Benj-

its AMAzing how sum ppl can pretend.. pretend lyk nth eva happend and expect me to sae kind stuff to them, giv them encouragement.. oh man, dun undst.. hahas, it onli goes to show how patheticalli little they care abt anione but themselves...

its ironic, rly ironic, dat ppl dat hurt me b4 shud come and look for me... and want me to hlp them... but its not in me to reject them, and not in me to ignore dem.. haha, so how? pretend nth happen and stil act lyk i care lors...

its kinda fake of me but its not lyk as if i hv a choice, i juz cant sae "nopes i dun care, why are u tellin me this for? do u actualli think i giv 2 hoots wad happens to u?" right? dats even more cruel, but why do i hv to become hypocritical for ppl hu dun even treat me lyk i deserve?

but i think dey got de hint aniwae.. lols.. u can tell when sumone rly cares and when sumone doesnt... i hate myself for being such a faker, but i noe dat even if it happens again, and dey come bck to me for hlp, i will still hlp dem.. its nt called soft, its being stupid, and it onli lets ppl take adv of u time and time again..

ah wells, if dats me, den i hv no choice den... there has to be a reason y god let me turn out this way, i juz hv to keep living to see wads de answer im searching for...

niwaes, i guess im lettin go, slowly yet definitely, or mayb im juz pretending i am... coz my body is startin to go haywire again... i rmb de last time when i was lyk at my downtime was when i started hvin all sorts of probs, esp de nosebleeds... de sorethroats.., and de same things are happening again...

but guess wad? this time, its a nosebleed on bth sides!!! isnt dat juz great??? and my sorethroat... 7 days and countin!!! WOOOTS wad can i sae right? arent i just great??

its funnie how my body can hlp me relieve stress and unhappiness in these ways, its de onli reason why i dun hv a single strand of white hair on my head... lols, isnt dat good? though i dun think sorethroats and nosebleeds are a good substitute, but ah wells, we make do wif wad we hv yah?

mayb its really better u din noe me, dat u nv met me

im fake, im fake even to myself [benj]