the measure of a man is not by picking fights, but how you avoid them.

dearest lord,

i pray that you will find it in your heart to lessen the pain that my friend has to face.
i dont want anyone i hold dear to have to go thru such difficult times and such relentless anguish.
if i could i would take the pain for her, i really would.
please dear lord, do whatever you can to help because i cant. you're the only one who she can depend on now, please dont forsake her. and dont make things any harder than it already is.
its not fair that she has to experience this. its really not.

ive got a really bad headache.

really really bad. and a stuffy nose.

AND I HATE MY NEW MATHS TUTOR.

go eat shit.

im worried about carine...

its the feeling ive been dreading. when everyone seems to grow more distanced and i feel the need for isolation. i want to be alone so that i dont have to hide whats inside. i feel the need to give in to the grief in me and grow tired of trying to smile and laugh when i really dont feel like doing so.

i know this is so not the time for this.

but its something i just cant help.

i wonder when i'll grow up and get over myself.

anw.

i dont think very much of guys who make girls cry. but i guess you're so balless i cant even fault you for not being guy enough to do the right thing. thats right, you fucking piece of fat tub lard, if you ever make my friend cry again, i'll go straight to you and punch you in your already pathetic face. and then if you ever feel the need to be useful, i know a really good slaughterhouse. your brethren awaits.

zzzzz

i think its the exams. and alot of dawning realization. but mostly exams.

at least thats what i think it is.

nah, im fine, i think i'll get over it. you can only allow self pity for so long; sooner or later you need to smack yourself awake.

i appreciate things that are constant. constancy is a comfort that is meant only for the privileged, or the very lucky. of which, i am neither. i am however fortunate enough to have some very good friends and blessed enough to have a somewhat happy family.

of course, there's always God. but he's so constant it doesnt even count anymore. i think without him, i would probably be living in Ethiopia catching bugs for lunch, scrapping bark for dinner and not to mention blind with several fingers missing.

woah, that was so morbid but so horrifyingly true i should be infinitely thankful for what i have now.

but it doesnt make things any less harder to accept.

like taking things for granted. thats one.
forgetting the need to be sensitive, thats another.
or sometimes being plain unpleasant. thats worse.

which is why maybe i do need some isolation. it builds up character and dependency on others. and it gets alot of work done. lol

btw, my effing dog peeed on my bed. i would curse and swear at it several times over but it wouldnt hae understood a single word i said. except when i call its name. but that doesnt count. ): so im relegated to grousing about my actually pretty good life (that i need to appreciate a little more) and making myself zzzzzz all over again.

and to think i wanna be a psychologist.

lol.

SUCK IT ALL UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

i didnt just say that right.

and the gender revolution gp passage stipulates it should be

SUCK IT ALL UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A WO/MAN.

dry wit about gp is hardly amusing

har har

it was kinda a sucky day. like one of those "lets all rain bad luck on ben today just to make him du lan". zzz

i think if i had frowned a second longer my face would get permanently stucked that way. not a good thing to happen to a already 'take one look and run away' face.

at least that was until i heard a latest track that was a collaboration between my 3 favourite korean bands! WOO HOOOO
its seriously cute and funny.

and CHU! even if my day seem kinda zzzz, i hope you had an AWESOME 18th BIRTHDAY!!! and sorry i kinda ruined the surprise, didnt think you would be gg out aft sch today. ps ar. hope you like the presents and the cake! i really hope you like the present. srsly.

LOL

blogger's layout gets weirder everyday. not that i care much. lol

today's one of those days where i just feel like things arent gg right.

i really got so many things i would like to say but i cant put it here.

thats very upsetting really.

so in the end, i'll just suffer in silence. again.

whats new?

lol

eheh, i meant, suffer as in, choosing not to say it out. not that i have no one to tell it to. lol

got the feel to blog.

lol. been mapling pretty much recently. its the 2X exp fault. if not i wouldnt touch it, really.

eh shit, suddenly realize i dont know what i want to blog about.

no, maybe its more like, i realized i cant put what i wna say here.

zzzzzzzzzzz

then whats a private blog for?

-_-