shinee's new song rocks!

lol. once in a while i have to keep myself attached to my idols. if only i did the same for god. hahaha.

there are things i would like to say but it wouldnt be possible to put them here. which is kind of ironic because the entire purpose of making this blog private is just so i can speak my mind.

hahaha

guess not.

im feeling really mad. its just another one of those days when the anger just festers in me and i feel a need to cuss and swear. but fuck doesnt even cut the cake. lol. so i'll just bear it all inside, as usual, same-o same-o.

lol

i want to be able to talk to someone because its becoming quite unbearable withholding everything. ))))))))):

life goes on. its a simple, unacknowledged part of life. even if sometimes things suck and you feel like you're in the deepest, darkest, smelliest cesspool, life still goes on.

and im just taken along with it. and constantly hoping one day things will just get better.

never thought i would say this but hanging on to futile hopes is pure idiocy. and i really dont want to be an idiot anymore.

IM SICK AGAIN! KNS

headache, cough, flu, blah blah and blah. WAHLAOEH.

and i just heard the 1st case of swine flu has been confirmed. omg, what if im the 2nd. )))))):

my right arm is in a sling! and boy is it ugly or what, i look like nothing if not a joke. and darren doesnt help by laughing everytime he sees me.

but i guess it cant be help cause right now my arm is still hurting and the pain seems to be spreading to my upper arm and my chest. taking the meds would be a suitable alternative if not for the fact that i'll fall asleep the moment i take them. and seeing how i have gp to do, that is not a viable option.

ZZZzz.

i dont want to do gp!! and maths!! very sian leh!!!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

looking on the bright side, tmrs my favourite day! heeee

my arms are hurting me! seriously, i cant even type without feeling pain. why the hell am i here then. lol.

im afraid i may become handicapped cause the muscle might be inflammed or something. lol. and what the hell, i cant even play dota cause my arm hurts like mad and i cant hold the mouse properly.

siaaaannn. and i missed a jap sushi buffet today because of a black man in a turban who was rambling on about how its bad for us to have funeral parlours beside hospitals. seriously, get a life.

i bet he's smoked so much his lungs are as black as night.

hahaha, complain and complain is what i do, how awful. hahahahaha.

im going to fail the chem test today, i think.

i very tired now and i want to sleep but my arms are hurting too much for me to sleep. if by tmr the pain hasnt worn off, im going to a doctor and getting casts and look totally ridiculous. lollll. you can sign on my cast, i always thought that was kinda cool

blogging helps venting.

but i guess i should not be venting. everything is just about being optimistic and waiting for things to keep getting better.

in retrospect, my life now is still many times better than a not-so-distant past. and i guess ive slowly begun to stop cherishing the dozen of many things i have. when i put other peoples' suffering in comparison to mine or compare it to what ive been thru b4, this would still very much be heaven..

life is just all about learning to be appreciative before judging

learning to admit rather than to blame

learning to accept rather than reject

learning to just be a good friend.

looks like i really need an attitude readjustment.

dear lord, help me with this very unspiritual and sinful phase.

tmr's chem test and i havent study at all. going to sleep now and wake up early and study. okay no, i still need to emo a little bit b4 i sleep. and au contraire to what lionel says, emo doesnt mean you're confused, its because you're experiencing all those feelings all at the same time. counsellor my ass. oops, and im suppose to be learning to be more appreciative. hahahahaha. okok. he's not that bad lah. XXXX:

lol

i've never felt so hurt before.

really i havent. i mean its one thing to know im stupid and that im just not as learned compared to others. and i know im not hardworking and plain lazy.

but it hurts very much to hear people speak to me that way. to make it seem as if im of zero worth, to feel like i amount to no more than trash.

okay, i know its useless and pathetic of me, but there and then i really had this urge to cry.

i really never felt so hurt before. partly because i didnt expect it and partly because i know deep inside it is in some way, true.

fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

i cannot think of a better word to express my utter frustration.

WHAT THE FUCK!

vulgur as it may seem, its not even a strong enough word to describe the turmoil im in.

i only wish crying would make it all go away. but it wouldnt.

so wtf.

long weekends never seem to be that long. it passes way too quickly then its suppose to.

the vball girls lost. so did the guys. but you know what, i think they did wonderfully well anyway. and the guys have more matches to go and i know they'll just make it in the end. as for the girls, ive never seen a better team ever, even if they lost. (((((:

went for dota today after cheering for the vballers. and i lost almost all the matches. so it proves that my super pawn ai skills are useless when it comes to people. hahahaha. damn loser.

i dont want to go to sch tmr leh. its going to be a sucky day esp since there's lit. bleargh.

i cant wait for the hols to come so i can sleep as much as i want everyday. it does wonders for my complexion as well. ooops. that sounded kinda himbotic. lol. who cares. lollllll

wth

there's something about blogging that makes me irritated. but i'll try anyway.

i realized that at the rate im going, i will fail my alevels. esp maths, know why, cause its effing hard and my tuition teacher is forever mia.

i will fail chem too because i didnt do any of the tutorials so far.

i will fail lit and even though i half blame my lousy lit teachers, im super slack and sian of it. esp PnP. it makes me pukeNpuke.

oh dont even get me started about gp because my teacher still -for the love of god- cant pronounce problem properly. no matter how hard she tries, its still ploblem. and it sounds funny here but when you consider the fact this is the person gearing you for the A level GP exam, it isnt quite so funny anymore. ):

OKAY. i grouse and grouse, but actually, im a large part to blame for everything. im slack and constantly procrastinating. right this moment im procrastinating my lit presentation. bleargh.

so now that ive done with the studies part, lets move on.

im constantly bothered by very non-studies related things. and i think that things dont seem to be heading in the right direction. im feeling very lost, confused and a little peeved. it seems i really need to deal with these things soon.

the whole health problem thing seems to be over or maybe im actually incubating H1N1. after all, i do resemble a swine. lol

quick dear lord, help me hit the refresh button. the back button would be fine too. anything but the tab button. i dont need more issues in my life.

AHHHHHHHHH

what a whiny and bitchy post. i think i'll go play dota and feel good pawning the ai. and if i lose, i'll go dunk my head in the toilet bowl.