Benj-

woke up with a horrendous headache today. thanks head. i feel so great now.. well done head, well done.

now i missed math consultation. shit it.
along with my history retest.
wtf.

an old song. but still sad all the same.

[Verse 1 - Aundrea]
Lately, I've been tryna fight whatever's pulling us under
it's got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby
Baby tell me:
Maybe I'm foolishly overreacting
But being without you I can't imagine
It's just to close to the heart and
And I won't stand it if were broken apart

[Chorus - Group]
Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

[Verse 2 - Dawn]
We've been cutting it close with the backwards & forwards
It's rocking the boat; we gotta get control of this
Let's take it back to three years ago
When you said that we could make it through whatever, ever
And to me it sounded like you meant forever, ever
Leaving was not an option, baby, never, never
Now don't you believe in a love that's worth a fight
In you is everything that I'm missing
So give us a chance

[Chorus]
Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

[Verse 3 - D. Woods]
Don't you dare tell me we gotta let it go...
We been on top for too long just to let it go under
I don't wanna hear that
I just can't hear that
and know
Wherever you wanna take me
I'll go
I been with you for too long to start over with another
I know that you hear me
Just tell me you hear me

[Chorus]
Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby
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why do things hurt so much sometimes? why do i give my feelings so easily and always end up with nothing but hurt.

yah, i wish i wasnt emo too. maybe if i was a cold blooded animal, then hey yea, i wont. good idea there huh? definitely worth thinking over.

ahh shit everything lah. im sick of whatever F*** is going on in my life. heck who isnt? i aint the only one suffering, but somehow it doesnt make the pain any lesser.. doesnt make me feel any better.

i think im really immature, because i am so swayed by my emotions. i lack the resilience. i am weak. but i dont want to be strong, what for?

and then everyone will tell me, dont think about anything other than your studies, focus on your studies, pass your promos, get your good Alevel grades, get into your prefered course in university then get a well paid job, raise a family, be successful and so on

bullshit! why? because i refuse to believe my life revolves only around all these things. i refuse to believe im living only to obtain a freaking cert.

im sick. im tired. sick and tired of everyone who keep emphasising about my results, my work, school, promos, alevels whatever! im a human, not a program, i have feelings, have thoughts, have a limit. maybe your limit is bigger than mine, but thats why you are you and i am me.

what future? what this what that. i dont care anymore. enough already.
maybe im really not cut out for studying. im starting to believe i will never be able to make it. but nobody cares anyway, my parents wont understand. but if its one thing im most tired of, is studying just to make my parents happy. its always been like this, the moment i recieve good results is about oh, mum will be so happy. she will smile and be so cheerful. but im not. to me, good results is just to make my mum and dad happy, because i love my parents very much and i dont want to let them down. but i cant do it anymore. im too tired, its not in me to study. i wish they'll stop forcing me.

im being so selfish. but im tired of trying to put myself in another person's shoes. why dont someone do that for me instead?

im sick of trying to please everyone.

and i think i really dont want to do that anymore.

im sorry my lord.