Benj-

today is one of the most unlucky day ever.

1st, its naz's last day of school. omg. i dont want to talk about it. but at least i have quite a few photos. i really dont want to talk about it. its far too upsetting to even think about it.

2nd, a really sick person who should be given a punishment for doing such a perverted thing.

3rd, someone stole my phone. its really unfair, how come the wicked go unpunished, and i have to lose my phone. okay, im just expressing my frustrations, i dont blame anyone but myself. its my own carelessness. but all the same, i always believed people would be honest. but im not going to let this incident change my belief. i believe people are still good by nature. i should be the one blamed cause i tempt people. so yea, its my fault.

anyway, i had no idea my emotional state had such a great effect on my friends, i really had no idea, and im really sorry, i really want to apologise for having you guys put up with my nonsense. and naz asked where was the cheerful ben that she knew.. hahas, i cant let her down. yea, wheres the ben that i use to know too..?

and then i want to apologise to someone, for being as asshole. i cant tell it to you cause its super awkward, so im doing it here. no matter what, acting like a jerk is wrong anyway, and i owe you an apology.

phileo, love between friends

i feel cheap, especially after what siokxin and edwina told me. im like so.. disgusting. yah. hmms. im not sure, but i wouldnt have rather i continued loving, maybe i sound really selfish, but truth is, i dont want to hurt anymore. because i believe if i never loved, i would never hurt. and i really took a long time trying to forget that love for my friend. i know some may say that if its so easily forgotten, then it was like a damn pathetic and fake sort of love, but when it comes to a point when your life is tied to it, you have to get out of it, i had to forget it somehow.

i guess i sound like im damn disgusting and selfish. i guess thats what i am then. i abhor myself for doing that, i abhor myself for placing myself before others, i abhor myself for being so cheap. but the moment i think about how painful it was during that period of time, and how close i was to suicide, i just.. i just dont care anymore.

i no longer believe in such things as a best friend. there are real friends, true friends who stick with you till the end, and i must have been blind to not have seen that. and these are the people i truely love. and will never ever forget. and naz, no matter how long or how far.. we will always be the best of friends!!! okok??!!

i appreciate i have such a nice teacher. hahas. yups.

ahhh.. in a nutshell, im so suay today, i feel damn cheap and disgusting, and i dont want to see naz go.

i miss you god. im glad you're back in my life.

lots and lots of photos. i shall upload them asap.

dbsk... loving you... omg.. im in a liquid state now, freeze me back..