Benj-

been realli unable to smile during the weekends... someone rly pissed me off big time.. but i guez its my own fault for showing attitude... man its realli hard gettin a grip.. how do i stop myself from being mad???

countin frm 1 - 10 doesnt help, tried it and it made me breathless, i guez i realli hv to learn to be patient and understandin.. man i rly suck.. my emotions are runnin so amok and its soo hard to control. feel lyk im becomin de old me again, sarcastic and cynical.. ooo i rly nd to excercise self control

my lord, i really really really need ur help.. i nd u to hlp me be patient, to learn betta how to have keep my emotions under check. i dun want to be able to hate i dun want to be able to feel anger, dis are feelins that will benefit none... but sumtimes making ppl happi means givin up my own.. i dun mind, i rly dun mind, juz dun let me sink into dat bottomless pit of sorrow again, if not i wun be able to create happiness animore..

i also want to seek ur forgiveness, till now, i have not brought a single one to ur love.. but im still not gg to preach and force ppl to convert, dat is not the way, yes it will save dem frm hell but it wun make them love u, im sure wad u want are believers not puppets.. wrk ur way into their hearts wif love and hope as u had to me. i believe dat is de true way.

i wonder how i can take a step furthur in lovin and making ppl happi.. and i also nd hlp lovin ppl who are not so ez to love... i tired, but its so hard. i dun want to be an empty vessal dat makes a lot of noise but take no actions. i muz wrk harder to make people laugh and smile, hmm i wonder why i juz love it when ppl do, it rly makes life beautiful and meaninful..

i realize i nd others for me to work properly, when i see people frown or unhappy, i get affected as well and i become rly moody, i rly need ppl to smile for me to wrk. why do my parents awaez frown, its gettin realli hard to be wif them. im glad moz of my frens are smilin, and to those hu dun, hope i can put one on ur face. thank u my frens for providin me wif the strength i need.. tankew alls!!!!!

loves!!! [aollovin]