it was such a beautiful dream.

i wish i never had to wake.

im finding it hard to keep it all inside. ):

i think it was the pineapple and macdonald's chicken combo like what erika said. until now my stomach is churning and i've been to the toilet 12 times in the past 12 hours. hopefully the doctor can give me some miracle medicine that will make me recover instaneously.

i'll take things one step at a time.

hey yizhen, if you can, lets talk soon ok?

same-o same-o

i go to school, drown myself in all the work in an attempt to hide all the hurt. my hand aches from all the recent hw ive been trying to do. my head aches from all the thinking involved.

you know what, i never knew hw was so tough.

my math tuition teacher is suppose to be coming and helping me with more work. yes, he's coming already.

i hate myself for being a coward. to be so afraid to own up to my problems, one and all. and to resort to what i feel is the most distasteful thing in my life makes me hate myself even more. seriously HW??

i dont know what ive become. facade or truth? i begin to lose consciousness.

maybe the world hasnt changed, i did.

or was the world so cruel and dark all along. and i was always the selfish and self absorbed one from the very beginning.

maybe, i think so.

suddenly all the good things in this world seems to have come to a standstill. at least in my life it has.

i dont know if im giving everyone too much of a hard time with all my health conditions but im starting to feel like im miles apart from everyone.

and what saddens me most is the fact that i cant speak to what ive come in time to realize, one of the best friend i could ever have. and yet it seems almost as if we are strangers. it really tears me up inside.

and yet i have to pretend like it doesnt bother me in the least and keep telling mself to just give it time.

life doesnt seem worth living. not in the least.

all the same life moves one and i wont kill myself because im afraid, because its against god and because i think i wont have to wait long anyway.

but all the same, i didnt expect to lose my friends around me.

and so what if im crying my heart out. it doesnt make me a loser.

AGES is the right word to use here. its been too long since i last blogged, way too long. but so much has suddenly been happening in my life, i guess its okay to take a little time to sort it out and hmm... just reflect.

and after a long time of pondering, thinking, considering, imagining and sometimes crying. i decided to just take things easy. even if im not meant for this world and in dont mean that in a figurative sense, im just going to live out my life as much as possible.

im going to try anyway.

i just wanna apologise to my friends who ive made life so difficult for one way or another.