Benj-

todae.. chem prelim prac.. one word to describe. dead. i rly did veri badly.. i din do 13 marks wrth of questions.. i left them all blank.. and also my table of values.. ALL WRONG!!.. i think i can kiss my chem prac goodbye.. as well as my A1 for my chem.. im so damned pissed lah.. its nt lyk as if i din try.. but the bludy paper was so damn long.. SIX TITRATIONS!!!! normalli in de lab i onli did 2 at most.. and now 6 BLOODY TITRATIONS.. i hate chem prac.. and i think de school shud nt set smth so out of de blue.. yah i noe it boils down to our techniques and concepts.. and honestli i dun suck at mole concept lah.. budden de paper was so damn.. UNEXPECTED.. and dats puttin it nicely lah.. im nt angry wif de paper, im just angry coz my chances of A1 for chem has just dropped to a all time low percentage.. feel lyk cryin man

yest.. night.. was just plain awful.. i got a feelin i noe why.. i guess its lyk all my fault lah.. sumtimes i juz take things too hard.. i pour myself in too quickly.. and when i realised it.. its too late to pull back out.. in de end, it just hurts everyone..
why cant i be less self centered.. i dun wan to awaez think of how to prevent myself frm being unhappi, i want to make others happi.. i want to!! but i cant.. becoz i can never fulli relinquish my hold on my happiness.. i still lyk being happi.. i hate dat..
but sumtimes i manage to do it.. but den another prob is dat when i giv, i also expect smth. i cnt make myself sumone whu rly loves wifout nd of reciprocation.. i lyk to feel loved.. i lyk to be cared for.. i do!! why??!!! why cant i juz giv wifout askin.. giv wifout hestation, giv happily..

haha.. i guess its onli coz im human.. it takes time to slowly learn and not an overnight change.. i guess i shud be patient.. life is nv one straight line.. there will be times when it seems dark.. times when its realli bright.. i guez take things as they come lor.. wad i hv power over.. i try to change to suit others. wad i dun hv power over.. i guez i shud learn to accept..

my lord, ure awaez watchin over me.. and u awaez giv me chances to redeem myself, but when i fail, u punish me wif sadness and pain which i self inflict.. budden, u awaez come bck to show me de light, to forgive me and den to make me undst.. that is why i love u.. that is why no matter how i awaez come bck to u.. ur love is de path i walk on in which i nv walk alone.. and my friends are de streetlights whom u plact to bring light to my life and my family are torches which i carry and awaez there when i nd them.. gentle yet firm.. ure more den family to me.. and i do so love u!!!

LOVES!!! [aollovin]