i am even madder now because blogger just ate up my post. and i dont feel like typing again.

bottomline, i don't like mona. and i'm sure i wont like lisa.

and i'm in a foul mood because of my cold and flu.

the maggi mee i ate makes me feel like puking.

and some super nice honest guy told me i'm fat and that my hair is ugly.

i am so sad.

:(

and it doesnt help when water drips from your nose.

ew.

today sucked. i had a really bad case of diarrhea and i swear if i havw to sit on the toilet bowl one more time i will... i will..

draw ugly faces on it.

um. YAH.

and i still have alot of hw i haven't done. i am very angry at myself for not being as hardowrking as an ant. and since i am again on the topic of ants i shall express my displeasure because one just bit me. and i squished it.

i don't feel bad because it bit me for no apparent reason.

i realize i want a new pencil box and a bag. i think i will go to bugis and try my luck with bags again. ahhh, crumpler!!! if only my ants turn into 50 dollar notes. i swear i'll never squish another ant in my life.

yup.

i am attempting to do my work. however i have to admit that i have not been able to make much headway especially when television programmes are blaring away and food is so wondrously calling my name.

i wish i had half the discipline of an ant.

i chose an ant because it's crawling on my table now and i am feeling very irritated at it. i squished alot of ants today because when i gave them a chance to run away, they refused. and i dont want to wait for them to run away to start my homework.

and then again, if i end up not doing any homework, i would have squished those ants for nothing. and that is no good. i feel like taking a bath because i feel very ill tempered. and that is no good.

so i shall go take a shower. but taking a shower would mean i'm procrastinating. and that is no good. but if i don't, i cannot concentrate thus i would not be able to do my work properly. and that is no good.

i bought alot of stationary over the weekend. i didnt use my on money so that is good, but i spent alot of my parents' money and that is no good. i like my new file, it says metal colour. but the size of it is abit off and that is no good.

i am clearly procrastinating as you can see.

and

that is no gooood.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

oh and i have so much backdated homework that if they magically transform into ants i would be very very very irritated.

i wonder if my teachers would believe me if i told them my homework turned into ants and crawled away with my kit kat bits on my table.

hmmmmm....

i think i forgot to mention my constipation is figurative.

oh and i realize i do really like literature. yes. hahahaha

i saw Lisa today. i think she's related to Mona. hmm. there was this uncanny resemblance. and it's really in all manners of the term "freakish"

i guess HUO really BU DAN XING.

okay. i'm so fcuking bitchy. LOL

sorry.

the more i see my idols, the more i self worth i lose. they appear to be like the manifestation and symbol of perfection. and i don't just pale in comparison, i'm like this disgusting worm crawling in mud on some faraway planet in some random galaxy.

ahhhhh.

i should just go jump off a building and die.

oh and the song i'm listening to now has the words "mother fcukers". wth?

hahahahahaha

i don't know leh. but sometimes it's things like that which kind of irritate me.

ehh...

ahh forget it.

and i'm suffering from a very bad case of constipation. yes. it's the worst kind ever.

i like games like fuzzy wuzzy.

so fuzzy wuzzy likes ewwwwww but hates ew

hahahahaha

i need stationary!

i need

- a file
- plasic folders
- a notebook a4 size
- a new pencil box
- a diary or notebook
- a mechanical pencil
- a marker
- highlighters

i've never went stationary shopping before. so wierd. i wonder if this is how nerds shop?

wah sian, i dont wanna be a nerd.

i must buy those cool col stationary. even if i'm a nerd. i must be a cool one.

hahahaha, i'm so full of bullshit.

ohohoh, today when me, lum and sh were at toa payoh hub. we were interviewed by some tv person. and we may get to appear on tv. hahaha so exciting! but then everyone will remember me as the fugly guy who hates incest.

ahh sian.

god why god.

i dont wanna be ugly.

:(

i realized my previous post was horrifyingly "emo". yeah, or whatever you call it lah. hahaha. and by the way, "emo" is a bloody irritating word. it sounds so.. hmm.. uncouth and barbaric. i think i will stick to cheryl's cheem term like "ambivalent". or maybe enigmatic. as long as it's not "emo" i'm fine with it.

hahaha. and it's getting wierd also because teachers are starting to use it. and we all know it's time to choose a new word if teachers start following our trends. i can't imagine the teachers going "wahh, why you today so emo?" wahahaha. bloody funny.

went out to mug with shihui today. 4 hours of tuition from 9 to 1. and then mugging from 2.30 to 6. and flash, bang, boom. TADAH. no more sunday.

and i have

- literature devices test. (tmr)
- literature diagnostic test (thurs)
- ap/gp test (sometime this week)
- GP test (sometime this week)

and i still have

- gp articles [task 1 and 3] (tues)
- sequences and series tutorial (tues)
- gsc compre and zuowen (tues)

wah lao eh. i hate tuesday man. oh and i end school at 6.15 on tuesdays. LIKE SHITT!!!

and there i was thinking about kboxing tmr. AS IF!

on a happier note.

no wait there isn't.

tsk.

while excavating through my drawers today i happened to chance upon my secondary school chinese notebook. hahaha, and there were alot of Re Ji, diary entries. and just for fun, i read through them.

and i happened to realise i use to be full of respect and love for my parents. it's like we shared a really close relationship and we understood one another really well. maybe idolize would be too strong a term but i really did love them very much and looked upon them as wise, mature, kind adults.

but of late, i think things have changed. maybe it's because im less filial and less understanding? or it could be the fact that i'm older and i want my own privacy. i dont think these are the main reasons though.

maybe i'm wrong to say this but i've to say my parents are not what they use to be.

i mean what sort of parent would tell the child that the world is a evil place and that i have to watch my back and never trust anyone? and what sort of parent would tell their children that everything in the world revolves around being rich and well to do?

yeah, i know, the wordly-wise ones? the realistic, smart, capable kind?

i don't deny that they are.

but you know what, i hate them for that. i hate it when they tell me that i have to scheme against others just so i don't allow myself to succumb to the wicked. i hate it when they tell me i'm too innocent and too gullible. i hate it when they tell me i'm unrealistic and stupid to believe in people. i hate it when they treat my like some childish, spoilt, stupid, child who refuses to stop believing in happy endings and happily ever afters.

and it devastated me most when i told my mum that we should never do anything against our conscience and that a life with a guilty conscience wouldn't be worth living and she replied " well. yes, but your conscience won't feed you, will it? your conscience won't buy you food and support your life"

and my dad. the all so oblivious one. who asked me on my birthday why does it seem as if i've drifted away from everyone. why is it i no longer talk to them? i never answered. i didn't want to hurt their feelings and neither did i want to ruin my appetite by hearing all about how i should destroy others before others destroy me. and i didn't want to hear another word about how i need to be rich and give my family a big house and provide them with material items. YES, they DID say the exact things. i did not misintepret.

i'm sad because i no longer respect them anymore.

and although it's hard to say. things will never be the same again.

oh dear mum and dad. i'm not unrealistic and immature. i know more about the world than what you believe. you have given me more than a fair share of all your problems. but i will never degrade myself to your level just to protect myself from "bad" people. never.

lalalalalaala

what a long and draggy post. and one so ever unfilial. but i had to get it off my chest because i'm quite sick and tired of you two telling mt to wise up etc etc.

i think you two need to grow up. and start acting like parents again. not my financial consultants.

you know the one bad thing about happy memories is that you they usually stay with you for a long long time. and it really sucks when you look back and know they are remnants of what will never be again.

there are so many friends, whether they were once upon a time or right now, that i miss.

esp 1708. since it's nothing but a wonderful past.

it's horrible to reminisce. rotten right down to the core.

if it's a small comfort, shihui is one great friend i'll be keeping for a very long time. and that 14-08 is pretty great too. and my new teachers are pretty decent. oh and no chinese. and no pw. i think. hahaha

as an afterthought. i like my new phone.

hahaha.

why shouldn't i be happy when today is one of the most unforgettable, memorable, joyous and simply marvellous day in my 18 years of life!!! hahahaha

why shouldn't i boast about my all so fantabulous friends!? first off, AUNTIE who made the day before my birthday SO EXCITING AND TOUCHING and making the start of it absolutely enjoyable as well. and a sudden pleasant IM from zm. coupled with sweet, heart-warming smses from the littlemisses, 1708, angela and syaf from the beginning to the end. greetings from og17, birthday songs by 1408/lum/shihui/ying in a great many different versions! i swear i could have just melted on the spot.

and WHY shouldn't i gloat about my all so hot pink tie!? my scrumptious cake! my HAPPYPILLS! 'my too perfect to eat' cupcakes! and all the self made outstanding awesome birthday cards! my all new brown cool wallet! yes. i'm gloating. bahahahahaha. gloat gloat GLOAT!

yes, i have all the reasons to be happy, to boast and to gloat. so that's just what i'm going to do!

lol.

but truely today has been really terrific. i really want to express my heartfelt thanks who made this day especially beautiful. i mean what more could i ask for? with such incredible friends, i really have nothing more i could ever need. so thank you one and all. thankyousomuch!

god BLESS aLL of you!

i'm truely blessed. yes. i am

STILL wasting my life away in front of all the electronics. wahaha. dead.

and i haven't even been hobbying. which is bad because i signed up for a singing competition. so much so i can't even reach a sastisfactory octave. KNS. really like shit lah. maybe i won't take part after all.

and i haven't tried breathing exercises either.

DAMNIT. god i NEED strength.

i'm going to take that pill to make me feel all better and boost my self esteem.

gulp.

it's utterly ridiculous that i have to sit in a hair salon waiting for a freaking 2 hours just so my sister can iron out all the stupid curls in her hair.

oh god give me strength or i think i may simply grab an iron and do it myself.

and no mum, you don't have to entice me with crap just so i'll do it. and all your dumb ideas just got thrown out the window. because if you were that nice, you'll go do it yourself.

it's going to be a loooooooooonggggggggggg wait.

i think i just might die.

and i don't give a damn. i'll grouse all i like

i think iim becoming more stupid by the day. it's like while the the ticks and tocks of the clock are the sounds of my brain cells slowly yet steadily imploding away.

my posts are mostly stupid and senseless. without no depth or thought whatsoever. i'm quite sure my little brother writes more intelligibly than me. and i realized that my english standard is by no means better than ANYONE. damn, and i was thinking i was a language person.

ah well.

more worthless information about myself. what's new anyway. hahahaha

anyway, step up 2 is really good. apart from the all so predicatable storyline. but then again you watch a dance movie for the dance moves, so who cares if the plot is BORING. the lead actress is pretty too.

and and and. cassie acted in it. damn cool.

i still haven't done any work. I RESOLVE TO DO IT TMR! yes.

like real lah.

some wierd guy on the mrt today wrote "i <3 k.h" with his umbrella. so it's mushy enough and oddly disturbing. but the thing is he wasn't with anyone except this small guy. ahahahaha. ew?

Kpool is erm. yeah. CHEEM. i miss kbox. I WANT KBOX. I NEED KBOX

help!!

so i spent the first two days of the march holidays doing absolutely nothing. wasting my life away playing computer games, watching tv and eating. if there were professional slackers, it would be the one thing i definitely qualify for.

i sort of miss school.

at least i don't waste my life away.

hahaha.

i haven't done a single thing on my to-do list.

i resolve to do alot of work tmr.

quite frankly, i have to say recently my life has been revolving around being a "matchmaker". it could be attributed to the fact that i have this nasty habit of being annoyingly nosy or it could be that huge overgrown thing on my face.

it's okay for huge nosed people to be busybodies you know? it's not their fault they were born this way.

hahahaha.

but on a more serious note, i think i should interfere less. mainly because i think i have a tendency to screw things up and of course i always get emotionally involved and attached.

but you don't just stand by and see things fall apart do you?

ahh whatever.

besides my concept of love and relationships are so vastly different.

dbsk keeps rocking. i mean i fell in love with SHINE now. a bit late, yes but in love regardless. hahahaha

it's the start of the march holidays! i can't wait to mug it away. yah right. hahahaha

i wanna go out. and there's like an unending list of to-dos.

-kbox
-chalet
-1708 outing
-tutorials mugging
-math tuition
-chem tuition
-sky of love
-the spiderwick chronicles
-grandma's birthday shopping

it's like it goes on and on and on.

siannn.

leaving traces, lost in thought
reminiscing, faded dreams
what we once had, is now gone

i just finished watching AVP 2. bah, it really sucks.

so why is it monsters always hide in dark, slimy, grimy places? it's like a standardised horror movie thing that all ugly creatures have to like the dim and smelly. it's kinda dumb if you ask me. why can't monsters be neat?

if i was a monster, i would like bright lights and clean, spotless places. with that designer furniture and that all so fabulous air condition. yeah. and you wouldnt find a single stain anywhere. i can't stand slobs.

hahahahaha

what a long day it has been.

recieved my A level chinese exam results today. i did okay. yeah. i'm happy with my results. so congrats!! to those who did well as well!! and to those who didn't, you can retake, so not to worry.

and it's my baby sis's birthday today!! hahaha, happy birthday vanessa!! i hope she likes the present i bought her.

jack's place with lum, sh and ying. hahaha and bugis later with lum and ying. we bought watches!! haha clique watches!! although 3 doesn't really form much of a clique anyway. hahaha.
lum and ying bought this pair of funky watches to wear to school. lol.

flowing along that emerald line
waves of regrets waves of sighs

shihui's back in AJ, hahaha, damn cool. and and and, we're going to be classmates for two years! and yizhen! and dingjie too.

lol. i guess god has been really gracious to me.

there are regrets though but i think it's time to stop looking back. maybe some things just weren't meant to be. and no amount of dwelling and pondering on the problem will ever make it better.

it's like how like poles repel and how the sun rises from the east. it just is. you don't argue, you don't defy and you don't question. things are just meant to be.

hmmm... goodbye then. you were a good friend.

so today was chocked with activities, AUDITION competition. yizhen gave way to me. don't LIE. i know you did. so yes because she decide to "drop out", i won her. and there was choir audition. surprisingly... i made it. i was bloody nervous and i think i cracked when the conductor asked me to go higher. lol. but in any case, i'm in tenor 2.

hahaha

so now i'm in the choir? is it like for real? i'm not sure if i'm ready for the commitment. oh and shihui got in too. hahahaha

so i guess tmr onwards, things will start to change. i just hope it's good.

i need to get closer to god.

broken glass cuts, so i'm letting go

i think have a value system that differs greatly from others. hahaha, and i mean it literally. it's like how people value being successful, being rich, being powerful, being better than others. i don't.

okay maybe that's like what my mum says, i don't possess that fighting spirit, that need to want to keep improving, to keep myself at the top. hmm, i would say she's right, it's not that i can't do challenges, i just don't like them. but i also know that contentment is bliss. when you're nowhere but in the pits, the only way is up.

i don't like the feeling of towering above others because it's a really long way down if you fall.

ahahaha, so full of crappy bullshit.

anyway, i didn't blog on the 29th. damn. hahaha, ah wells. what's the big deal about the 29th anyway, it just delays the arrival of my birthday.

i think i want my 18 birthday to be a bash. like a real big one. but how the hell i'm going to go about doing it, i have absolutely no idea. maybe i'll go out all night and party it away. LOL. like real. maybe i'll like spend it at macdonalds. with the party balloons, clown, miniature playground... WHOOPPEEE the birthday party they hold are so FUN!

yeah, Freaking.UNinteresting.

bahaha

so everyone's mugging now, i guess i should too. i definitely need to revise all my chemistry. math is fine i guess. OH and lit. i definitely need to improve on it too. mugging, ben mugging. hahaha, sounds wierd.

i don't like broken glass.