im glad i always have a friend out there who's ready to share some of my problems. im either very lucky or i happen to make just the right friends. Thank God.

spent an entire day out with the usuals. it was short and seemed kinda brief but it was enjoyable nonetheless. i would have preferred to have played a little more volleyball tho. i cant run around much with my condition and since volleyball only requires me to move in confined spaces and hit a ball with my hand, its really the only sport i can engage in.

still, spending time with them is the best. at that moment all the problems go out the window and i can relax and have a little fun. (even if i was expecting smth bad) lol.

wanna have another such outing.

if i can.

i dont want to go back today. going to hell is so hard.

my mum tells me im a fool.

or that im taken for a fool. and you know what they say about mums knowing best. but even if they dont know best, they are the best. who else would purposely try and make your day by arranging a short trip to msia just to get you a WII? no one.

thats why family is truly what counts.

i can disappoint them and know they'll love me anyway. i can be the worse possible son ever and yet they'll never leave me.

but when it comes down to others, who will really tough it out with you?
its unrealistic to expect anything more than promises. and because we are people, we break these promises. myself included.

dear lord, help me get over this inner conflict. stop my sadness. end my anger. help me find peace. im so tired of life so i pray for your strength which is endless and almighty. help me pass thru... get thru this.

why should i carry all the burden alone?

tell me why i just cant get use to it.

oh cause its hell. you're not suppose to get use to hell.

i think i have it better than lots of people. but i think alot of people out there have it better than me as well.

):

i miss my friends alot of looking at my photos. i miss life in school. okay i miss everything thats not in camp. serious.

i've not blogged in the longest time. actually i think i have alot of things that are worth blogging. and im suppose to use the new blog but i realize there are way too many memories and links here for me to just give it up. but the green is making me irritated actually. lol

i miss my friends. i miss the usuals like mad because the last time i saw them was in december. when you compare this to the life we use to have, lessons in sch, breaks, lunches and hanging out almost everyday, this pathetic no. of times we meet is really kinda sad. and now i think i understand why yz seems kinda upset by this, i realize i am too. but the only comfort i have is i have no other choice, not when i spend 5/7 days of my life in some stupid f place.

dont even get me started about the life there. i think i couldnt express myself fully even if i exhaust my vocabulary of vulgarities. lol

so i wont go there. but if i tell you i rather endure ms tan's maths lessons 6 hours a day, i think you'll understand how bad it is. HAHA

i dont even get to talk much to the usuals anymore. everyone seems to be moving on, not unexpected but still sad nonetheless. from everyday to festive seasons only, suddenly the usuals arent so usual anymore.

life goes on?

yea, i think so.

talking about the usuals, i missed the gang's outing to celebrate ade's birthday too. life really sucks when you only have 2 days of freedom. it doesnt let you do very much. no actually there's nothing you can do at all.

even finding time just to spend a few hours with friends becomes so hard.

and my life will continue on like that for another 3 months.

its getting quite hard to bear actually.

but i thank god for family and friends. well at least i get to talk to yizhen plenty and things are still plain awesome when i meet up with erika and her.

about things in camp, i think its better left unsaid. my thought about the place are a myriad of feelings, its hard to differentiate from the bearable from the unbearable.

that place is devoid of happiness.

sometimes i think, even if it dramatic, death would be a better alternative.

and i promised myself i wouldnt emo. lol. okay. booking in in 2 hours +. think thats the reason why.

cny faster come!!!