Benj-

im happi. yet strangely frightened.

todae, sumone told me dat he treated me as his best fren... i dunno whether its to make me feel bad or not lah. but lets juz sae its for real.. i will be happi yet rly scared.

thruout my life, i have had treated these 3 people as my best frens. but sumhow or rather, i wud be rly hurt in one way or another. i was used indiscriminatly, was treated as a cash cow, was looked for onli when i was needed.

so yes, im scared. im so scared of hurting again. im so scared dat i will hv to go thru losing a best fren again. and trust me, it hurts.. so much.. and im sick of gg thru things which i realize ive been nth but just a mere ride or toy.

mayb im being paranoid.

i dunno.

but im so scared.

i shud be happi. but ive juz been thru so many terrible experiences, dat theres alr a phobia of being hurt by those i trueli care for. perhaps dats why i nv want to try starting a relationship as well.

but still, i wna believe in my frens and i DO!! i rly want to. but de fear is so strong as well.

i rly dunno wad to do.

my lord, wad am i suppose to do?? is this de answer im lookin for, or juz another future bad exp?? de daes where i felt i was a worthless piece of shit dat shud juz effing go and die has just past 1 mth ago. will i hv to go thru de same thing again?

im scared. but happi. happi yet scared.

wth

im rly lost.

sheet it.

replies:

edwina: hahas, u rly are a good advice giver and a true fren. thx alot. i wun try to shoulder everything la. but if i cud, i much rather carry problems for others. haiz. but yah, i will stay happi and smile. for u guys sake. I SHALL!! hahas. hahas, den u all muz share ur burdens wif me also!!

sophie: hahas u muz be lyk giv up on me liao right?? hahas. NO, i wna cry wif u all. den after dat, i make u all laugh. hahas kk?? and bruda!! is nt i dun wan tell u!! i will!! one dae we juz talk and i tell u everything. kk? dun angry lahhs. X(

angela: DEAR!!! hahas, my queen!! hahas, i dun want to burden my queen lehs.. my queen is de best de, coz my queen will awaez love me!! bwahahahas. MISS YA!!

end replies.