Benj-

fortunately or unfortunately, i am NOT dead. it is in all ways NOT a blessing and till date, this very moment, i wish i wasnt alive.

i really want to apologise to those who really care and have been there to encourage me and push me on. but im really sorry, because i no longer feel anything except a really hollow feeling. if im not feeling empty, im feeling upset. not a great way to keep living

right now the word to describe me is desperate, im really desperate, either for a miracle to happen or for me to just pass away.

anyway, im no longer sad over the past events that occured to me, im over it, but undeniably it has destroyed me, i feel my heart slipping away, i feel myself slipping away. from crying to relieve my pain, to insanity to hide from my suffering, and finally losing my heart all together. i cant even call myself benjamin anymore, cause i no longer noe wad i am.

the greatest death that can occur, is death of the heart, to be devoid of emotions, devoid of love, care and concern. and thats what im experiencing now, and it really hurts so much, because all my life, my purpose was to bring happiness and love into the life of others, but now, i cant. and i cant even bring myself to love people now and it feels really terrible

and i dun wan my heart to die, so b4 i really lose myself, i wna move on.

i really really want to move on. i really wish suicide wasnt a sin, but i alr feel temptation to attempt the horrifyingly wrong.

i rather die den become something else.

and deep in my heart, i noe i can nv be wad i use to be.

so my lord, im really beggin you, plz take me away. im tired of pretending. so end it for me. plz.

im really sorry, cheryl, siokxin, clara, syaf, u guys have awaez been there for me, but right now, i only want to leave. i hope u all understand. and siokxin, hahas, tht ben that use to sing with u, i think hes gone.