet which is very inconvenient and uncomfortable to say the least)

i have alot of things on my mind that i wish i can share but i cant. no, not because i cant trust friends or i dont want to. actually i really want to, but i cant. well, now i know the years of suffering alone in silence has its benefits.

really miss hanging out with my friends, esp those im particularly close to. but work is making that very hard. after spending around half a day in office, i just feel too shagged to do anything else. ): at least work isnt so tough now, i actually have a lot of free time in office but being the workaholic, i have to grab other ppls' work to do. hahahaha. so funny. i nv thought myself as hardworking. work and sch is really 2 very different things.

that day while bathing, okok, i think alot in the shower, because i take really long ones and get out only when my skin gets wrinkled. lol. okok, i digress. ya, that day while bathing i thought i was going to blog one whole bunch of stuff but now that i get down to doing it, my mind's in a blank. this happens to me alot actually. hahaha

anw i rmb smth funny

that day on the way home kenneth was saying,

Ken: i jie fu ji ping (means steal from the rich and give to the poor), like Peter Pan.
Myself: huh, like Peter Pan? You mean Robin Hood isz? Peter Pan is just fly around only leh.
Ken: eh ya ar, laokui ar.

uber funny.

okay, nth else to say alr. my grandma is staying with us now and she's so cute and funny. she keeps repeating the same things to me. think she abit kuku alr. HAHAHA but i love having her around. (((:

IS THIS THE END OF THE LINE?

i think the only good thing that came out of work so far is my ability to type faster without looking at the keyboard. and considering how they say ns is a freaking waste of time (i agree), it is something, i guess.

so much for self comfort.

everyone's moving on. some of them are going to Us to study, some are doing NS in some remote part of the island and some are retaking As. the buffer period, or the period of transition from aft As is finally over and its time for people to lead new lives.

am i afraid? afraid of losing touch with them? afraid that they will forget me? or afraid that they get better friends and leave me behind? yes, i am. i am very afraid indeed. not forgetting i have self esteem and paranoia issues which rly doesnt help my case.

but when it comes down to it, do i want my friends around simply to fulfil my needs or do i want them around because i love them and their company? i dont know. being a very selfish person, i really cant tell. the only thing i am sure of is the sadness i feel. sad because i think back and i know things will never be the same again. but did i cherish it when i had it? i think i did, because i look back and i rmb how happy and thankful i was for having these awesome group of friends. esp a special few who always made it better than best.

shit. this is some emo stuff. hahaha.

Will we be friends when we grow
old? is this the end of the line?

I hurt with you I love with you
the world just seems to get
in our way
Is this the end of the line?

Oh please don't leave me
Don't let your heart let go
We'll find a way
The journey has only begun
Is this the end of the line?
Oh yeah, oh
Is this the end of the line?
If you leave I'll follow
don't let your heart let go
We'll find a way
the journey has only begun
Is this the end of the line?
Is this the end of the line?

what a perfect song to match my mood.

these few days i have been telling myself; dont think so much and dont worry so much about the future. come what may. the Lord has his plan for you and everything happens to complete your life's journey. things that are meant to be will always be and on the contrary, things that are not suppose to happen will never happen.

it helps. for a while or when im caught up in work with nearly no time to think about anything else. but when im on my bed, lying down, doing nothing, i cant help but think about all my friends seem to grow more and more distant.

):

there is no help for it. life will throw all kinds of things in your way. nice things, pleasant things, happy things, delicious things and sad things, horrible things, frightening things. and good or bad, you can only suck it in.

so right now im going to suck it in and deal with it. if life has to be shit, it will be. but one day, it will get better again. im sure it will

i feel tired all the time and i have no freaking idea why. i get it if its a weekday and work is horrible. but i feel tired even on sundays. ):

and i realize im shifting in less than 2 weeks. ive never actually took time to appreciate and cherish my time here and now i wont ever get the chance to. and thinking about the 2 hours journey tru and fro from work is smth i really dread.

and driving lessons as well. how horrible is that.

i guess there are perks. like being closer to alot of the usuals. meeting up with them for random outings is smth i am looking forward to. but leaving erika and ken behind is kinda sad too. which reminds me! i havent collected my alvl's cert. shit. erika when are you free???

had a lovely day out with ff and pam. but im so afraid that these will soon be things of the past. ):

anyhow, ff, you lousy pok, with no comment or tag section. if anything, you can always depend on your friends ok. its the one thing you dont have to worry about losing. anytime ure feeling down or confused or even pissed just call ok?









i feel like i have so many things on my mind yet when i try and sort them out, it feels like nth at all.

THE LITTLE VOICE

always heed that voice inside you no matter how painful it is because it is God.

how does it sound if i devote everything into your hands, my dearest beloved Lord. because im tired of running mine. if i tell you that i lay my life before you and told you to do whatever you want with it, would you do it? dont let me do it, i'll do it all wrong.

every bit of pain and suffering i have to go through will be my way of making up for those that i cause you.

im not having a random bout of sadness. i just realised how much ive forsaken the only one who loves me most. it doesnt make sense to keep fighting someone who only wants the best for you right?

as a sidenote, Lord, take me to church.

i cant wait to meet up with all my dear friends. miss them very much.

i wont go down with this ship

i wont put my hands up and surrender.
there will be no white flag above my door.

because i have things worth fighting for.

sometimes when times are bleak and things seem awful. your friends make all the difference. from their subtle actions, to their outright support.

when you're caught in doubt and pessimism, drowning in cynicism and skepticism, thinking you're alone in this huge world. it will be small things your friends do which make all the difference.

i feel bad because i dont always do that for my friends. but there are those who remind me that i'd always have a friend in them. and i think thats precisely why i always take them for granted.

so good Lord, dearest Father whose constant presence i always neglect, remind me to always cherish and appreciate those things you and those who love me, give to me. and remind me to always return their love because they are those who deserve to be loved.

but those who go all out to ruin my day. i hope you step on dogshit tmr.

i need to go shop. but i realize now's a really bad time cause im so fat. ):

MY COLLEAGUE IS AN ASS-O

it gets me thinking everytime someone takes for granted that i am weak and soft. im not good natured unlike what many people believe. i dont think i am. if i were, i wouldnt be seething mad everytime someone upsets me, i would just brush it off and forgive the person for being in a bad mood.

so no, im not good natured.

but i am weak. very. not weak in the sense that my bones will fall apart when the wind blows in my face. lol. thats cui. which i am too but we're not discussing that here. but more like i have no backbone you know. yesyes, spineless. thats a good word. i mean whats so difficult about standing up for yourself. telling that person that he's simply a sorry, f'ed up excuse for a human and would be better off rotting in a pit where all the scums in life congregate so my life can be a lot better unpleasant aloof unfriendly chap who makes my life very difficult. very difficult meh?

but no leh, all i ever do is look like some loser who you can pushover and vent frustrations on.

i admit i dont lose my temper easily. at least not with people without my family. but it doesnt mean i dont have one. i just dont think shouting and turning violent solves anything.

you're in trouble now and i feel lousy about it. if i could put up with you and tahan then you probably wouldnt be getting into this shit. but because i cant fanthom working with you for 8 more mths i have to get a transfer. but because u've been doing this to everyone, people now want you transferred. its not for me to say if u deserve this, but if anything, you should have saw this coming.

miss going out with everyone. ): and thinking about gg to work tmr and seeing him again. i feel super rotten and sick.

do this. do that.
what am i? your dog?

sometimes it seems like the world knows i have a f'ed up issue about guilt and giving in. its like everyone knows that im easily taken advantage of and easy to bully into doing things.

that is a problem.

i need to fight for my own rights and what i want. why should i always be the one giving in just because i care about what you feel? it is not my problem that ure unhappy you know. deal with it la. why should i be the one having to deal with you inept excesses. you're weak? its your own freaking problem.

you want a freaking dog that requires me to sacrifice 3 mths of my weekend?
i dont think so.
you want me to help out with the house when i already work 6 days a week?
no.

all you guys ever do is proclaim how much u've done, how tired you are, how much effort you put in, blah blah blah. seriously, find someone who cares. because im sick and tired of you guys doing it to me.

i have a job. and it involves getting stressed and doing alot of work. but i do it because im expected to. im the eldest in the family and therefore that means taking on more burden and responsibilities in the family. fine. i accept that because i have to. because it is MY JOB.

so if its your job to worry about finances, your job to make sure the house turns out right, your job to worry about the well being of the family, you jolly well freaking do it because its YOUR JOB! if you cant deal with it, then you better reflect and think twice before biting off more than you can chew. and thereafter expecting the entire world to understand, to emphatize and to help. because if ure naive enough to think that by doing your job everyone is indebted to you, you better get a reality check.

i have a family and i love it.
but you know. when your own family takes adv of your good nature, its probably one of those times you hate it you wna smack everyones' head off.

im boiling now. and i know that in the end, i'll get over it.

but right now i need to vent and before i scream into your face i better do it into a blog. cool off, chill and think things over.

God, you need to help me with my anger management pls before i explode one day and yell at my parents to f off. and i really dont want to do that.

i think the reason why im so angry is partly because i know im at fault too but im simply too proud and too stubborn to admit it.

see, i knew i'd always give in. its just me.

now i feel like crying. wtf.

yay~ im not poor anymore

omg thats damn retarded. but i'll do it again

yay~ im not poor anymore

HAHAHAHA

yay, i have 4 figures in my bank accnt again.

yay dont have to be miserly anymore.

oh no, im gg to splurge on bdays again.

HAHAHAHA

i think im very impressionable. lol. i dont think i even know what that really means but nvm.

lol, i always see people alone at starbucks typing into their laptops looking pensieve and deep in thought. and i wonder why is it i cant do the same. maybe because its my negative self esteem again. because if u look cui and lousy, you'll look like a loner who's abandoned by all aspects of society -an outcast.

sucks right, to be so affected by what other people think of me. if people really like me, i could sport the funkiest hairstye in the world, put on a halloween mask and a monobrow, and they wouldnt run away.

at least, i think so la.

i wish i had many many money. LOL. many many because contrary to popular belief, money is quantifiable and countable as well. LOL. trust me i would know. and if i did, i would just book that chalet everyone's been asking me about instead of worrying if i alr spent over my budget. but because im such a miser i refuse to do anything about it and i think the chalet's alr booked.

come monday(payday), if there's still a booking, i'll book it then.
plsplsplspls say have.

who works on sats!? saturdays are suppose to be off days for everyone except the mad, the insane and the very unlucky. and im the very unlucky one. ):

i cant even describe what my job entails because im bound under a secrecy act. i cant even tell u how many times i secretly farted in the office just to express my displeasure.

ok no, im kidding. i didnt do that, its disgusting. LOL

and im so sad because i cant meet up with anyone this week and next because im so fking poor its funny (usually people say its not funny, well im so poor it is) so the next time u see me you can just go ahead and pt at me and laugh out loud because im so penniless. ):

but i need to save up anyway and i need to help with shifting alr. so i guess it all fits in just fine.

the only gd thing about work is i get to wear my own clothes there. and ive got an awesome ttm supervisor.

shopping with family this wkend!! OH MAN. awesomest.

oops, almost missed today's post.

i have bad news, for myself. lol. it seems like im gg to spend the next two years being miserably unahppily busy. while people get 5 days work week, i get 6. and while people sit around playing psp i sit around doing alot of work.

its really funny because i dont think ive ever put in so much effort for anything before. but i always knew i had okay work ethics and habits but i dont understand why it doesnt apply in studies.

or in anything else for that matter.

it starts tmr. and it happened so fast i didnt even know how to react. one moment im in a corner scribbling and spamming the calculator and the next thing i know im in a room with 4 people spamming me with all their comments and questions.

but im quite affected by the fact that they simply make whatever decisions they like without even asking me. and its so funny that my ns side is trying to rescue me by pulling me out and the 'i' side thinks they are saving me by keeping me thr.

and no one had the courtesy to ask where i wna go.

i mean even a servant has some rights, no? ok no.

really dreading tmr. its going to be tough i can tell. rly.

spent the day with yiz out yest. short yet sweet, like always. but i feel like we dont talk so much anymore. hor?

but who cares, enjoyed it, so thats all that matters.

i know now very well what sort of person i am. im the sort of person who craves approval from people. that sounds kinda desperate and pathetic doesnt it? it makes me feel like i have no mind of my own and im so un-independant. lol dependant just doesnt sounds right.

but thats just the way i am, i think. i think a large part comes from having very low self esteem. i just dont feel good enough about myself to ascertain my own place in this world. problematic? very. but im glad i have a few very good friends who will bother. yet its this that makes me feel insecure.

so i guess thats what i all comes down to right. insecurity. which apparently isnt only an issue in relationships but in friendships as well. which im quite sick of because i realize alot of things i mull over are actually quite non existent at all.

like i said, its just about how much u enjoy being with them. as long as u can enjoy one anothers company, thats all that matters. friends wont always be thr when u need them, lets be real, who is? in the end all we want is someone to satisfy our own needs right?

selfish bastards we are. LOL but who isnt.

but there are people who try. so these people are those we keep. those we trust, we love, we like, we prefer and sometimes get annoyed at(keep it real la. lol).
do i have these friends? not many but enough to keep me gg and enough for me to want to try and be there for them as well.

i typed this drawing inspiration from yz's post. lol.

anw, no work today, mood increased to maximum. awesomest.

note to self: forget the nitty grities. just enjoy life

yes, i do think too much indeed. think too much about things that are absolutely unneccessary. good friends, bad friends, in the end it all just comes down to how much u enjoy being with them. what makes good or bad its hard to say, but happy or not is easy enough. so why think so much right?

ok, back to my grousing. I HATE WORK!!!! really hate it. but i feel too sian and disgusted to try and type out whatever isnt going right. if only i slacked the way i did in sch at work. then i probably wouldnt have so much probs.

oh shit forgot to book kbox.

i feel some poor shit now. cui poor fat shit who cmi. i need to exercise, get a tan, save up and sing more kbox. LOL.

and did i tell u about my pet fighting fish. its so cute it swims towards me when i go near it. freakishly awesome. gonna give it worms. HAHA

somehow what i always type doesnt go the way i intended. but this seems fine. i feel sleepy.

work is tired like fuck today. and im sorry because i know thats all i ever talk about here. but its the only place where i can give vent to all my pent up frustrations inside me. its like the moment i step into the office i dont even have time to think. just work work work work work work work

really fking tired.

and its doesnt help that the weekend was not rejuvenating at all. i usually use the weekends to power up my batteries. but now all i feel like is the nua jelly i told yizhen about. not only nua. i feel sick. i get weird aches everywhere, esp stomach and head. sometimes chest also leh.

):

i rly rly rly wna have a long break.
God God God, pls pls pls.

wed kbox. <3

wah i dont like my angsty posts. lol. i have no idea what spurred me to type the post i did today. but since i alr did, im just gg to leave it there. haha

i think blogs can be very misleading things. because it only expresses frame of mind the blogger was in. and readers can totally take it out of context. which is a problem i always have. hahaha, hint hint yz, i thought some of your posts were about me.

anw, i feel damn sian. i hate work very much. ):

and i ate 2 bbqs two days consecutively. my throat is gg to be shit tmr. and i like to mix coke with beer. damn nice.
shit, all my tastes are changing. and know what i miss most now, staying over with the laokuis and laughing till our stomach hurts with carine's uberrandomness and erika exaggeratedexpressions.

i cant wait for kbox with yz and car this wed. its gg to be awesomemest. and sorry yiz, i tmr got driving cause i thought of catching dinner wif u or smth. ):

is it normal if sometimes i feel lonely as hell?

trust me when i say i love my friends. because i honest to goodness, really really do love them like many many times over. and ive always said this, they are like my extended family.

but like all families, there are always problems. there will always be times when we are unhappy with one another, things that we dont like about one another and even times when we dislike one another.

times like yesterday. honestly i am upset with the fact that i had to single handedly prepare 12 person's share of food. i had to shop for it alone, find a way to bring it back alone and season the food alone. not only that, i had to pay for everything including his presents. my 4 digit bank account has drastically dropped to a low 3 figure over a period of 2 weeks. also staying one of the furthest, carrying the food around has been no joke as well. and i know its my fault i didnt book the pit but when you have so many on your to-do list, one of them is bound to slip somehow.

and its ok, those of you who are reading this, are the few that have always tried to make my life better and ensure that im not being ... too available. lol, for lack of a better phrase. and i truly undst that some of you have financial difficulties so its rly ok to just kiv it. but when you do feel like you can then just hand me the money. because its not so big an issue for me. its only because of the fact that i think i have already 'given' out 300 or more when it comes to cels and outings. and its starting to feel a little weary.

but there are those who sometimes i feel, completely oblivious to all these. to them its just, i'll sit back and enjoy the fruits of someone else's labour. just wait to be served, do whatever hell i like as long as im happy, u're unhappy? i dno or i just dont care.

yes, there are always times like this.

i dno whether to blame it on my poor planning skills, my inability to just hold it all in and just tahan or simply im a selfish ass who likes my effort to at least be appreciated.

but after all that's said and done, 2 mths later when my bank accnt is more full and im not tired as hell, im gg to do the same thing again. why? because i just love my friends because i like them to enjoy without exerting themselves, because i like it when they are out having fun, celebrating bdays, meeting up etc etc. its all worth it to see the smiles on their faces what.

then what am i complaining about now?

i know. because not everyone bothers to make an effort to at least appreciate.

which bothers me as hell.

anw thank you all who did, because its you people who im really willing to work for. <3

anw i must say this, my family, is the AWESOMEST. becaue no other parents will go to jp at 12am to help ferry their son home because he's carrying so many things his arms are gg to fall off. and no dad will help you cut the beef because he sees you struggling to finish seasoning the food. and no mum will come into the kitchen and give you advice on how to make the smelly beef less smelly and more tasty. so i love them ttm. LIKE REALLY TTM.

also. stayover at carine's has been the awesomest. ive been spending alot of time with the two of them and its been one hell of a wonderful experience. laughing until our stomach aches and camwhoring until we sweat. LOL cant wait for another similar experience. sucks that yizhen wasnt there. nvm, chalet soon ok! but i wont book anything until i get the money. lol

i think i forget things easily or maybe its like i get easily distracted.

haha, but things that always has to do with the the heart usually fades away aft a good nights sleep. and once im caught up in other things they dont dominate my mind anymore. but everynight b4 i slp, i always get caught up in a dozen emotions, feeling like some schizofreak. haaahaa.

does that mean i accord very little to things because i forget them so easily? but if its so, then why is it everytime i think about things like that i feel sharp stabs in my heart. okok dont laugh at my corniness la.

i think im really a good pretender la. i can pretend everythings okay when im occupied with smth else. which is good i guess but it sometimes make me seem like im callous and careless. lol which i dont think i am. -ish. HAHA

yay running this sat. i put on weight cause i measured myself today. eech.

life is very funny. you usually dont get what u want. like how i want As for all my results and as low as can be for weight. but i usually get good grades for weight and horrendous grades for exams. LOL. if i can exchange the 2 ar, i'll be uber happy.

God always answers. ALWAYS. even in ways you dont expect nor want.
but i dont need him to give me what i want. just knowing he's there is enough for me.
i say that leh but i think i still secretly wish for things from God dearest. lol. what a hypocrite. okok. i change my mind. MY LORD PLS GRANT ALL MY WISHES!! PLS~!

hahaha quite funny. i keep typing aft twelve on the day itself. so it isnt today alr, its tmr. okok, nono, this 12 am thing makes me uber confused about the today and tmr thing. HAHA

today some friend was calculating some fate thing. and all he did was made the whole idea of ever ending up with someone you like remotely impossible. hahaha isnt that sad? i think i might just end up left on the shelf. and i admit, it is kinda sad to see people around getting paired up.

weird. i nv worried about such things. i guess age's really catching up on me. LOL!

no work today. so it was rly great. i miss those stress free lives whr i just laze every single moment of my life away.

but considering the predicament of others. i guess i should be infinitely thankful. which i am.

so thank you very much dearest Lord. i love you very much. WooHOO

the blood pressure machine attached to me is gaowei ttm. seriously. and the funny thing is that its suppose to be taking my blood pressure every 15 mins or so but all its been doing so far is squeezing my arm real painful and showing ----- for a reading.

which means,

i probably messed around with it too much that its not working anymore.

and that means,

i probably need to wear it an entire day again. ):

it feels good to be able to slack like this. work can rly get you down. every. single. day. so im going to to seize this oppurtunity to nua into some gooey jelly thing and you have to scoop me off from where ever i last nua-ed at. LOL

1 more mth at home and i wont be seeing it anymore. im really going to miss this place. and i dont know how im gg to fit in one final house bbq here b4 heading over to yck.

):

but im looking forward to seeing the red liners there but sad that i'll be leaving erika and kenneth.

i sound like im going overseas. LOL
which sounds really good actually.
time to plan an overseas trip and find people to go with.

GOD = HEARTS ttm

i think the wisest thing to do is to never do anything in the heat of a moment. sometimes u need to type your post 2 times b4 its 'postable'. like me. hahaha~

i should spend my time doing more meaningful things instead of thinking about things that are without my control.

people always say its all about perspective. if u ask me, i think its about choice.

its not whether you see the glass as half full of half empty. but whether you are going to enjoy drinking whatever's in the glass. you can choose to put zesty lemonade in the glass or u can pee in it.

a half glass of pee isnt nice half empty or full.

and a glass of chilled sweetened lemonade is gg to taste good whether half full of half empty.

right?

i think we create our own happiness. so im gg to create some for myself and the rest for those i love to share. (:

dont you agree dear Lord?

why is it i allow you to hurt me once and time again?

but no more. it wont happen again. because i deserve better.
and even if i dont, i dont deserve to be at the mercy of you.

you make me sad and infuriated all at the same time. underappreciated and forgotten to say the least.

it is a mistake but i'll hold on for this one last time and then i'll let go.

lousy singtel, the mio line whole life cmi ttm. every now and then must shut down and go on holiday. hahaha. and i was suppose to blog like everyday and i missed my chance alr.

wa, but ive got a dozen things to blog about, okay maybe not so much but really got alot of things to talk about.

first of all, i must say i love Mr Darcy ttm. LOL. he's the best. everytime i go out i take like a hundred plus photos. i am a total camwhore. LOL. and its awesome to have people who are willing to put up with my photo taking spree.

didnt kbox with erika on friday in the end. which turns out to be a blessing in dissuise. we had damn hell alot of fun. like going to the arcade and not spending a single cent and totally using their machines to take all sort of creative shots. HAHAHAHA. damn cheapskate pls, so cheapskate until the arcade woman starting flapping around like a bat and chasing us out. HAHA! damn funny. and aft that we went to buy some damn cool anklets for the laokuis which was suppose to be 8 bucks but the gong cashier charged us only 4. wa, we totally tou xiao and dashed out the shop. we damn scared the cashier come chasing us asking for her 4 bucks. LOL! and we went to starbucks last and rmbed we had a free drink voucher from last time. used one(cause the other reserved for yizhen, loll) and sat down, camwhore smore and talked alot.

the day was sweet and sugar ttm. loved it

and met up with erika again on sun! hahaha, and we went to the expo sale that i heard about over the radio. wah it sucked. lol. the things damn old, like dinosaur old. i swear can auction to museum. LOL even the NUM there was fugly. the only redeeming quality about expo was the damn nice lighting effect it had on our photos. HAHAHAHA. anw we headed for kbox with carine aft that and had a blast all the way since then. go see fb for our horror videos.

omg, that day was more then sugar. it was diabetic.

miss my two laokuis so much.

)))):

i love God for all these good times and good friends.

omg. i wanna vomit when i read my old posts. its damn gay and damn fucked up. seriously, i nv knew i was that gross. LOL. tmr can dont go work?

did i mention, yest suju was talking to me on msn. i swear.
in my dreams la. but even in my dreams i tot i was dreaming! but i wasnt! omg. so its like reality in a dream. maybe it'll happen soon. oOOOOomg. damn exciting.
btw they only wanted to talk to me. okok, actuallyoly one of them. but good enough.

now its super junior plus.

plus me. WAHAHAHAHA

wahahaha irritating pamela, this sentence is dedicated to you. you must read it out loud. LOL! and you must do the waahaha laugh too.

oh man, im so tired. AGAIN. works sucks ttm pls. and even without the pls, it still sucks. hahahahaha. but no rly, i also dno why work got so much to do. sometimes i finish everything so quickly it seems like im almost free. ALMOST. then suddenly huge piles start coming in again. its awful.

and it doesnt help that sometimes.... urg, nvm.

my sis came back. and she bought me lots of stuff. lol. and she's back to claim back her room which i refuse to surrender because my air con havent fix yet. hahahaha~

wah nowadays i also think i quite spontaneous. but meeting up with the bitches is nice.

kbox on fri with erika~ wooooo. so exciting!

im getting fatter by the day. and dont land a spaceship on my face the next time u see it, EVEN if it looks like the moon. PLS

my connection with God weak leh now. i think must upgrade my modem. or use verybroad-band. or wire-lesser.

or maybe i should just pray more. LOL

very broadband. HAHAHAHA wire lesser. sometimes i kill myself with my own jokes. shuddup if u dont agree! HAHAHAHAHAHHAA

sometimes hor, i scared people will mistaken the things i blog about to be about them. i clarify ar, alot of things have nothing to do with friends. they are really just reflections that are based on all the bad experiences i had in my life. which are usually not things that are related to friends. okok i just thought i better made sure. lol

i rmb what i was thinking about at work that day alr. i realize that my dream has since a few years back always been to be a singer. LOL dont laugh! i seriously wna be a singer lor. and no, its not cause of the fame and the money or whatever, its really cause i love to sing and i want people to like my singing. shit this sounds more and more ridiculous the more i type it. but really. i mean i dont mind like taking part in sg idol and coming out like 4th or 3rd. thats enough for me alr. at least i know i have a little bit of potential and i'll be contented with that.

who cares if im singing at a lounge or at kbox. i dont need big stages and spotlights. i just want to sing and know that i can sing. rather than now ar, must wait for people to be out of earshot then can sing. or with family or a few friends who i know wont mind my voice.

lol. okok. this is rly more and more absurd the more i type it out.

hahahahahaha

i need to keep reminding myself life's good. and it is. so i better appreciate all these good times. cause i dont think they ever last. thank you God, family and friends for making it great.

i need to exercise. somebody pls make me exercise or exercise with me. and if u dont mind exercising with me pls dont mind my cui-ness too. lol

im so psyched about my new house. tmr i post some photos of it under construction. hahahaha

omg i am damn stupid. i actually pressed an extra slot for driving and now i have an extra lesson for me in one hours time. lol, nvm, the instructor wont know i had a lesson earlier, so im gg to act damn pro and he'll be damn impressed. HAHAHA. cheap thrill.

wah shit, i was thinking about some stuff at work today and i wanted to blog about it. but i forgot all about it, like i expected myself to. loll

yay, its the weekend and my mood is infinitely better. im so tired of work and not so hardworking bums. they whole day watch movie one leh. and im like a kuku hiding in some corner typing away like crazy. lol.

i can stop my hiatus alr i think. lol. kell totally laughed when i told her about it.

anw, its such fun reading histories of msn convos. its really like reliving those moments but sometimes it gets really awful because some of them are like gone forever. ): and i realize when u first know one another, the way u talk is quite funny. damn formal and awkward.

i wna cut hair~
i wna kbox~ 8 bucks one mind u. damn cheap. cnt take. and wah lao, my sis's room must be located in some cave under the sea in a mountain along a river and over the clouds. cause there is. no. freaking. reception. here.

S:

driving (AGAIN) in an hour. LOL. seriously damn stupid la

eee. internet connection in my sister's room sucks. and the already lagging like mad fb is impossible to open here. i know i know, hiatus from social networking but im trying to upload photos la cause yesterday keep failing.

anw i think humans are such funny creatures. lol, they are always finding excuses and justifications to make themselves feel better. even when they know that there's actually smth wrong with them. hahaha, of course, being human, i think im guilty of the same thing. but i think it would be a lot more noble and a lot more cool if people spent more time admitting their mistakes rather than trying to cover them up.

if its me, i would rather spend the time reflecting about what i do wrong rather than pretending im not. because no one is going to blame you for making an effort to change. but people are going to get mad plenty if you know that youre doing smth wrong and yet trying to push your luck, insisting you're right.

okok, i spent two paragraphs saying the same thing i think. lolll.

i dont like myself enough to trust myself to talk to people properly yet. and its quite hilarious cause i need to tou tou go online and ask kell to send me ahsa's new songs. LOL. and i didnt get kellie, i got her evil twin liekel instead. funny things happen everyday. like this quote i saw at my workplace "oh god pls give me faith and hope to persevere in my work, but pls dont give me strength cause i will hammer the person who's doing this to me" LOL. i also dno why police got so many this kinda thing. either they very free or they very bored. LOL

i on the other hand find myself feeling sick to the core clearing other people's backlog. and they really didnt bother to do anything right. if i wasnt on a quest to be more understanding towards ppl i would call them all things mean and nasty. LOL.

yay, tmr is friday alr.

and b1, i know u read this and in case i forget to sms u, next week go kbox the 7-10 slot at safra. but im afraid u wont want cause its at boon lay which is very very far for you. anw u let me know ok? erika say she any day also can. and i mon, tues, wed, fri all can. so u decide! (((:

oh dear God. i feel damn bad cause i nv pray for a damn long time. i say hiatus with you but i keep living in my own world. LOL. sorrysorry, pls remind me to pray ok. lol, okok, i'll remind myself. hahahaha

i tell myself i must live each day like my last or at least try to. cause this way i wont regret anything.

i dont think 12 am should count as a start of a new day. lol, it feels so weird to refer to smth that happened less than 2 hours ago as yesterday.

but for blogging purposes, alright, yesterday, lol, i met up with most of the Gang for a impromptu kbox session. okay, wait, give me a moment to advertise for kbox at safra. ITS DAMN DARN COOL! i swear. you know, the controls are on this huge touch screen thing that looks like a ultra oversized ipad. no freaky eye things like other branches. loll. and its rly 8 bucks for a session from 7-10. which is really really very cheap.

hahaha. ok enough ads. had a lovely time camwhoring with them. took alot, and i mean alot of ugly fat photos of myself that seriously cmi. lol. remind me nv to wear a cardigan and take photos again. hahahaha.

anw, it was a short but great time. tho i think i'd prefer kboxing with b1 or the laokuis cause we have more similar song taste. lol. but it was a grean enjoyment nonetheless. camwhoring is equally fun! whoohoo~

im starting to really dislike work because i realize i finish my work very quickly. and so other people start pushing their own workload onto me. well its okay to help but the thing is i finish those quickly too, so in the end, they push everything to me while they sit around and enjoy life.

well i am feeling mad and injustly treated but i came across this quote thing in the office. (it seems to be the hobby of my supervisor, lol, sticking these random quotes everywhere) anw i loved this quote. it says: expect less from man but more from God.

it means alot of things to me. and one of them is to be alot more accepting towards others instead of wanting ppl to please u all the time. they dont have to you know. because i dont do it all the time.

i think this helps with alot of anger and upsetting issues. (:

see, i told you God was everywhere. even in the office. LOLLLLL

nowadays the blogskins are so ugly. some of them just look really freaky, while others are just frightening. all the nice ones are girl ones, which goes to show girls have better aesthetic sense. lol

but i manage to come up with a pretty nice blogskin (if i may say so myself). lol. i told myself no fb and no msn. and i mean it man. so i whiled the time away revamping my blog which was horrendously ugly. hahahaha. and im so pleased with the result. woohoo.

but i decided to do away with a large part of links. other peoples' blogs which ive never visited. lol. its funny how we use to think that having alot of links means we're popular. i dont wna be popular. i rather have a close, heartwarming grp of friends i can count on. i read this note chenting gave me a long time ago, but it rly got me thinking. "i rather be ugly, because it means people like me for who i am and not for my looks" hahahaha deepness aside, its one of the rare moments chenting actually comes up with smth so meaningful and woah. instead of her usual "aguabahjuboola" and all other funny sounds. HAHA

but anyway, this forced quiet time rly helps. i found out that ive lost a large part of what i use to be. so its time to find it back. (:

anw. MY AIRCON is spoilt. its horrible~ imagine waking up feeling like a oven toasted turkey. (note to self, say sorry next time i eat turkey) so now i have to move to my sister's room instead. luckily she's overseas or i'll be stuck in the guest room with a ridiculously huge bed and nearly no walking space. haha! my sister's room takes some getting use to. first because its so huge and second cause its so filled with girl stuff. like stuffed toys and pink files and bags. lucky no lingerie. LOL!

i miss my room but its nice having a change of environment. like how i need change too. i need to stop being horrible.

):

GODGODGOD~ ure the only one i can depend on now.

meeting the Gang tmr. and if im not dead by then, KBOX. woohoo~

600th post! and plus a few more actually. but this is the official 600th one. quite impressive right. hahahaha

anw, cannot. i realize i need to get an overhaul. both inside and outside. im disliking myself more and more. i find myself so detestable sometimes (well not just because im fat and fugly) but also because im becoming so... wah, whats that word. apathetic? no, no, its more like... all i care is about myself. but egocentric doesnt seem like the right word. aiya. whatever it is. i just suck.

yes, i dont like myself now seriously.

ok, i resolve to not talk to anyone until i undergo a META-MORPHOSIS. LOL

nono, im serious. no more msn, no more fb, no more outings. until i get myself right. im gg to be a caveman. ugga ugga woo woo.

what a stupid waste of time typing this, when i can be spending time reflecting.
lolll

600th post and so such a shitty one.

GOD!!! lets go for a hiatus. i need to connect myself with you again.

btw, my camera is ultimate love. it better be cause it cost a bomb.

its funny. because we all wna think that we're right. and when someone comes along to challenge that we get all defensive and offended.

am i a bad christian?

i think i am. because God is so good to me. because when im down in the dumps he's always there to make it better again. because he makes my life more awesome than it should be.

and yet i cant even be bothered to put in one day a week to do smth he likes. i think im the worse kind of christian ever.

and it took a non christian to tell me that. (and no uberbitch im not mad at you. im just rly affected by what u said, so i nded to blog it to reflect. LOL)

i guess i rly am sucky. but im not gg to push myself down so far. as far as im concerned whether ima sucky christian or not, i am gg to love him just as much. because if it comes down to it, i will always and always, choose him.

WHOOO~

whoo because its the weekend! and thats awesome cause it means no work!!!! yes im serious, it is THAT bad. BUT WHOO also because i finally cleared all the backlog! IN THREE DAYS MIND YOU.

hahahaha i amaze myself with the amt of effort i put in and i was telling bitchtwo that if i put in the same amount of work for sch i would have done really well.

*&!&@*!*!@%!

oh well, too late.

and seriously some people dno how to punch hole one leh. got so difficult not. either they cock eye or lazy. worst, lazy cock eye. *!&!%!&~ i should come up with a system that everytime someone doesnt punch straight holes they have to punch their own eye.

and if that happens, singapore will have its own personal Panda Zoo.

with the exception of me. cause i punch very straight holes. SO THERE

GODGODGODGODGOD LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
even if the past two days didnt seem to go right, i still love you ubermuch

H E L P

and i am merely making a statement

that i would be the best kind of worker anyone can hire. firstly because its cheap labour, earning only 2.50 an hour. secondly because i can clear 1 mths worth of backlog in less than 3 days. thirdly because i do it willingly and conscientiously.

dont you think im simply the best worker.

no no seriously im not praising myself. in fact i dont even feel a sense of satisfaction aft doing all that. i feel entirely used and utterly cheated. because only a fool will work so hard or nth.

i am really really exhausted. this morning, when i saw the two boxes worth of paper i needed to sort and organize i seriously nearly cried. the workload is so overwhelming and im pushing myself to finish everything in the shortest time possible. 8 hours of work non stop is really no joke.

but really, who would be so irresponsible to leave behind 1 mth worth of backlog for the one taking over to clear. ITS NOT FAIR. it really isnt. and now im struggling so hard to try and clear it before my current assignments pile up.

AND DID I MENTION IM ONLY A TEMP!

im rly so tired now. an having driving lessons in the night is no joke either. having half an hour each to wolf down dinner and lunch just to rush around for work and lessons is in every sense of the word, horrible.

so H E L P

i cant wait for the weekend to come. cycling with uberbitch will probably make thgs better

i am exhausted. and i think about tmr's workload and i wna cry again.

wah life as a crime clerk is busy ttm. i think if i were stuck that for the rest of my ns life i would end up being uber tired. and i'll probably shrivel up like some dried old salted veggie. and i have no idea why i use that particular weird imagery.

im think cause im really ultra tired.

and then tmr is gg to be another long day. PLUS i have driving in the night.

AHHHHHH~

GOD!!!!!

i feel so full. actually bloated would be a better word. and i actually just woke up from a nap. LOL. who ever heard of a nap at night? but at least im not like bitch1 who woke up at 5?

work hasnt actually started yet. the commander decided he has to think twice b4 he gets a secretary who cant shoot nor run. so excuse me while i find the nearest file to shoot and the telephone to run from. &*@^!*$@*!

its ok, i wouldnt mind ordinary office work too.

i feel God's presence more and more everyday. and i feel so very lucky. better than winning the toto.

driving in half an hour! vrooom~

more funny msn convos

❤ yizhen says:
*and then i can take ur toto money go buy a bmw
❤ yizhen says:
*WIN WIN SITUATION
Benj# <3 God says:
*you wish
❤ yizhen says:
*we both get what we want!!!
Benj# <3 God says:
*if i win toto
Benj# <3 God says:
*all u get is a dog biscuit
❤ yizhen says:
*okay
❤ yizhen says:
*that totally called for a middle finger


and that day when lichu was talking

kellie: eh you applying for rws right
chu: eh ya yizhen you help me apply alr not
yizhen: huh apply what,sunblock ar?

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

there are many things to cherish in this world.

and family i definitely at the top of it all.



but then comes friends.

friends like these


my largest favourite bestest grp of friends


the people who made life with tbk bearable


the two girls who tell me plenty


the 3 i cherish most. who always make me laugh so much my stomach aches


being with these 2 is so natural its like breathing


EIGHT YEARS of friendship and going strong. not to mention the craziest funnest ppl i love oh so much


(: the one and only best friend. tho i dont say this much but thank you veryveryvery much.


for a funny goofy not so gd lking fat guy, i sure have incredible friends. i wna thank you all so much and

I LOVE YOU GOD!!!!!

today was a super tiring day. woke up at 7+ and went for driving and had to chiong around aft that to cook, get ready, dress up, go out.

but it was worth it. well at least in some ways it was. like the really awesome and fun picnic the gang had. and thanks guys for liking my fried rice. oh man, we're a just a super loveable, camwhoring bunch. love them ttm.

and today was like fashion disaster day or smth. very long nv have such a day alr man but super sian and sucky.

anw, HAPPY 19TH kenneth! im sorry your cel turned out like shit and you had to see your own candles poked into the cake b4 your very eyes. damn horrifying. and then the place just turned out so sucky. URGH. no more timbre for me. from now on, TGIF.

but i gotta say, the usuals are as usual a real wonderful bunch. they are just another group of friends who make my life uber great. and im so glad i made some of the best friends from amongst them.

<3

aiya i just love God the most for giving me all these. what would i do without him, i rly dno. if i could give him a big hug i would man. LOL

REALLYREALLYTHELASTWEEKATHTA. lol. so the course (however lame and unnecessary) past in a blink of an eye. time flies and come monday i'll be an official underpaid clerk. emphasis on the UNDER-PAID. lol. but its ok. ive had it good.

BTW STUPID KAPLAN HASNT GOTTEN BACK TO ME. some private u huh.

i had my 2nd driving lesson today and the instructor was in every sense of the word emotionless. and i shall call him mr monotone. i much rather have yest's one. even if he was abit cheena, at least he praise me hor. AND SAT maybe go on the road alr. and i regret taking manual now cause its so much harder. BUT it'll pay off just like everything else. ((((:

know why, cause God has planned a b-e-a-u-tiful life for me. WOOHOO!

i thank God especially for my friends who are always making me laugh. and if i were defined by my friends, i think i would be quite an awesome person. HAHAHA.

I WANT MORE GOD IN MY LIFE PLS!!!! and i macham small child craving attention but who tires of God anw. and he's my best best best Father anytime anywhere.

(((((:

meet up with choo and B1 tmr! oh man, exciting.

im super paranoid now. i keep looking over my back every 3 secs.

those sarawakians are sick. they slash and mutilate ppl for stupid things like ez link cards and 43 bucks?? wtf. i hope they recieve their due. and i hope my dearest Father will bless and care for those who suffered unduly.

OMG, what if they see this. AND THEY DECIDE TO ATTACK ME.

die.

seriously dearest friends. WATCH OUT AND BE CAREFUL. plsplsplspls.

as usual, i have the funniest msn conversations. LOL

Li Chu says:
*i never heard before
Li Chu says:
*only heard of ham before
Benj# <3 God says:
*hahaha means you seldom go grovery shopping
Benj# <3 God says:
*unlike me
Benj# <3 God says:
*the auntieking
Benj# <3 God says:
*whole life go supermarket one
Benj# <3 God says:
*HAHAHA
Li Chu says:
*grovery shopping
Li Chu says:
*hmmmm
Li Chu says:
*whats that i wonder
Benj# <3 God says:
*its a more groovy way of grocery shopping. wah lao, u got so cavewoman or not
Li Chu says:
*HAHAHAHHAHAHA
Li Chu says:
*you damn nonsense omg!
Benj# <3 God says:
*HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHA! you should see the things i do on FB to annoy ahchoo~ its hilariously funny! ah gotta love my dear ahchoo's reactions. LOLLL. i still rmb all her funny faces she use to give. and how i would always imitate them. omg u rmb!! wah serious nostalgia.

anw, driving lesson in like 1hr plus! omg, &!%#&@%!& super exciting. maybe God will be kind and i'll be such a prodigy at driving that i only need 5 lessons to take exam. WOOHOO. totally love you God. and even if u dont. i love you anw. HAHA

know why, cause i cant imagine life without you. oh-my-God.

meet up this fri and sat!! OOOOooOOOoo

starting driving lessons on wed! damn cool.

oh no, its not like today today alr. its the 1st of june. haha, happy belated bday dad then. not like u'll see this anw.

cant wait to drive. vroooom~

hahahahaha

GOD IS GREAT!!

did you know that superglue burns??? it feels hot when you use it.

and im dead serious.

i think only a very lousy heck care house wouldnt have glue, like mine. but i still love my house anw, aw. which reminds me im only gg to stay here for another 2 mths or so. i wonder if i would rmb all my times here...

anw, im almost done with dad's card. didnt turn out as nice as i expected it to be but its not that bad either. actually its rather ugly but considering that im a guy and its my first try. i think ok la~

HAHA








i think im in the card making mood so i'll make one for kenneth too. LOL

i think ar, one day, i might just kick the bucket without knowing why.



anw, i havent started on dad's card. and im not prepared for my break to end. BOO~

and i keep thinking of kbox~ bitchOne, faster find another day that we can go la. i also wna have more time with my bitches and laokuis. but we're gg to have the usuals down to cel ken's bday and a gang picnic too, so s'not so bad.

work starts on Monday. i feel a little uneasy about it. ah whatever.

<3 GOD

dearest beloved God, pls hear my prayer.

anw, sad things aside. i had a really wonderful fantastic day out today. thank you so much Bitches(okay, i give in, lovelies rly not so nice). i like the word bitch. because u cant just call anyone a bitch and get away with it. its a mark of the strength of the frenship when you call one another names but dont take offence and just engage in more nonsensical bantering. HAHAHAHA

i love my two bitches. seriously. they are so much fun to be around. and they are super nice and awesome. aiya. whatever. love them ttm.

and 2 ppl kbox is fun ttm too.

and jere, yes, i do miss those crazy times with you too. lol. we'll meet up soon with everyone else. i'll try my best to make it happen.

and ps ar bitchOne, i think i must have seem quite reluctant to go thats why u decided to go yourself in the end. aah, thanks for being so considerate also la.

meeting kell tmr. awesome.

and back to sad stuff. i rly miss everyone and now that i know im not the only one, it actually makes it worse. boo. and thinking about dad's friend, suddenly everything doesnt seem so perfect anymore.

but i still love God very very much all the same.

i didnt know how much i'd miss 'you' until you were gone

i rly miss everyone.

i cant believe it. tmr's the real thing. the REAL thing.

who would have expected i've made it out alive.

words cant express the joy i feel. LOL

I LOVE GOD!!!!! WOOOOOO~

and yes i do feel a little timbre obsessed. go away yizhen i know you're reading this and you are just going to go "i knew it, that lousy ben" hahahaha. i wna eat their pizzzzas

i havent studied for my BTT!

its my last friday thr ever!

okay i know its like im obsessed over it but i really cant believe its going to be OVER!!!!!!!

right now all i can say is i <3 you GOD!

BTT in 4 days and i havent studied, zomg.

omg, i think im actuall going to miss NS62. its been 6 mths with them after all. a long, hard, arduous 6 mths i might add but meaningful in ways more than one, i think. (:

come to think of it, ive been extremely fortunate actually. no, not because of my stupid respiratory shit, lol, but because ive got a fair share of people who really look out for me. my bunkmates are one, my in charge's another and my fi is pretty nice too. so actually ive had it pretty good.

and after all these i nda thank the only person who made all of which possible. HAHA yes, u got it, its my favourite dearest God, my Lord!

tytytytytytytytytytytytyty ((((((:

anw, 3 more days. and thgs will be different again.

im gonna miss you guys, but tc and all the best!

im thinking i might have been abit miserly buying everyone a choc frog worth less than 50 cents each. LOL. its the thought that counts la

Today God says he doesnt want my obedience but my love.

so here is a GREAT BIG HEART FOR YOU!



















hahahaha, gotta show my dear God the love. because he's the best thing that ever happened in my life!!

anw life sucks when you cant drive. i wna faster learn how to drive. if not sch and work is gg to be the shits.

i think im putting on weight. BOO.

tadah, its a new week again. and... ITS THE LAST WEEK EVER!

WOOOO~

had a lovely day with the lovelies on sunday. it was actually quite short but it seemed like such a nice wonderful time with them. <3 we should go out more often. and thankyou for the topman tees! HAHA! i even got to pick them myself.

and i learnt hw to be a 2nd rate love fortuneteller too. 2nd rate cause i think its quite anyhow but true. LOL.

more events to come.

The Gang's Picnic
The Laokuis (so laokui man) reunion
The 1408's chalet

and more to plan.

like LAN, BEACH, VBALL, WII...

life's good. thank you so much dear dear Lord. without whom, none of these would have been remotely possible. i totally love you. (((((:

haha things are so different nowadays. and i feel kinda bad.

anw, iron man 2 was not bad. but the climax was anticlimatic. talk about oxymoronical.

off to a ntu tea party in a few hours and if i get chased out, im gg to kill him then kill myself out of embarassment. LOL

((((:

so this is what its like to have nth on your mind. lol.
it feels strangely empty yet liberating.

haha i spend everyday thinking of new activities to plan. spend time eating with family. sometimes play a little dota. fb and look at old photos.

isnt this the life?

it is.

then how come i feel so... err... meaningless? how does one feel meaningless anyway? LOL.

doesnt matter. nothing could be worse than what was prior to this.

anw, i got accepted into Chinese in NTU. HAHA. what a joke right.
wish i had study harder for my As. ah well, no looking back.

onwards and upwards! i think i got this off a show. lol

chilling out with the <3lies this sunday! WOOO. starbucks n catching up and camwhoring. it doesnt get any better than this.

lol all the funny stuff i use to hear in my time with 1408

RANDOM TIMES WHILE WALKING OUT OF CLASS

jer: your earring quite big arh
erika: hah? my urine?
erika: my urine quite big?? WHAT THE HELL??

IN HISTORY CLS WITH LY AND JERE

jer: money makes the world go round-
liying: the world is round what.

me: i thought the pacific war ended in 1965?
jer: talk cock!
liying: if cocks can talk, breast can sing.

DURING LIT LESSON

ms chan: that's the problem with men, they never have visions
me: aiya, vision for what, the sky will still be blue tmr whatt

THE TIME I COULDNT STAND HIM

so·lil·o·quy

1. A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to himself or herself or reveals his or her thoughts without addressing a listener.
2. A specific speech or piece of writing in this form of discourse.
3. The act of speaking to oneself.

so·lil·o·king

1. a master of overly-dramatic form of discourse in which the prat talks to himself incessantly or reveals his thoughts with a NO-NEED to know basis without addressing a listener, or at least he tries.
2. someone who constantly and unendingly speaks to himself.

FF AND MINE HILARIOUS CONVOS ON MSN

❤ yizhen says:
im going to ignore you
❤ yizhen says:
*ignoring in process*
❤ yizhen says:
*im still ignoring you*
❤ yizhen says:
*oi say smth while i ignore you*
benj# hwaiting! says:
HAHAHAHAHA omg that is funny!
❤ yizhen says:
*hahah no its not im ignoring u ure supposed to feel sad wth!*

absolutely love it.

9 more days!

and plenty of activities waiting for me to plan.

i wna go lan
i wna go sentosa
i wna have a picnic
i wna have a chalet
i wna have a bbq
i wna have a laokui reunion
i wna have a chill out session with my 2 lovelies. lol
i wna be rich

okay the rich thing has entirely nth to do with everything else. but i wna anw. haha!
that day i lost 40 dollars at timbre. BOOO. if not it would have been a perfect night.

oh ya

i wna go back to timbre too.

lol.

i want this 9 days to disappear!!

Dear Lord, is there anything you wouldnt do to make me happy. err i mean this in a please do more way tho. HAHA. love you anw

i love looking at facebook photos. they keep reminding me of all the great times with the people i love oh-so-much. ahahaha

these 5 months totally flew by. not in the sense that it moved really quickly but more of realizing that it past without you knowing. i think it was because i spent 80% of the time being depressed and counting down the time to book in every weekend and to bookout as well.

life was indeed horrible.

but now everything's okay again. in fact its better than okay. its great!

i guess it's really always sunshine after the rain.

although at times the rain can last really long.

lol.

i wna go out with my friends again soon. and get baked under the sun at sentosa. like really black. extra chao tar.

((((:

and i love the Lord. as always.

urgh, my bloody asshole commander just had to spoil my day today. stupid crumpler deprived freak. just go drown in your own shit.

BOO U.

BOOOOOoo~ boo myself for being so pissed over this thing.

but still, life is awesome now.

2 more weeks and its official. no more hell. NO MORE.

im stuck on the irritatingly enjoyable songs the chipmunks and chipettes sing. lol.

im happy now.

cause of how the lord has made my life so much better.

and for friends that make my life alot more pleasurable and wonderful. and knowing that some of them really care. its comforting in its own right. (:

and of course for family, who i cannot live without. no way.

im glad i always have a friend out there who's ready to share some of my problems. im either very lucky or i happen to make just the right friends. Thank God.

spent an entire day out with the usuals. it was short and seemed kinda brief but it was enjoyable nonetheless. i would have preferred to have played a little more volleyball tho. i cant run around much with my condition and since volleyball only requires me to move in confined spaces and hit a ball with my hand, its really the only sport i can engage in.

still, spending time with them is the best. at that moment all the problems go out the window and i can relax and have a little fun. (even if i was expecting smth bad) lol.

wanna have another such outing.

if i can.

i dont want to go back today. going to hell is so hard.

my mum tells me im a fool.

or that im taken for a fool. and you know what they say about mums knowing best. but even if they dont know best, they are the best. who else would purposely try and make your day by arranging a short trip to msia just to get you a WII? no one.

thats why family is truly what counts.

i can disappoint them and know they'll love me anyway. i can be the worse possible son ever and yet they'll never leave me.

but when it comes down to others, who will really tough it out with you?
its unrealistic to expect anything more than promises. and because we are people, we break these promises. myself included.

dear lord, help me get over this inner conflict. stop my sadness. end my anger. help me find peace. im so tired of life so i pray for your strength which is endless and almighty. help me pass thru... get thru this.

why should i carry all the burden alone?

tell me why i just cant get use to it.

oh cause its hell. you're not suppose to get use to hell.

i think i have it better than lots of people. but i think alot of people out there have it better than me as well.

):

i miss my friends alot of looking at my photos. i miss life in school. okay i miss everything thats not in camp. serious.

i've not blogged in the longest time. actually i think i have alot of things that are worth blogging. and im suppose to use the new blog but i realize there are way too many memories and links here for me to just give it up. but the green is making me irritated actually. lol

i miss my friends. i miss the usuals like mad because the last time i saw them was in december. when you compare this to the life we use to have, lessons in sch, breaks, lunches and hanging out almost everyday, this pathetic no. of times we meet is really kinda sad. and now i think i understand why yz seems kinda upset by this, i realize i am too. but the only comfort i have is i have no other choice, not when i spend 5/7 days of my life in some stupid f place.

dont even get me started about the life there. i think i couldnt express myself fully even if i exhaust my vocabulary of vulgarities. lol

so i wont go there. but if i tell you i rather endure ms tan's maths lessons 6 hours a day, i think you'll understand how bad it is. HAHA

i dont even get to talk much to the usuals anymore. everyone seems to be moving on, not unexpected but still sad nonetheless. from everyday to festive seasons only, suddenly the usuals arent so usual anymore.

life goes on?

yea, i think so.

talking about the usuals, i missed the gang's outing to celebrate ade's birthday too. life really sucks when you only have 2 days of freedom. it doesnt let you do very much. no actually there's nothing you can do at all.

even finding time just to spend a few hours with friends becomes so hard.

and my life will continue on like that for another 3 months.

its getting quite hard to bear actually.

but i thank god for family and friends. well at least i get to talk to yizhen plenty and things are still plain awesome when i meet up with erika and her.

about things in camp, i think its better left unsaid. my thought about the place are a myriad of feelings, its hard to differentiate from the bearable from the unbearable.

that place is devoid of happiness.

sometimes i think, even if it dramatic, death would be a better alternative.

and i promised myself i wouldnt emo. lol. okay. booking in in 2 hours +. think thats the reason why.

cny faster come!!!