DEAREST LORD; FRIENDS & FAMILY


Sunday, October 01, 2006



why do i still feel lyk im lost?? i dun undst... i thought i made my choice.. but still its lyk im hovering in between spaces.. and i dunno which way is right... my lord wad are u tryin to tell me.. i realli dunno wad u want me to noe.. did i make de wrong decision, or is dis ur punishment for me?

i feel lyk ive lost everything.. lyk i hv nth that trueli is mine, i lost a part of me and i dunno where to find it.. where are my hopes?? where are my dreams?? where is my love?? have i realli lost everything i held dear to me??

swimmin endlessly in dis ocean of darkness.. there are no lights around.. there isnt a lifeline which i can hold on to.. theres nobody around, i hear whispers dat come from de endless silence, teelin me to give up.. all im holdin on to is de smiles ppl gave me b4.. de happiness i hv felt b4, the feelin of being so loved.. but its fadin away.. i feel myself struggling to keep my head above de water.. im tired.. im just plain tired... how long more till i sink beneath it all? where is de warmth my heart seeks? where is de voice dat pulls me back? wheres de lifeline to guide me back to safety? where are de smiles i love to see, the laughter i delight in hearing? drowning...

ive been fighting so long, both against de cruelty of de harsh reality and de cold evil selfishness in my heart to believe i can bring joy to people hu weep. but my defenses fall and ebb slowly.. it wun be long b4 i change to protect myself from furthur hurt... wad kind of monster will i become???

drowning [aollovin]

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