Benj-

i guess i can trace all the blame back to myself in the end. but all the same it hurts to be played around like a toy. i am after all only human, i have feelings, i hurt as well. so it doesn't help when you blow hot and cold, it doesn't help when i become a ride you get on and off whenever you please.

i'm not grousing nor am i regretting anything. i like seeing you happy, all of you for that matter, so sometimes it's okay to be a toy. but i can't be just a plaything twenty four seven. in the end, i will break.

i simply feel so tired, so drained and so exhausted.

but then again, i'm sure everyone wil trace the fault back to me someway somehow. that's the way it always has been. and always will be.

god, i feel so ...

fucked up.

i think i nearly hyperventilated. it's disappointment, anger and sadness all occuring simultaneously. you don't need a death note to kill me after all. i think a heart attack is bound to happen sooner or later