Benj-

let us study math today.

happiness = sadness

this is because happiness can "cancel" off happiness. watch.

happiness - sadness = 0

see!

sadly this equation does not apply to me.

my equation is

happiness < sadness

and i'll never be happy. watch.

sadness - happiness > 0

sigh.

of course, its all a matter of perception. you may think my life is happiness > sadness. you may be right.

and if you are. then what happened to my smiles and laughter?

i AM clinically depressed. found a book on depression my mum bought a few years back. there were a list of symptoms there, the only one that didnt qualify is "irregularities of period" hahas. of course, i dont have it cause i aint female.

if not maybe. i'll have it too.

but so what if im clinically depressed? my problems stay, my unhappiness stays, my feelings of loss and grief stay... all my negativity stays. being clinically depressed only means im too weak to deal with things.

maybe i do need the counsellor.

its worth a shot i guess.

or maybe i really need to run away from it all. live in a world of my own. no matter how nonsensical and fantasy-like it is. at least there, things are so simple.. so so simple.

i need a break.

but theres no stopping for me.

my lord, no more breathing please...