Benj-

suddenly all the good things in this world seems to have come to a standstill. at least in my life it has.

i dont know if im giving everyone too much of a hard time with all my health conditions but im starting to feel like im miles apart from everyone.

and what saddens me most is the fact that i cant speak to what ive come in time to realize, one of the best friend i could ever have. and yet it seems almost as if we are strangers. it really tears me up inside.

and yet i have to pretend like it doesnt bother me in the least and keep telling mself to just give it time.

life doesnt seem worth living. not in the least.

all the same life moves one and i wont kill myself because im afraid, because its against god and because i think i wont have to wait long anyway.

but all the same, i didnt expect to lose my friends around me.

and so what if im crying my heart out. it doesnt make me a loser.