so it begins. strictly speaking, 3 days of horror, hahas, if i said i wasnt afraid, i would be the biggest liar in the world. but i guess being afraid doesnt help, i just have to do the best i can.

good luck to my class. im sure we'll all get promoted. :)

oh shitien, good luck too!!

hypertension or high blood pressure.

so two weeks later i need to return for a check up. doctor said it may due to stress.

so thats whats wrong with me. ah well, i just pray there arent more complications cause hypertension may end up in organ damage. yikes.

so again its a two days mc and i missed the last two days of school. i hate myself. i really do. for falling ill so constantly. stupid ben. take care of yourself can?

it is not true you need to be happy to sing. lol. i watched "lovin you" and cried, and sang better. LOL!! damn funny lah. nah, im not emoing, the video is just so damn kick ass sad lah. esp when the girl let go of his hand.. and when she held the cross, and then the car accident happened.

omgomgomgomg. its frigging sad.

lol.

so while the days while by, when i get sick of all the horrible studying, i go back to my songs and start screaming awayy.. hahahahas. and the pains of raising your octave range. lol.

promos are just a week away now. good luck everyone and to my pj dudes, JIAYOU! hahas, you guys can do it!!

im so sad.

lovin you...

ahhhh.. sighhh.. so sad.

loll

replies:

yang: heyy auntie.. thanks. i will. ahahahas, how are U?? doing fine not?? hahas. call me when my promos are over to catch up yah? and meet! meet! meet! loll take care!

Q: lol, yes senses is the right word to use. thanks yuan. hahahas. you jiayou too!! i expect to see As for all your subjects arhh.. no stress though. you can do it!

siokxin: lol, its a small thing. but ure welcome anyway. lol. study hard gal. promote promote promote! loll

sophie: i guess i do. you work hard for your promos too! :)

angela: hahahas hey econs gurll, it is. dont pon arh! and bring your lect notes lahh. hahahas. cya tmr. eh eh, find one day, do math and econs! study study study... go go go! lol.

end replies

dear lord,

ure right. i have sinned terribly. but im ready to serve you again. and this time, dont let me fail you.

and im sorry you guys.

i dont know how else to put this. im just sorry.

and from now on,

its not my job to make you happy. but to share whatever happiness i have with you

its not my job to support you just to make you feel good. but to tell you when ure doing something wrong or having wrong ideas about anything.

its not my job to comfort you and try to carry all your problems. but to care and remind you that there are still those who do. your pain is what i share, not your problems.

its not my job to bring a smile to your face. but for me to remind you that your face is yours and only yours. you decide if you'll cry or smile.

:)

its love and sincerity that touches people hearts. obviously ive long forgotten this. yea.

i'll rmb this. I WILL!!

lol.

it turned out pretty serious after all. so its a 2 days mc for me. with loads of horrible pills i need to swallow. i wish there was something i could do about my health but apparently not.

anyway. im pretty much focused on my studies now, it helps when you're just thinking about what you're suppose to put in your essay. lol

if its one thing i've learnt over this incident is, dont try to help, never try to help. mind your own business, or rather mind my own business. dont care, dont ask, dont bother.

dear lord. tell me what am i suppose to do. ive been like this for so long, only to realize i may be a victim of a personality disorder? are my values system that wrong? are my beliefs that irrational?

the answers are probably yes.

i guess if all of you are right, then yes, im suffering from certain mental disorders. simply put im crazy.

well if it helps.

i would rather be in a asylum.

then change who i am.

this way, i can be who i want to be, and you dont have to worry about people like me.

there is something wrong with me.

and the doctor didnt tell me what it was, he just gave me alot of medicine and even supplements.

hahas.

no im too giddy to find it funny.

maybe i might just suddenly shut down.

and a sorethroat is coming. i can feel it.

and nosebleeds are back.

look the computer screen is spinning. so cool
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

why am i so afraid,
to crash down and lose my heart again,
dont know cant see,
whats come over me.

INNOCENT EYES

Do you remember when you were 7?
And the only thing that you wanted to do
Was show your mum that you could play piano
Ten years have passed
And the one thing that will last
Is that same old song that we played along and made my mumma cry

I miss those days and I miss those ways
When I got lost in fantasies
In a cartoon land of mysteries
In a place you wont grow old, In a place you wont feel cold
And I’ll sing

Da da da da da da Da da da da
Seems im lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da Da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da Da da da da
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don’t let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Do you remember when you were 15?
And the kids at school called you a fool 'cause you took the chance to dream
In the time that’s passed and the one thing that will last
Is that same old song that we played along that made my daddy cry

I miss those days and I miss those ways
When I got lost in fantasies
In a cartoon land of mysteries
In a place you wont grow old, in a place you wont feel cold

Da da da da da da Da da da da
Seems im lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da Da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da Da da da da
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don’t let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Under my feelings, under my skin
Under the thoughts from within
Learning the subtext of the mind
See creation, how we’re defined

My innocent eyes

I miss those days and I miss those ways
When I got lost in fantasies
In a cartoon land of mysteries
In a place you wont grow old, in a place you wont feel cold

Da da da da da da Da da da da
Seems im lost in my reflection
Da da da da da da Da da da da
Find a star for my direction
Da da da da da da Da da da da
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don’t let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Da da da da da da Da da da da
Faith and innocent eyes

Faith and innocent eyes
For the little girl inside who wont just hide
Don’t let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ive seen enough to know that you either survive for yourself or you dont survive at all.
no one will look after you, you only have yourself to depend on.
sincerity is but a huge sandcastle which crumbles when the waves wash it over
love is but a beautiful rainbow that is just as real as it can be touched.
faith is but a glass of water you use to put out a raging fire.
dreams are drugs you get hooked on to escape reality
lies and hurt are all that you will recieve if you give your heart away.

in conclusion, be selfish, be unscrupulous, be ruthless, be hypocritical, be wicked. the world revolves around you. strike or you will be struck. kill or die








i rather die.

my head is getting very heavy. its so heavy and i dont have the strength to lift the weight.

its too heavy

NEVER EVER

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find

My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate

I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah

Vexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling
won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right

I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more

I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah

Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4

You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know

You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know

You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

from now on, i'll never trust anyone.

life's a mess. but im glad its the holidays, the past few days at home was mundane but at least i was kind of happy. yea, been really busy taking over dinner cooking, but i enjoy it, hanging out with mum at home is nice too.

actually its kind of refreshing. especially when i cook breakfast for everyone. hahahas.

i miss this kind of stress free, problem free life. when everything's simple and sweet. abit boring but strangely refreshing as well.

sadly it isnt going to last long

im still plagued by those horrendous memories, those seemingly endless problems. i want to find a way out of this, i want to smile again. i want to be happy. im not asking too much am i?

anyway.

i find old people very soothing. whenever i sit on the train, if theres an old lady beside me, i'll always feel calm and happy. hahas, so wierd right? but they just have this simple, this pure and uncomplicated aura around them. and it just feels so nice.

lol. im kind of wierd lah.

replies

yang: hahahas, okayy, that love thing is who say one? quite cheem lehh.. hahas. im still not sure lehh. ahahas, thanks for always coming, and for all the encouragement, it helps. alot. tyvm X) catch up sooon!!

sophie: hahahahas, yea, chinese, but easier said than done. im not that strong. so i cant do it. and its a cheem text. wahahahahas, cya arnd!!! and what happen to our mugging plan?? loll

passerby: hellooo, i think maybe i should talk to someone after all. but will it help? my problems wont disappear by talking. but i guess is worth a try. yups

yanz: hEYY, ahahhas yahh!! so long nv talk liao!! and meet! ahahhas, really arh?? i tot they broke up liao. ahahahhas. but its nice to see them tgth though, quite a cute couple. ahhas you take care too!! miss ya as well!! haahas, cya some time soon!!

end replies

ratatouille is nice. catch it. really good.

realized i miss my PJ friends very much. you guys always manage to make me forget my problems, and we have so much fun together and we laugh and craze around. thanks alot. i really needed that short break.

there are just things that i cant deal with. and it doesnt help when no one understands. of course its no one's problem that they dont. i shouldnt seek to be understood anyway. but im just saying, it doesnt help.

mum and dad, you have your problems, i understand. i really do. i am aware of your problems and stress, your difficulties at work, financial constraints.. everything. but from your perspective, can the both of you try to understand me as well? maybe compared to the both of you, my problems may be trivial but still, they are problems nonetheless.

you dont see me giving you added pressure do you?

ahh, but you wont see this anyway. so yeah. im just voicing out my frustrations to a blog. lol. maybe to god. yea.

im going to forget you.