Benj-

it was tiring, i was realli tired, my head was in pain, my throat was burning... but in de end i guess it was worth it... i noe it was...

i hold on to smth dat i noe isnt gg to happen, i hold on so tightly, i nv want to let it go, i wudnt even dream of it... it was ok at firz, i told myself, i cud hold on... but as time passes, it seems more and more lyk a impossible dream, one dat no matter how hard i reach...

.....will never be

it felt so nice to hear dem, but sumhw i knew they werent meant for me... and i guess, i nv shud hv persistd in this illogical dream, but since when was i logical? mine whole life has been one dat is most illogical, moz unrealistic, so idealistic... and yet i nv regreted how i lived it

its juz dat sumtimes de most illogical things hurt de most, and its realli hard for me to want to try and move on... i can try, but things will nv be de same, every one changes me frm bad to worst, i lose a part of myself with each misfortune.. how many parts are there left of me to lose?

im sad bcoz my dream is comin to an end, its lyk a alarm, waitin to ring, indicating de end of another illogical part of my life.... i can snooze de alarm as many times as i wan, but it will onli mean a prolonged time of suffering...

its funnie, nth happend, no sad thing, no bad thing or watsoever... dats probably why im feelin dis way, i cant go on wifout knowin, i cant go on wifout an answer, i hv nth more to reassure myself...

a dead end....

it can mean 3 things,

firz, i hv to go back frm whence i came, retrace my steps and hope to find an answer while moving backwards

2nd, i hv to find a wae beyond a dead end, and hope dat wad lies beyond is wad im searching for

3rd, i alr found the answer, its juz dat i cant see it... mayb i no longer hv to move animore, i hv found wad im lookin for

hahas, i dunno which is it, and wad is emant for me, right now, i'll just move, one step at a time, and hope de answer comes to me...

wad now? [benj]