Benj-

hello. its time to emo again.

hahas its been a really long time since i last emoed ok? im due for one alr. hahahas, what rubbish right?

life's really a stinking pile of socks now.. what a wierd analogy but i dont care. because life STINKS!! and it stinks to the highest of heavens!!

im not myself anymore. i tried my hardest not to change, not to be someone who lives for myself but for others. but in the end, it still happened, it wasnt inevitable, it was just hard to resist change.

oh lord grant me strength to find myself again, please give me back patience, compassion, sensitivity, kindness, selflessness... i dont want to be this empty shell, devoid of emotions. i want to care, i want to care for everyone. why deprive me of that? why take away who i tried so hard to be.

maybe you didnt take them away. i simply didnt believe in them anymore.

i want to be ben again. i dont want to be this bloody asshole. i dont want to be a freaking jerk.

i hate myself. period.

ahh maybe i'll just find a bottomless pit and jump in.

i should just eat shit and die.. yah

ahhh whatever.