hey ff, see lah, you have no tagboard, so i have to type it here instead.

no, its never humanely possible for someone to accept someone else unconditionally. but that shouldnt stop you from seeing the better side of people. sometimes we get so caught up in a particular weakness we forget to appreciate their qualities as well. and you're not petty nor unaccepting, you're just being human. so dont feel bad likewise the person you have problems with is also human. we all make mistakes, in the end its how we forgive each other and forge stronger friendships that matter.

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i really think ms giri is the most awesome and inspiring teacher ever.

i dont feel like going to sch tmr because im dead beat. SPA sucks. and im probably going to flunk it.

urgh.

sch sucks.

never thought i would be updating on such a regular basis. its been almost everyday now.

maybe lichu was right, we only use our blog to rant. or maybe like ff says, its the only way to express your feelings.

either one would work fine for me, i just need to blog anyway.

at some point in time, we reach a point in life when we no longer question "why". you no longer ask why is this happening to me? why should i have to suffer this? why am i so sad? why am i so mad.....

etc etc.

i guess its because we know that there's no reason to ask why anymore? asking why wont make you feel any better nor will it solve anything. so in the end you simply just accept it and hope that sooner or later, you tide it thru.

i hope i get thru this quickly.

but in retrospect, i wonder how much of all "these" is self inflicted? hmm, i think a large part of them are born of my own doing. had i been a little more gracious, be a little less judgemental, been a little more accepting, been a little less selfish.

things would have been very different now.

its all a matter of perspective and choice i guess.

and the lord as well.

maybe i shouldnt take things so hard. (:

sometimes i think things would be much better off if i was

more callous
more uncaring
more insensitive
more oblivious
more rational
more unfeeling
more unsympathetic
more unkind
more selfish
more self centered
more emotionless

and if i were, i'll probably be better off dead.

sometimes things just dont turn out the way you expect them to. thats just the way things are.

its a wonder how shortlived both happiness and sadness can be. but these constant shifts between the two can be in itself, in every sense of the word, a chore. its tiring and draining to toggle between the two and im, in summary, exhausted.

again the only thing i can be thankful for are the friends that i have around me. no matter how sian life can get, nothing seems to go wrong when i hang out with them. thank god.

spent the entire day out with most of the Gang. its been ages since i last saw them but nothings changed, we're still that same gang who just have wondrous fun together. whether its making a big scene at macs or looking like stowaways at marina barrage. nothings changed. (:

i dont hate feeling upset anymore. its come to a point that ive accepted pain as a part of life. it'll fade, just like all things, in time to come.

i just need to be patient.

in the meantime, i should reserve all rights to be all depressed and sad. lol.

life sucks and then you deal with it.

im confused by dual personalities.

that being said, being a person of multiple personalities, it'll probably be real hypocritical of me to say that. but i would never treat the same person in two different mannerisms.

i mean its one thing adapting to the needs of different people and its another hiding who you are to (how would i put it?) remain accepted.

suddenly computer games gain an extra dimension and definition that i've never seen before. long gone are those days when games were just simply games.

in the end i conclude, there's nothing more important than your friends. if something has to be forced or is unnatural, its probably just a farce or not worth your time. i've come to appreciate my friends more so than ever before. there's just that clear defining line between companionship and friendship.

one's real, the other isnt.

i'll go for the real one thank you.

ive got half a mind to lay off dota.

cause i think its kinda infringing onto my friendships.

because everytime i play with the guys i feel really stressed trying not to be a total loser. face it, who wants to play with a loser. ):

cause i think im being a bad influence by constantly asking the guys(esp mh) and ff to go and dota with me.

uh huh. so i really have half a mind to lay off dota. the other half(that doesnt want me to quit) comes from the interest i've developed for it. its like fun, challenging and strenous all at the same time. its just awesome lah

maybe i really need to cooldown.

there are more impt things in life than a silly computer game.

imuststopdotaimuststopdotaimuststopdotaimuststopdotaimuststopdota

things will never be the same again. or at least, i'll never see uncles the same way again.

the event is of such horror and gore, to speak it or relate it would be absolute blasphemy. okay, maybe im exaggeratin a little, okay, maybe alot. but no doubt, it was gross and sick beyond reason.

stop laughing at me erika!

and i own the AI today!! hohoho. all thanks to mingchio's brilliant tip. WOOHOO

eh ff lets go own some AIs soon. make ourselves feel good. hehehe.

suddenly im getting many weird signs. signs that i find getting increasingly hard to ignore. its not something i can help nor can do anything about. and im not in any particular hurry to lose this feeling anyway. bah. this feels kinda stupid.

i need some orientation.

mingchio and umchio. LOL. wth. and cheebong. whatever that means. ff we're full of shit really.

its been EXHAUSTING. i swear pe cant get any more tough than it already is. its like i lost 10 years of my life. i can feel the arthritis and rheumatism creeping upon my old, decrepit body.

very soon, i'll be able to predict when rain's coming and i would be 10 times more accurate than the lousy news station.

so about thurs, LAN with kenneth and minghan. of course, i was the only noob and kenneth was being an asshole by laughing at me dying. haha but it was fun nonetheless, real fun.

fri's college CIP as usual is more like a bonding session for us even if we slogged so bad. i like the curious case of benjamin button, BESIDES the fact that it has my name in it.

valentine's day yesterday. spent the entire day msging. lol.

and i keep losing at dota i feel like pulling out the little hair i have left.

its so sad.

feeling kinda jaded, nono, i think i mean i feel hmm.. ambivalent.

i think la

i stand corrected.

I NOT STUPID 2 is not so stupid after all. even if the name does irk me because of its typical singaporean broken english. fine, i admit, its kind of pedantic but its my prerogative cause im a lit student after all.

jack neo: oh can you give me a LAME(lamb) chop please
waiter: oh no, thats a LAMB chop
jack neo: whatever~! can you get rid of this LAME(lamp) please

minutes later
waiter: sir, here's your LAME chop.

HAHAHAHA. it was seriously funny. he was attempting to relate to his son by using teen's expressions like SO LAME and whatever.

but aside from being hilariously funny its really sad too. especially when his son ask if he could buy an hour of his dad's time.

and i realized that family is all you have in the end. so im going to make a real big effort in being nicer to my parents.

and this song makes me feel ashamed of myself.

Verse 1]
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

[Chorus]
'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

[Verse 2]
It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

[Chorus]
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

when you let your hopes build, it has a tendency of coming back ALL the way down. i guess i'll try to not let my hopes get way too high. then again its silly because hope is all i have now. shit, this seems to be turning into a hope GP topic.

lol

i've been enjoying the recent gp lessons. on art, on morals, on happiness especially. seriously, happiness is when sadness ends.

i dont like jenna. even if you're in the choir it doesnt mean you can belittle people who arent. your voice may rock -i dont think so- but if you have the lousiest character in the world, you're nothing but a farce.

a blown-up baboon's ass to be exact. b u b a, buba, thats what you are.

shit. sorry, i just hate it when people diss my friends.

SIMUN is really making me barf though im still madly in love with history lessons. and i just realised how much i like ms koh. for being a truely inspiring and fair teacher.

PEPSI's all i can think of at the moment.

im just happy because i could be getting back my psp.

and monday is always the Usual's lunch out day. yeah, kell, i like the bonding too however corny it sounds.

and i take this time to thank, auntie clara, carine, erika and yizhen for being there when i was all shitty and F'ed up. i would trade my psp for any of you.

that being said, can it be like willingly gave up instead of having it stolen or lost?

i guess the lord is just and merciful afterall. i never should have doubted it

i really feel like crying now. im really feeling awfully bitter.

i lost my psp.

okay i admit i hate my blogskin already. and everyone is moving to wordpress im getting the urge to as well. but then ive always been the kind that purposely defy trends -which is kind of stupid- so i'll just resist the urge and stick to this. the green is quite irritating alr.

i dont know what to make of things now. im feeling disillusioned and irritated especially with my hair. and today super nice minghan spat ice at me so im feeling even more irritated than usual. its super gross, what the hell. lol

okay lah it was funny.

not the point though.

and i had a hell of a time discussing godzillas, dinosaurs and whatnots with jeremy during chem lecture.

played a mini version of amazing race today.

shit im doing the what i did today kind of shit.

but nvm.

i dont like ms ng, period. go get a life and stop being in mine.

I FEEL VERY ANGSTY!!! so angsty i dont even wanna play dota. kns

BAHHHHHH