Benj-

so the feeling of loss and despair slowly fades away as i distance myself further and further away.

do i have low self esteem? i think not. i think having little confidence in oneself is very different from facing certain truths in life. i think the worst of myself but i'm not a pessimist, in fact, i'm an optimist. i see things in a very optimstic light. yes i run myself down all the time, i think i'm like the most pathetic useless creature in the whole wide world.

NOT because i like it. it's because i see no reason in exalting myself, raising myself so high above others your nostrils take over your sight duty. and besides, since people like to feel high and mighty, you definitely need people "lower" than you. so why not me, since i don't enjoy the feeling of being glorified etc etc.

i don't like to think about myself because i'm trying very hard to avoid being self centered. something i'm very prone and vulnerable to. why care about myself when there are thrillions of other things to care about?

i don't make money a big deal because i think money is the least impt thing in life. NOT because i'm rich. I AM NOT. and i'm telling you in all truth that i found out that my dad is earning only a average four figure salary. IT IS NOT some astronomical sum that you can't calculate with that pocket size calculator, contrary to many beliefs. but so? that doesn't mean have to scrimp and save right? if i can buy just that brief momentary moment of happiness for someone else. THEN WHY NOT?

you know what, i can go on grousing for all eternity, but i won't. there will always be people who will think i'm insane. and that i need psychological help. i'm used to it already. even my parents think i'm out of my mind, so why shouldn't others.

maybe i just need to seperate myself from the rest of this world.


吃饭吃到睡了
我开车开到了傻了
我看书看到你了
开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了
我写歌写到了疯了
我爱你爱到盲了
天知道我又怎么了
不舍得 舍不得 都分手了
舍不道 不舍得 散了
爱是你的
我是我的 完了
原来我只是突然累了
原来我不说了
原来我撑着
撑到麻了
原来我不爱了
吃饭吃到睡了
我开车开到了傻了
我看书看到你了
开始怀疑我怎么了
说话说到吐了
我写歌写到了疯了
我爱你爱到盲了
天知道我又怎么了
不舍得 舍不得 都分手了
舍不得 不舍得 散了
原来我只是突然累了
原来我不说了
原来我撑着
撑到麻了
原来我不爱了
原来我只是突然累了
原来我不说了
原来我撑着
撑到麻了
原来我不爱了
DA LA....
原来我不说了
原来我撑着
撑到麻了
原来我不爱了

是, 我突然累了