lets see, today's the last day of the year and i have a ton of things left undone. things like smses which i havent replied to while i was in US, update my blog about my trip(which im doing now), holiday homework which i havent touched, tuition schedule yet to be arranged... and so on

okay, so i loved the US, still do and will keep loving it i suppose. even if i were to exclude the crazy shopping that would have never been possible in sg, i would love it just a little less. haha. really, the things they sell at the factory outlets are DIRT CHEAP. and with the christmas sales and all, i just went crazy buying clothes.

i think i bought more than 20 tops and about 3 bottoms. bottoms are really hard to find there cause their sizes are so BIG and long. and they dont seem to fancy slim and skinny fit. im not really into presenting myself in a fatter image than what im already potraying.

haha, you can ask me more about my shopping experience when you see me. i'll be more than glad to reveal my spoils and relate the awesome time i had.

disneyland and universal studios make escape seem like... haha.

another thing i liked about US was the people, even if i was feeling a little inferior at times. i mean talk about courtesy and friendliness. they keep asking how are you and how's your day and stuff. making sure you're thoroughly well serviced and sastisfied all the time. unlike sg, which runs on a unless you can make my day you better just get lost or i'll make a rude sign at you way of life.

and no they dont use vulgarities much here contrary to popular belief.

and being in the US made me realized my english is horrible sub-standard. and i hate singlish even if its suppose to be sg's unique culture. i suppose im the worst, most ungrateful citizen sg has ever had. more reason to hate me i guess. lol

i really like my stay in US and im even contemplating going over for extended stays, maybe overseas studying.

maybe its just a temporary infatuation and i'll just realise my love for sg sometime. but until then im keeping my options open.

okay, so im back.

time to adjust back to reality.

i missed my friends real bad though and so far only lichu knows im back cause she needs her haircut badly. lol.

cant adjust myself to the timezone here.

i miss the US

shit, i think i forgot to include many other things i wanted to talk about, so here's an extension to this already, pretty long post.

for the first time in my life, i had a white christmas! even if it was spent on the bus looking at magnificent mountains, snow caps and frozen cows. it was still a white christmas nonetheless. there wasnt no countdown or huge jingle bells playing whatsoever though. in fact there was hardly any christmas atmosphere.

i guess the christmas spirit manifested in the shops, on huge signs saying "take a further 50% off the lowest price stated". which suffice to say, WORKS FOR ME. HOHOHO

and btw the grand canyon is a huge rip-off. no wonder they called it a wonder, i wonder how it ever became a wonder. oh, look at my repititive effect. haha. but seriously, all i saw was mist and fog. forcibly you could say it has some sort of a mysterious effect, i however, will insist its a RIP-OFF.

i took nearly all the rides at universal studios which wasnt really thrilling really. disneyland rides were juat plain showy and had impossible queues.

right, i think thats all i have to say. vegas was beautiful.

so HAPPY NEW YEAR PPL. its going to be 2009 real soon.

im taking a very long time with the christmas cards. and its quite idiotic to give them out only after christmas. the irritating poser full stop is on my screen again. i cant be bothered to wipe it away.

where was i? oh christmas. i hate not being able to spend it at some bbq with my friends, my only comfort, i just might have a white christmas.

im not done packing with all the toiletries and psp stuff.

im dreading the 18 hours flight. its way too long and i bet when i ask for tomato sauce, they'll just say: "what do you think this is? a restaurant?" again. f them. i hope i sleep most of the hours away.

the tour guide said its going to be cold. i hate cold because i hate wearing long johns. and you wonder why you call those gross inner wear long john and not long ben. HAHA

i hope the fish in my room doesnt die.

honestly im abit afraid of the plane crashing or worst, being hijacked. very scary. i think i'll pack my bible.

i really will miss everyone here.

merry christmas everyone. (:

im leaving in 2 days time. i've got more than 10 tops in my lugagge and im wondering if im being a wee bit kiasu. haha.

i cant wait to be in disneyland! i cant wait to be at universal studios! suddenly im all excited about the US trip. even if i have to leave all my friends behind for christmas. i'll really miss them.

and kell and darren, good luck with your retests!

ARGH.

im feeling very disorientated. the excitement and regret makes me wanna hurl.

lol.

i love grandpa. hahaha, i just had to say that.

i'll pray for your retribution, you good for nothing, son of a bitch. and yes this is a personal attack because you're one hell of a fugly, you pathetic bastard. so give up your antics because the only reason you're able to get hitched is because you bear the uncanny resemblance to that monstrous t-rex which ppl find awesome to gawk and secretly laugh at.

and to your blind, bimbotic, brainless, bitchy, beau. HALLELUJAH!

shit.

haha. i dont usually do this but since its a special circumstance, i guess its okay. besides nothing i said is untrue anyway.

but that aside, yesterday has got to be one of the best and luckiest days i've ever had. it was so great it seemed surreal. thanks erika and yizhen for the fantabulous day ever.

who says escape is boring. it is but not when you have the right ppl to play with.

thank god. and grandpa

ive been spending loads of time with my cousins lately and i cant say i dont enjoy it. but the idea of that happening just never occured to me. i guess i have grandpa to thank. so thank you. and thank you Lord.

went for church service yesterday. and even if everything was in hokien, im glad i was able to finally get to a church. wonderful. and the most impossible thing happened when my mum actually said she is beginning to believe in God, esp after the wake and funeral. i guess god's love works in really wondrous and weird ways. hahaha.

grandpa's temporary tomb is ugly. really. hahaha. i'll be glad to see the proper tomb being erected.

i cant wait for tuesday. esp since i have permission now. hoho.

and i havent finished all my christmas cards. jialat.

shinee was in THAILAND. which means they were about 5 hours away from me. HOW CAN THAT BE. and i didnt know. and i thought thailand was suppose to be real dangerous now, why are they there? come to singapore!! where its safe and where i can see you!

HAHAHA


and shineesubs is back!

gone are the days of depravation. GONE

i shall devote all my time to catching up on the videos.

it was the laokui's reunion today, hahaha. i cant say how much ive missed them. the laughter, jokes and everything funny. of course our most famous laokui-ing. dont know what i'll do without them.

and its been ages since i last saw the usuals too.

thanks ff for going christmas shopping with me today. it was really sastisfying doing retail therapy and im sorry if you followed me around without getting anything. i'll treat you to a lunch buffet someday. woah. hahaha

i really blown every last cent. if i do go to escape next week, i'll sneak in thru some sewer hole. does singapore have them? no? then maybe pipes? shit no, i'll just cause a nationwide chokage. and be charged for being too fat and stuffing the waterways up

okok, what im trying to say is i have no money and im fat.

so much for beating around the bush.

hahaha

im pissed cause i typed my post halfway and it deleted itself.

fuck.

urgh, okay i'll type again

i spent alot of money today.

i feel stupid cause i actually typed this alr. but actually if i didnt say, no one would actually know. shit.

and there's this comma that refuses to be backspaced. and i press it alot of times alr. oh its dirt. shit.

eh but im not as blur as ff

benj# grandpa's boy
relax
benj# grandpa's boy
and repeat after me
❤ yizhen
omg
❤ yizhen
omg
❤ yizhen
omg
benj# grandpa's boy
hello
❤ yizhen
hello
benj# grandpa's boy
im
❤ yizhen
im
benj# grandpa's boy
stupid
❤ yizhen
stupid

HAHAHAHAHA

kboxed today with the gang. and its been ages since i last saw them and being with them is still like old times. i think there's this really special thing about us meeting in once in a blue moon but acting like we saw each other everyday.

its nice

spent a bomb on psp and ps2 stuff in msia yesterday. and i spent 100 dollars on my brother's and sister's christmas presents. so now i feel like a pauper, not that its any different from other days. but its worse now, im like a poor penniless pauper. wow, the alliteration.

i think my sister can be a real bitch sometimes. she really gets on my nerves and sits on them all day long. which is really irritating really. but then again, i guess all siblings will tend to infuriate one another. i should really control my temper.

i miss my class. i miss how we are always looking for places to eat after school. and most of all, i miss friday cartels. i dont miss school though. in fact i wish sch was gone, burnt to crisp in some fire or something and do us all a favour

dear grandpa, mum and aunt are still always in tears when they think about you. can you do something to lessen their grief?

dear god, oo, haha, thank you for answering my prayer. i didnt agree with the suppose to payback thing though.

spent the entire day out with my family today. i tried being a little more jovial and reasonable. and i guess it worked out kinda okay. went to visit grandma as usual and i actually wished she was staying with us.

im sure that would make you happy grandpa.

i still havent gotten my mum a birthday gift and there are tons of christmas presents that i havent bought. hey ff are you free to go get them?

there's a stack of christmas cards awaiting me so i better get started.

dear grandpa, grandma asked me if you came to visit me cause you met her in her dreams. but i know thats only cause she isnt christian and she doesnt understand im always communicating with you still

dear god, i still wished i was closer to you. and please make me go to church.

The rules and regulations:
Each player starts off with 10 weird things about/habit/little known facts.
Tag 10 people.

1. I hate myself, but its not a little known fact is it?
2. I like standing at the balcony when there's a thunderstorm and feel the wind and rain hit my face.
3. I think sleep is a waste of time even if i sleep a lot
4. I hate using my brains.
5. I sometimes pretend im a star(not literally).
6. I dont believe in more than one romance.
7. I think i can feel supernatural beings.
8. I always imagine a situation in which i have to jump in front of someone to save them from a bullet. but its always, "aiya, see how la"
9. I remember things from very long ago but cant rmb what i had for lunch this aft.
10.I actually did this because im so into my blog now i just wanna post and post and post. shh



yings: haha, are you sure its that funny? or do you just have a weird sense of humour? but im glad you found it entertaining. (:

naz: hey you! i never got a chance to see you. my fault sorry. and yes i miss you too. i'll send you an email soon!

yizhen: lol somehow i knew you were going to say that. anyway, haha you are the best ff ever too who keeps having the delusion that you're fat. so actually you're a tf(thin friend). lol. thanks, i think im okay.

yang: thanks auntie, i always knew you were watching my back. yup, im sure the both of them mut be complaining about how naughty we were back then. hahaha. and thanks, i'm just glad to know he's in heaven.

yeah, im not exactly sure why i made my blog a private one.

its just a mood thing i guess

or maybe i just no longer see a need to express myself to others but rather a need to reorganize and make sense of my own thoughts.

and i would like to type what i really feel instead of paraphrasing and euphemising everything.

there's this thing about sincerity that encompasses tactlessness and honesty, sometimes, i think.

haha.

i never thought blogger pre-loaded skins were so appealing. there's something really enticing about simplicity. i think its suppose to reflect my some subconcious desire for things to be simplified and all that jibberjabber. haha

and to those who still take time to read this blog, thanks for willing to listen to the incessant ravings of a not so okay person. lol. and sorry i dont know how to stick the old tagboard here so you'll have to make do with the comments function

dear grandpa, having you in heaven makes me feel very safe because i know you are there watching over me. somehow i feel even closer to you than before. thank god. and thank you. (:

dear god, i wish i was closer to you.

because im in a foul mood and i need to release my pent-up frustrations,

i shall give flirts/assholes a piece of my mind.

DAMN you.
and have a happy life filled with shit and all things nasty.
when you walk you step on stool
when you run you stumble and fall
when you sleep you drown in your own drool
anything you do, may disaster and misfortune fall
upon you.

ah what a delightful way to channel negative energy.

wouldnt you agree ff? hahaha.

i think i need to keep my temper in check.

so its been 5 days since grandpa passed away. attempting to describe the sorrow i feel would be futile so i wont.

but i know i will miss him for the longest time. knowing that he will no longer be a part of my life really makes me upset. and i feel guilty for grumbling about how we have to visit my grandparents' home every saturday. for not appreciating the grandparent that i've always admired in those storybooks who dote on their grandchildren like nobodys business, because he did.

i find myself loved by the dozens but find myself reciprocating nothing.
but lets not make this about me.

so here's my final tribute to ah gong, for being the most endearing, wonderful, amazing and cute grandfather of mine. i love you. very much. and i hope that you will enjoy the rest of eternity with god in heaven. you deserve it.

i miss you.