Benj-

i wonder when can i eva find de happiness i lost... now i question myself whether i did de right thing b4... but since i hv alr lost it.. might as well try gettin over it.. sighs

dearest frens hu have awaez been there for me, i thank u all veri much.. all of u make my life so much easier to live and i feel realli blessed.. but sadly i cannot giv anithin in return to all of u.. and for dat i feel ashamed.. but there is nth i have dat i can offer... all i can do is pray and take comfort in knowing dat de lord will answer my prayers...

dearest lord, i do so love u, but right now i feel realli distanced from u.. i no longer noe de right things to do.. within me a battle of my own happiness and the happiness of others rages and i cannot do anithin about it.. i can nv be so selfless to sacrifice all i hv for others... but i want to.. im realli torn in between doing the right thing and the easy thing... i can awaez give up and care juz for myself.. but i cant do that, but neither can i sae i give up all i have for others... wad am i supposed to do??

dearest family, i thank u for simply being there.. though i may not show it, i still do love all of u.. its just de recent spates of events have left me helpless and weak.. i no longer hv the strength to put up a farce at home. i cant pretend to be happi... so forgive me.

my dearest new memb of de family, i do noe dat i love u veri much, and as an elder brother all i want is for u to be happi, but i no longer trust myself to even help u.. im afraid that u will lose ur happiness but im also afraid to lose u.. if u can, tell me wad i shud do.. how do i choose?

dearest me, can u please find the positivity u once held, the energy and strength to smile so dat others can fell happi around u.. can u please find the faith that u once held so strong, the belief dat everything is wonderful and worth loving. please piece ur dreams and hopes together again, please start laughing, smiling, loving, dreaming, believing, hoping.. please please please please..

please and dearests [aollovin]