Benj-

do this. do that.
what am i? your dog?

sometimes it seems like the world knows i have a f'ed up issue about guilt and giving in. its like everyone knows that im easily taken advantage of and easy to bully into doing things.

that is a problem.

i need to fight for my own rights and what i want. why should i always be the one giving in just because i care about what you feel? it is not my problem that ure unhappy you know. deal with it la. why should i be the one having to deal with you inept excesses. you're weak? its your own freaking problem.

you want a freaking dog that requires me to sacrifice 3 mths of my weekend?
i dont think so.
you want me to help out with the house when i already work 6 days a week?
no.

all you guys ever do is proclaim how much u've done, how tired you are, how much effort you put in, blah blah blah. seriously, find someone who cares. because im sick and tired of you guys doing it to me.

i have a job. and it involves getting stressed and doing alot of work. but i do it because im expected to. im the eldest in the family and therefore that means taking on more burden and responsibilities in the family. fine. i accept that because i have to. because it is MY JOB.

so if its your job to worry about finances, your job to make sure the house turns out right, your job to worry about the well being of the family, you jolly well freaking do it because its YOUR JOB! if you cant deal with it, then you better reflect and think twice before biting off more than you can chew. and thereafter expecting the entire world to understand, to emphatize and to help. because if ure naive enough to think that by doing your job everyone is indebted to you, you better get a reality check.

i have a family and i love it.
but you know. when your own family takes adv of your good nature, its probably one of those times you hate it you wna smack everyones' head off.

im boiling now. and i know that in the end, i'll get over it.

but right now i need to vent and before i scream into your face i better do it into a blog. cool off, chill and think things over.

God, you need to help me with my anger management pls before i explode one day and yell at my parents to f off. and i really dont want to do that.

i think the reason why im so angry is partly because i know im at fault too but im simply too proud and too stubborn to admit it.

see, i knew i'd always give in. its just me.

now i feel like crying. wtf.