Benj-

i feel stupid, i feel utterly stupid.. i dun understand how i wasted myself for sumone hu nv cared, i dun regret wad i did, but i feel so foolish, so used, was i nth but a mere plaything? or perhaps i was nth but a backup, a reserve, a tool.. well wadeva it is.. i was stupid to let sumone use me..

but still i will change nth, perhaps it was realli my fault for being blind, i shud hv open my eyes wider... den mayb i wudnt have walked into this bottomless pit.. but it doesnt mean wad i did was in vain.. i gave my heart, although i recieve nth in return, but i noe i have awaez been sincere.. mayb i did smth wrong which i dun hv any idea about...
i dun want to think animore, mayb things will fall back into place, and my life wudnt be a total mess...

niwaes, thx so much for talkin to me aloy!!! i realli do appreciate it so much!!! i had so much fun dat i totalli forgot all about my unhappiness... todae we sang duets!! SHO COOL!!! firz we sang the duet b/w fei yu qing and jay chou [qian li zhi wai], aloy was jay, i was fei yu qing.. LOL!!! den after dat we swopped, i think fei yu qing veri hard to sing, but aloy cud do a realli good version of him.. LOL!! den we sang [tian tian ye ye], i sang as leann rimes and faye while he sang (wads his name again?) yah.. and actualli it was realli nice lors.. sooo fun!!! and den we juz crap alot and laugh alot.. it was realli totalli cool... thx again!!!

hahas, its funni how come i hv sum ppl hu care so much for me even though i do less for them.. while those hu i gave more, treats me lyk dirt... i feel so guilty and ashamed for not gvin more of myself to the ppl hu treat me better... u ppl do deserve more frm me.. and i shall do my best to giv all of me...

im lost now.. realli hurt and upset.. i dunno wad to do? which is de right way to go, which is de best path to take.. i realli dunno.. and i dun think i ever will, but right now, i juz wanna cherish all de ppl hu hv been there for me.. thankew so much...

loves [aollovin]